Before us is mishnah 19 in chapter 5 of Maseches Avos. Let us first read the mishnah in full, in order to see its full scope, and afterward we will discuss its details. This mishnah, in my humble opinion, is extremely important.
"Kol mi she'yesh b'yado shloshah devarim hallalu - mi'talmidav shel Avraham Avinu, u'shloshah devarim acherim - mi'talmidav shel Bilam ha'rasha" - anyone who possesses the following three traits is considered one of the students of Avraham Avinu, and one who possesses the three opposite traits is considered one of the students of Bilam the wicked.
"Ayin tovah, v'ruach nemuchah, v'nefesh shefalah - mi'talmidav shel Avraham Avinu; ayin ra'ah, v'ruach gevohah, v'nefesh rechavah - mi'talmidav shel Bilam ha'rasha" - a good eye, a lowly spirit and a humble soul, meaning a restrained nature, are the traits of the students of Avraham; and against them, an evil eye, a haughty spirit and an indulgent nature are the traits of the students of Bilam.
"Mah bein talmidav shel Avraham Avinu l'talmidav shel Bilam ha'rasha? Talmidav shel Avraham Avinu ochlin ba'olam ha'zeh v'nochalin ba'olam ha'ba, she'ne'emar: 'L'hanchil ohavai yesh v'otzroseihem amalei'" - what is the practical difference, in terms of the outcome, between these two life choices? The students of Avraham enjoy this world and also inherit the World to Come, as the verse in Mishlei, which refers to Avraham, states: I have what to bequeath to those who love Me, and I will fill their treasuries.
"Aval talmidav shel Bilam ha'rasha yorshin gehinnom v'yordin li've'er shachas, she'ne'emar: 'V'atah Elokim toridem li've'er shachas, anshei damim u'mirmah lo yechetzu yemeihem, va'ani evtach bach'" - the students of Bilam inherit Gehinnom, meaning that in this world they are destined to suffer, while the descent to the pit of destruction is in the World to Come. The verse quoted is from Tehillim: You, Hashem, will bring them down to the pit of destruction; men of bloodshed and deceit will not reach half their days; and I, says David HaMelech, trust in You. That is the full scope of the mishnah.
Why does the mishnah open by counting "three things"?
Why does the mishnah frame its words as a count, rather than simply saying: if you have these traits you are like Avraham, and if you have those traits you are like Bilam? The answer is that the mishnah is teaching us a fundamental point: Avraham Avinu had many virtues, and Bilam had many faults, but for one who wishes to emulate Avraham's ways, to follow in his footsteps and to leave a mark on the world as he did, there are three particular traits on which he must focus, and these are they. If he acquires them, he is considered one of his students, and if not, he is not. There is practical guidance here: this is where you must concentrate your efforts at developing your character.
Why did the mishnah use the expression "of his students"?
These three traits are personality characteristics: a good eye, meaning a positive outlook on what you have; a lowly spirit, humility and the avoidance of arrogance; and a humble soul, a restrained nature. A person might think that these are natural givens, that this is how he was born and it is beyond his ability to change them, for this is his personality that accompanies him all the days of his life. The mishnah comes and teaches that he must focus on changing himself in these ways, and only then has he learned to conduct himself like Avraham. The point is that it does not depend on the way you were born: being born with these traits does not make a person a student of Avraham. Studentship consists of a person focusing on these areas and striving to change his traits and the way they are expressed as much as he possibly can. In doing so he adopts the way of life and the worldview of Avraham Avinu, or, heaven forbid, of Bilam the wicked. These things, then, can be learned, and this is the point implied by our mishnah: make an effort to cultivate these characteristics.
The three traits of Avraham's students:
Regarding the plain meaning of the three terms - a good eye, a lowly spirit and a humble soul - there is general agreement among the commentators, but as to which characteristic is intended by which expression, the Rishonim point in different directions. After all, "ruach" and "nefesh" are synonyms: the ruach is the higher spirit within a person, and the nefesh is the lower spirit, while "nemuchah" and "shefalah" mean the same thing. Let us therefore explain according to the Bartenura:
A good eye - a person looks at what he has with a positive eye, meaning that he is happy with his portion and content with his possessions. So it was with Avraham Avinu: when the king of Sedom offered him the spoils of the war, he replied that he was not interested and would not take even a single shoelace. This approach leads a person to look upon others generously as well, since he feels no lack, and therefore he does not envy, he is not in competition, and he does not begrudge others. Avraham gives Malki Tzedek a tenth of all his possessions, and negotiates with Efron and pays four hundred shekel for the burial plot. His attitude is: whom can I help and with whom can I share, for I lack nothing. This is the attitude of "I have plenty" that Yaakov Avinu would later express. Avraham is willing to give any person anything, because he feels blessed, and therefore he brings blessing to others. One can discuss which is the cause and which is the effect, but the bottom line is this: one who looks at what he has and is content naturally rejoices in the success of others, both material and spiritual, since he does not feel himself to be in competition or in need.
