Introduction: The Chapter That Closes Sefer Shoftim
Chapter 21 is the final chapter in Sefer Shoftim, and it comes to bring the episode of Pilegesh baGivah to a close. After the terrible war in which the tribe of Binyamin was almost entirely wiped out, the people of Israel sit and search: how did we get here? What caused this disaster? The chapter describes the weeping, the inquiry, the conclusions (which are not necessarily correct), and the ways they found to restore the tribe of Binyamin to life. It all concludes with the verse that summarizes the entire era: "In those days there was no king in Israel, every man did what was right in his own eyes."
The Oath That Preceded the War
וְאִישׁ יִשְׂרָאֵל נִשְׁבַּע בַּמִּצְפָּה לֵאמֹר: אִישׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לֹא־יִתֵּן בִּתּוֹ לְבִנְיָמִן לְאִשָּׁה. - And the men of Israel had sworn at Mitzpah, saying: None of us shall give his daughter to Binyamin for a wife.
The verse goes back to tell us what happened even earlier, when they gathered to go out to battle. Already at Mitzpah, out of intense anger at the terrible deed done by the men of Binyamin, the people of Israel swore in advance: we will not intermarry with the tribe of Binyamin. It is this oath that will accompany the entire chapter and create the whole contradiction they will have to grapple with.
The Weeping at Beit El and the Inquiry: Why a Tribe Was Lost from Israel
וַיָּבֹא הָעָם בֵּית־אֵל וַיֵּשְׁבוּ שָׁם עַד־הָעֶרֶב לִפְנֵי הָאֱלֹהִים וַיִּשְׂאוּ קוֹלָם וַיִּבְכּוּ בְּכִי גָדוֹל. וַיֹּאמְרוּ: לָמָה ה' אֱלֹהֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל הָיְתָה זֹּאת בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל לְהִפָּקֵד הַיּוֹם מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל שֵׁבֶט אֶחָד. - And the people came to Beit El and sat there until evening before God, and they lifted up their voices and wept a great weeping. And they said: Why, Hashem, God of Israel, has this happened in Israel, that today one tribe should be missing from Israel?
The Malbim says: the whole question is rooted in the first two defeats. Had forty thousand men of Israel not fallen in the first two encounters, the vengeance upon the men of Binyamin would not have been so severe. They would have struck them down by a thousand or two thousand, Binyamin would have submitted and brought the sinners to justice, and the story would have ended. But precisely because we fell twice, a terrible rage burned within us, and we went out to take revenge to the point of destroying the entire tribe and venting our fury upon them. Therefore the entire inquiry focuses on the question: why did we fall in the first two encounters? For everything unfolded from there.
And should you ask: six hundred men remained, so why do they say that "one tribe should be missing"? The Malbim explains: six hundred men are a mere handful, they are not called a tribe. They are a remnant of the tribe, not the tribe itself.
וַיְהִי מִמָּחֳרָת וַיַּשְׁכִּימוּ הָעָם וַיִּבְנוּ־שָׁם מִזְבֵּחַ וַיַּעֲלוּ עֹלוֹת וּשְׁלָמִים. - And it came to pass on the next day that the people rose early and built there an altar, and they offered up burnt offerings and peace offerings.
The next day they sit again to inquire into the cause of the matter, to search their deeds for what they had done improperly. And they offer the burnt offerings and peace offerings, says the Malbim, in order to find favor before Hashem: perhaps Hashem will see our situation and have mercy upon us and grant us a revelation and enlightenment as to what caused the terrible defeat that ended with a tribe of Israel being destroyed.
The Conclusion: Who Did Not Come Up to Mitzpah
וַיֹּאמְרוּ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל: מִי אֲשֶׁר לֹא־עָלָה בַקָּהָל מִכָּל־שִׁבְטֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶל־ה'? כִּי הַשְּׁבוּעָה הַגְּדוֹלָה הָיְתָה לַאֲשֶׁר לֹא־עָלָה אֶל־ה' הַמִּצְפָּה לֵאמֹר: מוֹת יוּמָת. - And Bnei Yisrael said: Who is there among all the tribes of Yisrael that did not come up to the assembly to Hashem? For a great oath had been sworn concerning anyone who would not come up to Hashem at Mitzpah, saying: He shall surely be put to death.
