The mishnah before us, Avos chapter 5 mishnah 21 (and in some versions mishnah 24), is the famous mishnah that deals with the stages of a person's life. The mishnah opens: "Hu hayah omer" - he used to say. And who is the speaker? According to the version we have, the reference is to Yehudah ben Teima, who is mentioned in the previous mishnah. Rashi's version has Shmuel HaKatan as the author of the statement, while according to the version of the Abarbanel it is Ben Hei Hei, and the mishnah is placed later, toward the end of the tractate. Either way, this is what it says:
"Ben chamesh shanim l'Mikra" - at five years old, Scripture:
A five year old child begins to focus on Mikra, the study of the Written Torah. This instruction is of course directed at the parents, at the father, and not at the child himself. The main novelty here is that this is the appropriate age, meaning that before this the child need not be in any formal educational framework at all.
The basis for this is derived by way of a hint from the verses of the mitzvah of orlah, since a person is compared to a tree in the words of Chazal in many places:
"For three years it shall be forbidden to you, it shall not be eaten" - during the first three years the produce is sealed off and forbidden to be eaten. Corresponding to this, during the child's first three years there is no fruit that can be picked from him, and he is left to grow. This is also the basis for the widespread custom today of the chalakah, the child's haircut at the age of three, from which point he begins to fulfill a sort of mitzvos, leaving the peyos and the like.
"And in the fourth year all its fruit shall be holy, a praise to Hashem" - the fruit of neta reva'i is set aside for praise and thanks to Hashem. The holiness that is set aside marks a preparatory stage: at the age of four the child still does not learn the verses themselves, but rather the letters, the alef beis, as preparation for the study of Torah.
"And in the fifth year you may eat its fruit" - from the age of five the child begins to learn Torah seriously, in Mikra.
"To increase its produce for you" - the produce keeps growing and multiplying. After the age of five the child continues to add and develop in his learning, both in quantity and in quality: in the amount that he learns and in the quality of what he learns.
"Ben eser l'Mishnah" - at ten years old, Mishnah:
At the age of ten, after five years in which he has acquired the verses and the way to read them, the vowelization and the like, the child moves on to Mishnah, to the Oral Torah and to reviewing the Mishnah by heart. This does not mean that he stops reviewing Mikra, but that his main focus during the next five years will be mastering the memorization of the entire body of Mishnah, just as the first five years were devoted to mastering Mikra.
"Ben shelosh esreh l'mitzvos" - at thirteen years old, the mitzvos:
At the age of thirteen the child becomes obligated in the mitzvos, and we call this bar mitzvah. The source for this, according to the Rosh, is a halachah l'Moshe miSinai, a tradition in our hands. Nevertheless there is a point of support for a hint: in the passage of the sin offering it says, "A man or a woman who commits any of the sins of man, to commit a betrayal against Hashem, and that person shall be guilty" - so the obligation rests upon a "man." And what is a man? We find regarding Shimon and Levi, who went out to fight the people of Shechem on behalf of Dinah: "And the two sons of Yaakov, Shimon and Levi, the brothers of Dinah, each took his sword," and Levi, the younger of the two, was thirteen years old at the time (see Rashi there). From here we have a hint that the age of thirteen is the cutoff point of "a man."
It is worth noting that the age of bar mitzvah is thirteen complete years, after the child has lived thirteen full years and has begun his fourteenth year. One who is born on the first of Adar, when the first of Adar of the following year arrives, is one full year and one day old and begins his second year, and so on until he is thirteen years and a day, on the birthday itself. In contrast, opinions differ regarding the first two times, "at five" and "at ten" for Mikra and Mishnah: does this mean after the fifth and tenth birthdays, or during his fifth year and his tenth year? There is a measure of flexibility here, and as the Rambam says, every child is taught according to his clarity of mind, according to his ability.
It should further be noted that beyond the chronological age of thirteen complete years, physical maturity is also required, that is, the bringing forth of at least two hairs. We have a presumption that a child reaches this at this age, and likewise girls at the age of twelve, and therefore there is no need to check, and from the moment the child reaches the age of thirteen we relate to him as an adult for every matter. In exceptional situations, when a Torah mitzvah such as chalitzah is involved, it may be necessary to verify that he has indeed reached the signs of maturity.