A lowly spirit - the spirit refers to pride, and a lowly spirit means humility and great modesty. Avraham Avinu is a model of humility, and he says the famous phrase "and I am dust and ashes." Dust, which has little value and for which no one pays; and ashes, which are something that has already lost its productivity, for once the branches have burned and only ashes remain, there is no longer any way to use them. In other words: I am not worth much, and my output is not worth much either. Similarly, when he saw the three men passing by he called himself a servant: "please do not pass by your servant." And so too in the negotiations over Sarah's burial plot, at a time when he was the wealthiest man in the region, and everyone recognized his wealth and his power, and Hashem had even promised him the land, he said: "I am a stranger and a resident among you," meaning I am merely a passerby here. Avraham does not invoke his status. Avraham is humble.
A humble soul - a person whose physical desires are limited. The classic place where this is highlighted is in his relationship with his wife: "behold, now I know that you are a woman of beautiful appearance." Only then, on their way down to Mitzrayim and at a late stage in his life, did he notice her beauty. Until that moment he had not permitted himself even to gaze at his own wife's beauty, and from here we see how limited he was in his desire for physical things and physical gratification.
This is the central lesson: a person must learn to be happy with his portion; he must not hold extreme expectations that everything is coming to him, and that is the humble spirit; and he must rein in his desire and not constantly indulge his physical cravings. That is what we are striving for, and those are the students of Avraham Avinu.
The three opposing traits - the students of Bilaam the wicked:
An evil eye - a person looks negatively at what he has, and it is never enough. Bilaam the wicked immediately speaks about "his house full of silver and gold", all the gold and silver in the world, because he is always looking for more and more and is envious. So too it says, "And Bilaam lifted his eyes and saw Israel dwelling according to its tribes" - he sees them sitting in their camps by their tribes, secure and happy, and he envies them. That is the evil eye: you want more for yourself, and out of that you envy someone else for his material comfort and his happiness.
A haughty spirit - arrogance. Bilaam is the one who demands that more distinguished and more honored men be sent to him on Balak's behalf, to beg him to come and help. In the same vein he announces about himself, "who hears the words of God and knows the knowledge of the Most High", meaning: I am the sort of person who knows the thoughts of the Holy One, blessed is He. Sheer arrogance.
A greedy soul - Bilaam is the one who came up with the depraved idea of making the daughters of Midian available to the Jewish men in order to cause them to sin, a degenerate idea. Chazal even relate that he had relations with his donkey. Here you have a man of enormous physical lust.
The result: this world and the World to Come:
After the advice, the Mishnah turns to its results: what is the difference in the destination reached by someone who listened to the advice of Chazal and became a student of Avraham Avinu, as opposed to someone who became, God forbid, a student of Bilaam the wicked? "Talmidav shel Avraham Avinu ochlin ba'olam hazeh v'nochalin ba'olam haba" - those who walk in Avraham's path and learn his ways enjoy this world and also inherit the World to Come. This is not a situation in which a person suffers in this world and receives his reward only in the future. On the contrary: precisely because he appreciates what he has, and does not develop inflated and unfair expectations about what is coming to him, and does not constantly pamper his cravings, he will have a better life in this world. And he will also inherit the World to Come, because he will not feel the competition and envy that lead a person to transgressions, to cutting corners and to the moral compromises people make in trying to obtain more than they would otherwise receive, and out of that they cheat, steal, push and deceive.
"Aval talmidav shel Bilaam harasha yorshin Gehinnom v'yordin li'ver shachas" - since the verse that is brought proves that the first part refers to this world and the second to the World to Come, inheriting Gehinnom is an inner suffering in this world: it is never enough, and there is always more and more. "V'yordin li'ver shachas" - in the end, the craving for more, the arrogance and the dissatisfaction with life lead them to bad deeds that cost them their World to Come, God forbid.
The verse says: "V'atah Elokim toridem li'ver shachas, anshei damim u'mirmah lo yechetzu yemeihem, va'ani evtach Bach" - "And You, God, will bring them down to the pit of destruction; men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days, but I will trust in You." David HaMelech is speaking about bringing these wicked people down to the pit of destruction. Bilaam the wicked is considered a man of bloodshed, since he caused the deaths of twenty four thousand Jews in that plague which came as a result of the Midianite scheme that he initiated. And of course he is a man of deceit, a swindler in every way and at every step. Therefore, "they will not live out half their days": Chazal understand that a person's life expectancy should be seventy years, as the verse says, and if so, less than half is less than thirty five. And indeed there is a verse in Divrei HaYamim that hints that Bilaam reached the age of thirty three, so that he too did not live out half his days.