They ponder the matter and recall that a similar case had already occurred in history: the defeat of Yehoshua at Ai, in which the righteous fell before those who were not righteous. And what caused that defeat? The fact that Achan had betrayed the ban (cherem). They said: We too made a cherem, we too swore an oath, that whoever would not come up to fight against Binyamin would surely be put to death. Apparently there is someone who violated the oath, and this caused our deaths. And from here they set out to determine who it was that did not come up.
Note an important point: was this really the reason? There were other reasons. In truth they do not reach the real root of the matter, yet on the basis of this assumption they proceed to do what they do. There is a great lesson here: when a person understands that there are claims against him, he hurries to seek other guilty parties. Examine yourself: perhaps you failed to protest against the idol of Michah and did not demand the honor of Heaven. Perhaps you relied on the arm of flesh and did not ask of Hashem whether you would succeed, but were certain that you would win. All these are sins within you. But no, I am fine, apparently someone here is missing, he must be the guilty one. Upon him they cast the blame, and in this they erred. But this was their perception and understanding at that moment.
Recognizing the Severity of Wiping Out a Tribe
וַיִּנָּחֲמוּ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶל־בִּנְיָמִן אָחִיו וַיֹּאמְרוּ: נִגְדַּע הַיּוֹם שֵׁבֶט אֶחָד מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל. מַה־נַּעֲשֶׂה לָהֶם לַנּוֹתָרִים לְנָשִׁים? וַאֲנַחְנוּ נִשְׁבַּעְנוּ בַה' לְבִלְתִּי תֵּת־לָהֶם מִבְּנוֹתֵינוּ לְנָשִׁים. - And Bnei Yisrael relented toward Binyamin their brother and said: This day one tribe has been cut off from Yisrael. What shall we do for the survivors to provide them wives? For we have sworn by Hashem not to give them wives from our daughters.
The Malbim says: until now we spoke about the past, why we fell and how such a thing happened to us. Seemingly, what point is there in investigating the past? What was, was; they died and it is over. But now something new emerges: they recall that in their anger they had sworn that none of them would give his daughter to Binyamin. If so, even the six hundred who remained are no remnant at all, they are nothing, for six hundred men who cannot take wives are as though they never were. It turns out that a tribe of Yisrael has been wiped out.
The Malbim adds: this will be a blemish and a great deficiency for the entire nation. Wiping out a tribe is not a numerical matter and is not a demographic question, not that there were two million and one and a half million remained. The body of Klal Yisrael is missing a limb, and a body that is missing a limb is blemished. The Shechinah cannot rest upon them except when they are twelve tribes, and if one tribe is lacking it is a great flaw for the entire nation, a harm for generations, a distortion that cannot be repaired, and it profanes the glory of Yaakov and the sanctity of Yisrael forever.
This is the meaning of "this day one tribe has been cut off from Yisrael": since "what shall we do for the survivors to provide them wives," the tribe is destined to be cut off entirely. And we have already seen that Yaakov Avinu was troubled by this all his days: if I do not have Yosef, where have I fulfilled my duty in the world to establish twelve tribes? And when he heard that Yosef was alive he said "now I can die," for now my bed is complete, the twelve tribes of God are alive and enduring. The matter of the twelve tribes is a fundamental principle, and if something is lacking in it, this is a distortion that cannot be repaired. Suddenly they understand: no remnant of the tribe remains, nothing at all remains of it, and it cannot be regenerated anew.
Two Minuses That Make a Plus: Yavesh Gilad
וַיֹּאמְרוּ: מִי אֶחָד מִשִּׁבְטֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אֲשֶׁר לֹא־עָלָה אֶל־ה' הַמִּצְפָּה? וְהִנֵּה לֹא בָא־אִישׁ אֶל־הַמַּחֲנֶה מִיָּבֵישׁ גִּלְעָד אֶל־הַקָּהָל. וַיִּתְפָּקֵד הָעָם וְהִנֵּה אֵין־שָׁם אִישׁ מִיּוֹשְׁבֵי יָבֵשׁ גִּלְעָד. - And they said: Which one of the tribes of Yisrael did not come up to Hashem at Mitzpah? And behold, no man had come to the camp from Yavesh Gilad to the assembly. And the people were counted, and behold, none of the inhabitants of Yavesh Gilad were there.