"Ben chamesh esreh l'Talmud" - at fifteen years old, Talmud:
At fifteen the child moves on to Talmud. This does not mean the Babylonian Talmud as a book, since the Mishnah preceded it by close to three hundred years, but rather the activity of Talmud: drawing out principles from the Mishnah, understanding the sources of the laws, their implications and how they are applied. After five years of committing Mishnah to memory, from ten until fifteen, the child is ready to analyze, to weigh and to probe deeply - not merely to know the content of the Mishnah by heart, but to understand its meaning and its implications. Another five years are devoted to this activity.
"Ben shemoneh esrei la'chuppah":
At eighteen a young man's time to marry has arrived, and girls marry even much younger, already from the age of mitzvos. The basis of this is the biological reality that a person at eighteen is ready for marriage. The Gemara, and the Shulchan Aruch as a matter of halachah, establish that a person should marry no later than the age of twenty, with a dispensation to delay for someone learning full time. The Gemara says of one who has passed the age of twenty without marrying that he lives in sin, and it explains this as referring at the very least to sinful thoughts. There is a basic psychological and biological reality here, that it is fitting for people to marry in their youth.
Although some argue that since lifespans have lengthened in our times the date can be pushed off to twenty-two or twenty-three, the correct Torah outlook is that a young man should marry in his youth and be supported by his parents, and this is the only way. The Gemara publicizes that Rav Chisda said he merited his greatness only because he married at the age of sixteen, and had he married younger it would have been better still. On the other hand, the Rambam writes that one who marries before he is able to support a wife is a fool. We are not coming here to decide any individual's path on the basis of a single line in the Mishnah, but the basic framework is that one should aim to marry in the late teens, already at the age of eighteen.
"Ben esrim lirdof":
Who is chasing after whom? This is not spelled out, and several explanations have been offered:
Chasing after a livelihood (the Bartenura): Having already been married for two years, his time has come to pursue a livelihood. Just as a person's mind is ready for the study of Scripture at four and five, for memorizing Mishnah at ten, for Talmud at fifteen and for marriage at eighteen, so the entire program is built upon natural psychological and physical development. A twenty-year-old is naturally inclined to go out into the world, to make his way and his living and to leave his mark, all the more so since if he married at eighteen, by twenty he already has small children to support.
Being chased from Heaven (the Bartenura): At twenty a person becomes liable to punishment at the hands of Heaven. True, from thirteen he is already bar mitzvah and obligated in the mitzvos, and the earthly court holds him accountable, but Heaven understands that maturing takes time, and does not hold him accountable until twenty. Accordingly, "lirdof" means that from twenty Heaven pursues him for his sins.
The Meiri: One who has not found a wife by the age of twenty must pursue and search out his match.
The Magen Avraham: After fifteen years of study, including five years of Talmud, the time has come to focus more on review, to chase after what he has learned so that he not forget it.
"Ben sheloshim la'koach":
At thirty a person reaches his full strength, and this is a biological reality that holds true to this day. Already in the Chumash the Levi'im from the age of thirty were charged with the physical upkeep, the maintenance, the assembly and the dismantling of the Mishkan and the Mikdash. A person reaches the peak of his physical strength at thirty, and he must use that strength in the service of Hashem in whatever way suits him.
"Ben arba'im la'binah":
At forty a person reaches the peak of his capacity for understanding, to derive one thing from another and to grasp implications. This finds expression even in halachic rulings: the Council of the Four Lands already spoke of the fact that at around the age of forty a person may begin to study additional subjects beyond Torah itself - matters of Kabbalah, and perhaps even matters of science, according to the various approaches. Forty is an entirely different stage in terms of understanding and settled judgment. Even in terms of the process itself, forty years are required in order to understand certain things: at the end of Sefer Devarim it says, "And Hashem did not give you a heart to know, and eyes to see, and ears to hear, until this day," and "this day" is forty years after the revelation at Har Sinai. From here Chazal learned that a person needs forty years to grasp the depth of his teacher's words, just as was the case for all of Israel with the words of Hashem. At forty, then, a person is at the height of his intellectual powers, even as his physical powers begin to decline.