The challenge: the hedonic treadmill:
The conclusion implicit in our Mishnah is that a person can train himself to be one of the students of Avraham Avinu. The challenge facing him is what is called the hedonic treadmill, or the hedonic cycle: every person eventually returns to a stable level of happiness. Therefore, when he seeks to acquire more in order to be happy, he chases after the acquisition, and for a short time he indeed feels happy, but immediately he returns to his starting point. It turns out that all the effort he invested in obtaining those things did not help him: he is happy, or unhappy, exactly as he was before. And in the meantime, that same lifestyle creep obligates him to work harder, to pay more and to chase after ever greater thrills and pleasures, because the bar has been raised, and that is a real trap.
Practical steps for training yourself:
How do we train ourselves to be like the students of Avraham Avinu, happy with their portion, without unreasonable expectations and without excessive physical cravings?
Practicing gratitude deliberately: Rav Noach Weinberg was a great advocate of this. He said that every person should keep a gratitude journal: every night he should write down two things he is grateful to Hashem for, one physical and one non physical. This is a wonderful exercise, and I know of none easier in terms of time, and I tried it myself for a period in the past. After about a month a person has to think longer and harder to find another thing that he appreciates, and it is very much worth it: it brings a person to appreciate what he has and to have a good eye toward his portion, and it also goes a long way toward correcting the problem of the greedy soul.
Another approach, for someone who does not want a journal, is to put into words his gratitude for what Hashem has blessed him with. And there is no need to go far: using the tools that Chazal established within the daily Jewish cycle takes a person a good part of the way. Every morning a person thanks Hashem for "hanosein lasechvi vinah", that there is consciousness in existence and there is awareness in the world. Even the rooster has consciousness, and the heart has consciousness, and the fact that the light upstairs is on is the greatest gift of all, compared to a state in which you are not awake, alive and aware. Then "shelo asani aved", your personal freedom, which is more precious than gold and has no equal. And then "pokeach ivrim", your eyesight, which you should ask yourself what it is worth to you. And further on a person takes time to appreciate that he has clothing and freedom of movement. These things bring a person to appreciate his life, because the marginal benefit of the thing he is aiming for at the next stage of his life is utterly dwarfed by his freedom, his sight and his ability to think.
Pursuing meaningful goals: Someone who chases things that do not align with his values, and someone who has not thought through what his values are and what he really wants, or who does not contribute to something bigger than himself, always needs another push and then another, and it becomes harder and harder. But someone who pursues meaningful goals, goals that keep him invested for the long term, receives a more lasting satisfaction.
Focusing on experiences rather than possessions: If you have ambitions and you want to get the most out of life, God bless you. But someone who focuses on objects falls onto the hedonic treadmill, because the joy of the shiny new toy lasts only a limited time until he gets bored of it. Investing in experiences, by contrast, has two added values in breaking the hedonic cycle. First, experiences create memories, and a memory can be enjoyed again and again, without having to chase after it anew. By contrast, the new dress, the new house and the new car quickly become the old dress, the old house and the old car. Whereas someone who returns to his experiences in his mind enjoys them many times over just as much, and sometimes even more than he enjoyed them when he was actually there. Second, experiences usually involve social connections as well, and so they carry with them the added benefit of a relationship with the person you experienced that thing with.
Cultivating relationships: Unlike objects, which you have to chase and exert yourself to obtain and only then enjoy, a relationship keeps giving again and again over time. You do not need more friends and better friends: once you have a good friend, you have a good friend. This is in contrast to the need to chase after newer, better and fancier food, if those are the objects you are chasing.
Setting realistic expectations: We live in a time when people stare at their phones, and are constantly marketed the message that everyone is enjoying themselves except them. This is a terrible thing, and it is the bait that draws a person into the pleasure trap. One must internalize the words of Chazal and the verse that man was born to toil: this is your opportunity in life, to build a life of meaning. There is a time and a place for enjoyment, but that is not why you are here; you are here to achieve and to make the most of the one life you have. And when the expectation of enjoyment is like the whipped cream on top of everything, giving you extra energy to continue toward what you are truly striving for, and you do not hold the unrealistic expectation that life is meant to be fun, entertaining and free of boredom for even a moment, then your approach to your life is far more realistic.
In summary: Our Mishnah teaches that three traits determine whether a person is counted among the disciples of Avraham Avinu or among the disciples of Bilam the wicked, and that these traits can be acquired and changed - they are not a decree of nature. It is within your power to be like a disciple of Avraham Avinu: to hold on to a good eye, seeing your life as good and appreciating what you have; to hold on to a humble spirit, without an inflated sense of what you deserve; and to hold on to a modest soul, with a moderate, restrained appetite that does not keep growing and chasing after more and more.