Here Bnei Yisrael make a calculation of one plus one, and from two minuses they get a plus. One minus: the tribe of Binyamin has been cut off. Second minus: there is a group that did not come to the war, and according to their perception it is the cause of the entire calamity, since it violated the oath and is liable to death. If so, we will kill the offenders who did not come to the war, and thereby we will have wives to give to the sons of Binyamin. And why is it permitted to give from them? Because everyone who came to Mitzpah was included in the oath, whereas these did not come and did not swear, and therefore their daughters are not included in the prohibition. Thus one deficiency plus a second deficiency turn into an advantage.
And when they check, they find that there is no man from among the inhabitants of Yavesh Gilad. And since they violated the oath, and as they understood, they are the cause of Hashem's anger being kindled, it turns out that the entire destruction of Binyamin hangs on their necks. If we look at the cause and the effect: had you come, we would have won immediately, striking a thousand or two thousand and the story would be over. Since you did not come, we fell the first two times, forty thousand slain, and out of that our anger was kindled to the point of destruction and we destroyed Binyamin. It all began with you. And if so, the one who ruined is the one who will repair: from your daughters will come the restoration of the tribe of Binyamin.
וַיִּשְׁלְחוּ־שָׁם הָעֵדָה שְׁנֵים־עָשָׂר אֶלֶף אִישׁ מִבְּנֵי הֶחָיִל וַיְצַוּוּ אוֹתָם לֵאמֹר: לְכוּ וְהִכִּיתֶם אֶת־יוֹשְׁבֵי יָבֵשׁ גִּלְעָד לְפִי־חֶרֶב וְהַנָּשִׁים וְהַטָּף. וְזֶה הַדָּבָר אֲשֶׁר תַּעֲשׂוּ: כָּל־זָכָר וְכָל־אִשָּׁה יֹדַעַת מִשְׁכַּב־זָכָר תַּחֲרִימוּ. - And the congregation sent there twelve thousand men of the valiant, and commanded them, saying: Go and smite the inhabitants of Yavesh Gilead with the edge of the sword, with the women and the little ones. And this is the thing that you shall do: every male, and every woman who has known lying with a man, you shall utterly destroy.
They send twelve thousand men of the valiant, apparently a thousand corresponding to each and every tribe. And how could it be possible to strike them all? The Me'am Loez brings that the people of Yavesh Gilead did not sit quietly and wait to be struck, but rather went out to war against those who came, and so, in the course of the battle, they all died, except for those about whom they had received instruction not to kill. The instruction "every male, and every woman who has known lying with a man," meaning a married woman, means that you shall utterly destroy them all, and from this it is understood that the virgins were spared, and they could be given to the men of Binyamin.
And why, in truth, were the people of Yavesh Gilead punished with such a terrible punishment? Our Sages explain: the people of Yavesh Gilead acted with cruelty toward the tribe of Ephraim. When they stood at the fords of the Jordan and said to a man, "Say shibolet," and he said "sibolet," they struck them down by the thousands and tens of thousands. Measure for measure: you acted with cruelty, now they will act with cruelty toward you.
Four Hundred Maidens and the Meeting with Binyamin
וַיִּמְצְאוּ מִיּוֹשְׁבֵי יָבֵישׁ גִּלְעָד אַרְבַּע מֵאוֹת נַעֲרָה בְתוּלָה אֲשֶׁר לֹא־יָדְעָה אִישׁ לְמִשְׁכַּב זָכָר, וַיָּבִאוּ אוֹתָם אֶל־הַמַּחֲנֶה שִׁלֹה אֲשֶׁר בְּאֶרֶץ כְּנָעַן. - And they found among the inhabitants of Yavesh Gilead four hundred young virgins who had not known a man by lying with a male, and they brought them to the camp at Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan.
וַיִּשְׁלְחוּ כָּל־הָעֵדָה וַיְדַבְּרוּ אֶל־בְּנֵי בִנְיָמִן אֲשֶׁר בְּסֶלַע רִמּוֹן וַיִּקְרְאוּ לָהֶם שָׁלוֹם. - And the whole congregation sent and spoke to the children of Binyamin who were at the rock of Rimmon, and proclaimed peace to them.
They come and say to the children of Binyamin: the war is over, and we seek to find a way to help you, so that there be no blemish in the nation as a whole, so that, God forbid, there be no withered limb and no tribe cut off from Israel, for the Shechinah rests only upon twelve tribes.