"Ben chamishim la'eitzah":
At fifty a person's physical strength has declined significantly, to the point that this becomes his primary role. We learn this from the Levites: for twenty years, from age thirty until fifty, they were engaged in the physical upkeep of the Mishkan and the Mikdash, assembling and dismantling them, and at fifty they stopped. But note the wording of the verse: "And from the age of fifty years he shall return from the legion of service, and shall serve no more" - they retire from the crews that serviced the Mishkan, but the verse continues: "And he shall minister with his brethren in the Tent of Meeting, to keep the charge." What sort of service do they provide? Counsel, advice, guidance and education. For at fifty a person has not only understood a great deal, he has also accumulated life experience, and the two together qualify him to give good counsel, direction and guidance to those who need it.
"Ben shishim l'ziknah" - at sixty, old age:
At sixty a person has reached old age. True, nowadays, thanks to Hashem's kindness and modern medicine, life has been extended, while in the era of the verses a person's lifespan was given as seventy years, like David HaMelech, and anything beyond that is considered a bonus. Today, as of April 2024, the average person in Eretz Yisrael lives to roughly eighty-two (men eighty-one, women eighty-three), whereas in America the figures are considerably lower: the average man lives to seventy-four.
In any case, at sixty a person should understand that he may be approaching the end of his life, and should put his affairs in order:
If he has a particular life goal, such as completing Shas, he should hurry.
If there are family members with whom he needs to make peace, now is the time to repair those relationships.
If he has not written an ethical will and has not explained to his children what he wants, now is the time to set that straight.
If he does not have a will, he should arrange one.
If he has not arranged his burial plot, he should arrange it.
"Ben shivim l'seivah" - at seventy, a ripe old age:
At seventy a person has reached seivah, a good old age. There is a halachic point here: "Before the aged you shall rise" - there is an obligation to rise before someone who has reached this milestone, out of reverence. Seventy is the age David HaMelech reached, and of him it says "and he died at a good old age" - a good and full life. May everyone reach there, im yirtzeh Hashem.
"Ben shemonim l'gevurah" - at eighty, strength:
Not everyone dies at seventy, and baruch Hashem many live beyond that, and at eighty a person has reached gevurah, strength. What is that strength? There are two basic approaches:
The strength of the Ribbono Shel Olam: the body's warranty has expired at eighty, and one who reaches eighty is being held up by Heaven, which grants him additional strength, for on his own power he could not have withstood it, since the body is weak at that age.
The strength of the person himself: a more positive approach, which gives him credit: one who has reached eighty is surely himself a mighty man, he surely possesses tremendous inner strength and fortitude that enable him to function reasonably well at the age of eighty.
"Ben tishim la'shuach" - at ninety, bending:
At ninety a person walks somewhat bent over. The Bartenura brings two explanations:
"lashuach" - from the language of walking bent over and stooped.
"lashuach" - from the word "shuchah," as it is used in Proverbs for the pit in the ground in which a person is buried, meaning that he is ready for the grave.
"ben me'ah ke'ilu meis ve'avar u'vateil min ha'olam":
At the age of one hundred a person is as though dead, as if he has already died; "ve'avar" - as if the world has passed him by; "u'vateil min ha'olam" - he is no longer relevant in the world. At this stage a person has already lived out his full life and a great deal beyond it, and not much more is to be expected of him.
In summary: This Mishnah maps out the course of a person's life according to its natural stages: Scripture at five (hinted at from the verses of orlah), Mishnah at ten, mitzvos at thirteen, Talmud at fifteen, the chuppah at eighteen, and pursuit at twenty. From there onward: strength at thirty, understanding at forty, counsel at fifty, old age at sixty, ripe age at seventy, special strength at eighty, a stoop at ninety, and at one hundred as though he has died and passed away and is gone from the world. Each and every stage corresponds to the physical and emotional maturity appropriate to it, and to the task of a person at that hour.