וַיָּשָׁב בִּנְיָמִן בָּעֵת הַהִיא וַיִּתְּנוּ לָהֶם הַנָּשִׁים אֲשֶׁר חִיּוּ מִנְּשֵׁי יָבֵשׁ גִּלְעָד, וְלֹא־מָצְאוּ לָהֶם כֵּן. - And Binyamin returned at that time, and they gave them the women whom they had kept alive of the women of Yavesh Gilead, but they did not suffice for them so.
And when they meet, the gap is revealed: the children of Binyamin are not four hundred but six hundred, and in their hands there are only four hundred women. Had the situation been reversed, there would have been no problem, for one man can take several wives. But when there are women lacking, two hundred men remain without a wife.
וְהָעָם נִחָם לְבִנְיָמִן כִּי־עָשָׂה ה' פֶּרֶץ בְּשִׁבְטֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל. - And the people relented concerning Binyamin, because Hashem had made a breach in the tribes of Israel.
Seemingly it was already said earlier, "and the children of Israel relented," so what does "and the people relented" add? The Malbim explains: earlier it was the heads of the people, and now also the people, the more common and simple portion, all regretted and returned to being loving toward the children of Binyamin. For they understood that the damage had been done out of hatred, for reasons that did not justify such hatred, and an enormous damage of eighty thousand slain from the people of Israel, in the words of the Ramban, is something hard to accept and unthinkable. And therefore they returned to love.
An Attempt to Annul the Oath, and Its Rejection
וַיֹּאמְרוּ זִקְנֵי הָעֵדָה: מַה־נַּעֲשֶׂה לַנּוֹתָרִים לְנָשִׁים כִּי־נִשְׁמְדָה מִבִּנְיָמִן אִשָּׁה? - And the elders of the congregation said: What shall we do for wives for those who remain, since the women have been wiped out from Binyamin?
If so, there is no choice but to seek an opening to annul the oath. We swore, but an oath has a way of being annulled, and it requires an opening and regret. And the opening is: "the women have been wiped out from Binyamin." Would you have sworn had you known that the tribe of Binyamin would be utterly erased? Certainly not. From the outset we set out to strike them with a certain blow, to demand justice for the concubine and for the terrible deed, and to bring the matter to a close. No one imagined that we were going out to a battle in which an entire tribe would be destroyed. There you have an opening and a cause for regret: it was not on this condition that I swore.
וַיֹּאמְרוּ: יְרֻשַּׁת פְּלֵיטָה לְבִנְיָמִן וְלֹא־יִמָּחֶה שֵׁבֶט מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל. וַאֲנַחְנוּ לֹא נוּכַל לָתֵת־לָהֶם נָשִׁים מִבְּנוֹתֵינוּ, כִּי־נִשְׁבְּעוּ בְנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵל לֵאמֹר: אָרוּר נֹתֵן אִשָּׁה לְבִנְיָמִן. - And they said: There must be an inheritance for the survivors of Binyamin, that a tribe not be blotted out from Israel. But we cannot give them wives from our daughters, for the children of Israel swore, saying: Cursed be he who gives a wife to Binyamin.
But at once they retracted: this argument would have been justified and would have annulled the oath in a situation of no choice, had a tribe truly been utterly destroyed. In practice, however, a solution has already been found for four hundred, and there is no complete destruction here. "There is an inheritance for the survivors of Binyamin," there is a remnant to the tribe, and if there is no blotting out of a tribe, then the opening and the regret no longer suffice. Therefore the conclusion is: "But we cannot give them wives from our daughters," the oath stands firm and in force.
The solution: the dances of the daughters of Shiloh
וַיֹּאמְרוּ: הִנֵּה חַג־ה' בְּשִׁלוֹ מִיָּמִים יָמִימָה, אֲשֶׁר מִצְּפוֹנָה לְבֵית־אֵל מִזְרְחָה הַשֶּׁמֶשׁ לִמְסִלָּה הָעֹלָה מִבֵּית־אֵל שְׁכֶמָה וּמִנֶּגֶב לִלְבוֹנָה. - And they said: Behold, there is a festival of Hashem in Shiloh from year to year, which is to the north of Beit-El, to the east of the sun on the highway that goes up from Beit-El to Shechem, and to the south of Levonah.
Here a new idea arises in the minds of the elders of the congregation. In that place the daughters would go out in dances, and at that time they would hold a festival to Hashem and offer many sacrifices, a fixed festival year after year in a fixed place.
וַיְצַוּוּ אֶת־בְּנֵי בִנְיָמִן לֵאמֹר: לְכוּ וַאֲרַבְתֶּם בַּכְּרָמִים. וּרְאִיתֶם וְהִנֵּה אִם־יֵצְאוּ בְנוֹת־שִׁילוֹ לָחוּל בַּמְּחֹלוֹת, וִיצָאתֶם מִן־הַכְּרָמִים וַחֲטַפְתֶּם לָכֶם אִישׁ אִשְׁתּוֹ מִבְּנוֹת שִׁילוֹ וַהֲלַכְתֶּם אֶרֶץ בִּנְיָמִן. - And they commanded the children of Binyamin, saying: Go and lie in wait in the vineyards. And you shall look, and behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in the dances, then you shall come out from the vineyards and seize for yourselves each man his wife from the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Binyamin.
And this is the reasoning: the oath was that none of us would give his daughter to Binyamin. If I do not give, but rather a man of Binyamin comes and takes for himself, there is no violation of the oath here. I did not give my daughter; a son of Binyamin took her. And note the precise details: "and you shall seize for yourselves each man his wife," one woman only, so that he not take several wives on the same occasion. "And go to the land of Binyamin," so that the fathers not come to quarrel, let each man go with his wife to his land. And "seizing" here is not in its plain sense, but rather that he go and meet her, and they find favor in one another's eyes, and he go with her to the land of Binyamin.
Chazal say that among the people who were there was Shaul, who was among the four hundred who remained of Binyamin, and he too was one of those seized. And how so? Were not the women the ones "seized"? Rather, Shaul was retiring, modest and shy, and it was a woman who seized him. And this is what he said to his son, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman, to your own shame and to the shame of your mother's nakedness": this trait began already with your mother, who behaved without modesty and went and seized me when it should have been the reverse, and hence the result that a son like you came out. In any case we have learned that Shaul remained from those children of Binyamin.
What we shall answer the fathers
וְהָיָה כִּי־יָבֹאוּ אֲבוֹתָם אוֹ אֲחֵיהֶם לָרִיב אֵלֵינוּ, וְאָמַרְנוּ אֲלֵיהֶם: חָנּוּנוּ אוֹתָם, כִּי לֹא לָקַחְנוּ אִישׁ אִשְׁתּוֹ בַּמִּלְחָמָה, כִּי לֹא אַתֶּם נְתַתֶּם לָהֶם כָּעֵת תֶּאְשָׁמוּ. - And it shall be, when their fathers or their brothers come to quarrel with us, that we will say to them: Be gracious to them for our sake, for we did not take each man his wife in the war, for you did not give them to them, so that you would now be guilty.
Clearly this would not pass quietly. The fathers of the girls would come to quarrel and demand that the elders act to return their daughters. And we will answer them: "Show them favor," have mercy on them, on the sons of Binyamin, and do not take your daughters from them. And why? "For we did not take for each man his wife in the war," meaning that in the war we waged against Yavesh Gilad we did not obtain enough women for all six hundred who remained to Binyamin, so from where shall I find them wives? And if they will claim: but there is an oath, how can we sit quietly? We will answer them: "For you did not give them, otherwise you would now be guilty." Had you given, you would be guilty. But you did not give, and it was not by your will, and therefore no guilt rests upon you. Let them be, and thus the problem will be solved.
וַיַּעֲשׂוּ־כֵן בְּנֵי בִנְיָמִן וַיִּשְׂאוּ נָשִׁים לְמִסְפָּרָם מִן־הַמְּחֹלְלוֹת אֲשֶׁר גָּזָלוּ, וַיֵּלְכוּ וַיָּשׁוּבוּ אֶל־נַחֲלָתָם וַיִּבְנוּ אֶת־הֶעָרִים וַיֵּשְׁבוּ בָּהֶם. - And the sons of Binyamin did so, and took wives according to their number from the dancers whom they seized, and they went and returned to their inheritance, and rebuilt the cities and dwelt in them.
"According to their number" is precise: exactly as their number, and no one took more than one wife, as they were commanded. And afterward they rebuilt the cities that the children of Israel had burned and dwelt in them.
And Chazal in Tractate Taanit (folio 30) say that the whole problem was specifically in that generation, and afterward Shevet Binyamin was permitted to enter the congregation. And the reason: the language of the oath was "none of us shall give his daughter to Binyamin," and "of us" means specifically this generation. We did not place our sons under oath and did not include them in the oath, and therefore from our sons they would indeed be able to take wives for the sons of Binyamin. And already in the second generation there was no problem with the oath.
The Conclusion: There Was No King in Israel
וַיִּתְהַלְּכוּ מִשָּׁם בְּנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵל בָּעֵת הַהִיא אִישׁ לְשִׁבְטוֹ וּלְמִשְׁפַּחְתּוֹ, וַיֵּצְאוּ מִשָּׁם אִישׁ לְנַחֲלָתוֹ. - And the children of Israel departed from there at that time, each man to his tribe and to his family, and they went out from there each man to his inheritance.
The Malbim says: notice what is happening here. A terrible thing occurred, eighty thousand men died and a tribe of Israel was almost erased. Such a thing demands a commission of inquiry, demands reflection. They should have set up a fence, appointed a ruler to stand in the breach, appointed judges, examined whether perhaps we are guilty, checked if there is idolatry among us, uprooted the idol of Michah. And they did none of this. "And the children of Israel departed from there at that time, each man to his tribe and to his family," each one returned to his tribe, to his inheritance and to his home, and with that the matter ended.
בַּיָּמִים הָהֵם אֵין מֶלֶךְ בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל, אִישׁ הַיָּשָׁר בְּעֵינָיו יַעֲשֶׂה. - In those days there was no king in Israel, each man would do what was right in his own eyes.
This is the reason for all that occurred: it all began from the fact that there was no king in Israel and each man did what was right in his own eyes. And some say that this verse is not only a conclusion to Sefer Shoftim but also an opening to Sefer Shmuel, in which we are introduced to the birth of Shmuel, who judged Israel and would go about from place to place. For Chazal say: why did this befall them? Because the sin was in the hand of their leaders, who should have girded their loins and taken provisions for the road and passed from camp to camp and from tribe to tribe to teach Israel Torah, and since they did not do so, all the harsh deterioration came about. And when a true judge came, when Shmuel arrived, everyone listened to him and believed in him, and thereby he succeeded in setting up a fence and standing in the breach.
A Closing Note: The Dances in the Vineyards in Chazal
We saw here the dances in the vineyards, and we will bring a similar matter from Chazal that contains a great moral lesson. Chazal said: there were no days as festive for Israel as the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur, on which the daughters of Israel would go out in borrowed white garments. A king's daughter borrows from the daughter of a Kohen Gadol, the daughter of a Kohen Gadol from the daughter of the deputy, the daughter of the deputy from the daughter of the one anointed for war, the daughter of the one anointed for war from the daughter of an ordinary Kohen, and all Israel borrow from one another so as not to shame the one who has nothing. "Kelim" in the language of Chazal means garments: they would borrow garments from one another and go out in white clothing. And all the garments required immersion, meaning all the garments required immersion before wearing, so as not to shame one whose garments may not be pure, and therefore they immersed all of theirs.
And the daughters of Israel, and some read the daughters of Jerusalem, would go out and dance in the vineyards, from the word for dances. And whoever had no wife would turn there, meaning whoever needed a match would go to that place. And what would they say? "Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty, set your eyes on family. Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, a woman who fears Hashem, she shall be praised, and it says: give her of the fruit of her hands and let her deeds praise her in the gates. And so it says: go forth and gaze, daughters of Zion, upon King Shlomo, upon the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding and on the day of the joy of his heart. The day of his wedding, this is the giving of the Torah, and the day of the joy of his heart, this is the building of the Beit HaMikdash, which shall be built speedily in our days."
What did the beautiful ones among them say? Set your eyes on beauty, for a woman is meant for beauty, for beauty broadens a man's mind in Torah and in service of Hashem. What did the ones of distinguished lineage among them say? Set your eyes on family, for a woman is meant for children, seek out good lineage. And what did the plain ones among them say? Take your acquisition for the sake of Heaven, provided that you adorn us with gold coins. But do only the plain ones want gold coins? Rather, Chazal say: The daughters of Israel are lovely, but poverty makes them appear unattractive. And this is what they meant: You see us as plain, but we are lovely, only that poverty makes us appear unattractive. And what nature does not do, cosmetics do, but for that one must pay. Therefore they said: Adorn us with gold coins, give us the means for beauty and you will not recognize us. Go out and learn how great these days were, days of holiness and purity, and therefore there were no days as good for Israel as the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur.
Rav Dessler: The Holiness of These Days
Rav Dessler in Michtav MeEliyahu, volume four, expands on this matter, and it is important to see his words. For unfortunately there are people today who take the words of Chazal and turn them into nonsense, people far from Torah and mitzvot who invent new holidays for us, "the holiday which they concocted from their own hearts," a holiday of love. They see "the fifteenth of Av" in Chazal and invent fabrications without understanding at all what is being discussed.
Rav Dessler says: See what a special quality these times had. We are speaking of the daughters of Israel going out and dancing in the vineyards, and when? "On Yom Kippur." On Yom Kippur one goes out to arrange matches? We would say: Push this off to after Yom Kippur, today pray about it. But Chazal look at these matters completely differently from the way a person of flesh and blood sees them.
A proof for this from the Targum on Eichah chapter one, verse four: "דַּרְכֵי צִיּוֹן אֲבֵלוֹת מִבְּלִי בָּאֵי מוֹעֵד כָּל שְׁעָרֶיהָ שׁוֹמֵמִין כֹּהֲנֶיהָ נֶאֱנָחִים בְּתוּלֹתֶיהָ נּוּגוֹת וְהִיא מַר לָהּ - The roads of Zion mourn for lack of those coming to the festival, all her gates are desolate, her priests groan, her maidens are grieved, and she is bitter." The Targum translates: Jerusalem became like a wasteland with none ascending to it in the time of its festivals, and her priests groan over the ceasing of the sacrifices, and her maidens lament over the fact that they ceased going out on the fifteenth of Av and on Yom Kippur to celebrate with dances. Understand what they lamented over: the matter was equal in value to the sacrifices. There are no sacrifices and there are no dances. Here you see that the dances they held then are not what people think today, but rather an exalted and lofty matter: if on Yom Kippur they found time for it, and if the lament over it is equated with the lament over the ceasing of the sacrifices.
And what is being discussed? Yom Kippur is a day of forgiveness of sins. The Kohen Gadol would emerge from the Holy of Holies alive, and would make a festive day for his loved ones when he came out in peace from the Holy of Holies. A day of purity, a day when sins are atoned through the goat sent away, a day of great joy. This great joy they utilized for the matter of matchmaking, for the matter of matchmaking is also holy and lofty. And they wanted to teach you how holy the matter is, that we engage in it on the holiest of days: this is the time to engage in building a home in Israel.
And what is the significance of the fifteenth of Av? Rav Dessler says: On that day they finished preparing the wood for the altar arrangement, and they had the joy of completing a mitzvah. This joy of the mitzvah they utilized for the purpose of matchmaking. "There were no days as good for Israel": good days on which they utilized the festivity for the sake of Heaven.
The Modesty of the Occasion
"And whoever had no wife would turn there": See how much holiness they practiced. There were no onlookers. A person does not go there in order to look, but only one who has no wife and truly needs a match. And who is being discussed, presumably? Those who already missed the train. For the successful men and women were already snatched up early, and who remains? Those held back from finding a match, those who have difficulty in matchmaking, whoever tried to find a match and did not succeed and was compelled to approach this place.
And the Maharsha explains: "Whoever had no wife would turn there," because it is forbidden to betroth a woman until one sees her, and therefore for them alone was seeing permitted in order to betroth. And even this seeing was a fleeting glance, among the dancers, not a personal viewing that might, Heaven forbid, lead to improper closeness, but only as a group.
A Story from the Home of Rav Ovadia Yosef
This recalls a wondrous story that Rav Yitzchak Yosef told in our beit midrash, in a eulogy for his brother Rav Yaakov Yosef, about their father Rav Ovadia Yosef, as he heard it from his mother. When Rav Ovadia was in the process of matchmaking and became engaged to the daughter of Rav Fatal, his father-in-law was "crazy" about his son-in-law, and asked of him: Before you leave the yeshiva at the end of the day, pass by my place, sit with me, we will drink a cup of tea, you will tell me things, share Torah novellae, and then continue on. And so it was: every day during the engagement period he would enter his father-in-law's home, the mother-in-law and the betrothed would serve a cup of tea, and he would sit with his father-in-law in words of Torah, they would finish, part in peace, and he would go.
One day, a week before the wedding, he arrives and notices that the bride, the Rebbetzin Margalit, is not there. He asked his father in law where she was. He told him: Don't ask, she called off the match, she said she doesn't want to get married. However much I tried to talk and persuade her, she won't listen. A week before the wedding. He asked permission to speak with her, and was told: Please, I only hope you succeed.
He came in and asked: What happened, why did you break it off? She told him: You have been coming here for more than a month now, every day, talking with my father, not looking at me, not talking to me, nothing. Am I going to live with a person like this? Go marry my father. He said to her: In halacha it is written that a man is permitted to look at a woman in order to marry her. After I saw you and you found favor in my eyes, what heter is there now to sit and chat? There is no such heter in halacha, and we keep what is written in the Shulchan Aruch. After the wedding it is different, you are permitted and everything, but now it is forbidden according to halacha, what do you want me to do? She still was not fully convinced. And then he said to her: Know that I am destined to become a great man, and I promise you that all the merits I will have, and I will have many merits, will be half mine and half yours. And then she agreed. And Rav Yitzchak Yosef concluded: We all know what a profitable deal Mother made.
Trust and Kindness in Borrowed White Garments
And this is what we see in the dances: a fleeting glance, within the group, not lengthy meetings. And why in the vineyards and not in the city? Because a matter like this requires modesty, and it is not done in public but in a private place. And what did they say? They "said" and did not sing, for there is no heter to hear a woman's voice, and therefore they would speak and not in the manner of song. And they would say "Young man, please lift your eyes," which implies that the men did not even lift their eyes until the women told them to. What a level of modesty and holiness.
And on the matter of "borrowed white garments" Rav Dessler adds another lesson: a chapter of trust and kindness. For when a girl goes out to meet a match, how many hours does she stand in front of the mirror to ensure that her appearance will be suitable, that the dress will be appropriate, that the bag and shoes will match the color of the lipstick. And here they tell you: No. She trusts in Hashem. Even the garment is not mine, but they exchange with one another. For if each one were to search, she would search even among the white garments for the most prestigious. First they decreed that not colored garments, which are the beautiful garments, in which a man gladdens his wife, but only white garments. But perhaps you will make yourself a prestigious white garment? Therefore they exchange: the white garment you prepare you will in any case not wear, but you give it to a friend and she gives you hers. And in this way they made sure that each one would go without confidence in beauty, in externals and in clothing, but with trust in Hashem alone, to the point of exchanging garments with one another.
And about whom are we speaking? Rav Dessler emphasizes: it is written "the daughters of Israel," and according to another version "the daughters of Jerusalem," the daughters of ordinary people, not the daughters of the holy Tannaim. And see what a lofty and immense level they had in those generations in their entire approach to the matter of matchmaking.
And with this we will mention the words of the Chazon Ish. Someone came to him and proposed: Perhaps we should engage in dialogue with our distant brethren, meetings, perhaps we can bring hearts closer? The Chazon Ish said to him: Dialogue with whom? Our terminology, our language, is completely different. What among them is called love, among us is kareis. In what language will we speak? We have no common language at all. That is to say, to understand the matter of matchmaking as Chazal saw it, is holy of holies: she is going to build a home in Israel, he is going to build a home in Israel.
In summary:
Chapter 21 seals the Book of Shoftim with a double image. On one hand, wonderful responsibility and concern for the whole of Israel: the recognition that the Shechina rests only upon twelve tribes, that the body of the nation lacking a limb is blemished, and the immense investment in finding a solution for Binyamin. And on the other hand, a failure to investigate the root: they searched for other guilty parties instead of examining their own deeds, they did not eradicate the idol of Michah, and they did not build a fence nor establish leadership. Therefore everything is sealed with "In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes," a verse that is both the seal of Shoftim and the opening of Shmuel, in which the judge arises who travels around Israel and teaches them Torah. And in closing we learned from the dances of the vineyards how much holiness, modesty, trust and kindness there was in the building of a home in Israel, and how important it is for us to return and see these matters through the eyes of Chazal, for from such homes they merited generations of tzaddikim, so may Hashem help us, amen and amen.