We are up to chapter 5 of Pirkei Avos, mishnah 7 (and in some versions, mishnah 9), where we move from the sets of ten to the sets of seven: "Shivah devarim ba'golem v'shivah ba'chacham" - seven things characterize an unrefined person and seven a wise person. The mishnah lists seven identifying signs that show a person is wise, as opposed to a golem.
What is a golem?
The word 'golem' refers to something still rough around the edges - an object whose maker has begun his work but has not yet finished and polished it completely. Elsewhere our Sages mention two other categories of people who are not wise: an am ha'aretz and a bur.
Bur - the literal meaning is an unplowed field, because this person is not cultivated at all, and in two dimensions: intellectually he is ignorant of Torah and uneducated, and in terms of his character he is unrefined and socially untrained. He possesses neither of the two.
Am ha'aretz - the simple Jew, who is not well versed in halachah and lacks a Torah education, but is able to function in society. He has good character and a pleasant nature, and he is a polite person who fits into society. His deficiency is only in Torah learning - so he possesses one of the two.
Golem - stands somewhere in the middle. He has some wisdom and some social refinement: he knows more than an am ha'aretz and his character is more refined than a bur, and nevertheless he is not complete. His education is still far from reaching its goal, and so too the development of his personality, his character traits, his social conduct and his manners - all of them are far from being fully formed.
What, then, are the seven characteristics by which the wise person is distinguished from the golem? The mishnah lists them in the positive, in terms of what the wise person does, and concludes: "V'chilufeihen ba'golem" - and the opposites of these are found in the golem. Even though the mishnah opens by mentioning the golem before the wise person - since this is a process that begins with our being golems, and all of us started out as golems on our way to becoming wise with Hashem's help - its main content is stated in positive terms, in keeping with the Torah's way of speaking about the positive rather than the negative.
The seven signs of a wise person:
"Chacham eino medaber bifnei mi shehu gadol mimenu b'chochmah" - a wise person does not speak in the presence of one who is greater than he is in wisdom. He does not speak first in the presence of someone who knows more than he does. The reason, in Stephen Covey's words, is that one should first seek to understand before seeking to be understood. When there is someone to learn from, one should do so properly and learn from him before beginning to tell him what one thinks. The Bartenura explains it along the lines of the midrash, in the setting of the beis midrash: when a person comes to ask a question, why should the lesser one speak and give an answer when the wise man is able to speak in his place? But this can be broadened even beyond the walls of the beis midrash: when a person is in the presence of someone who has something to teach him, it is better that he listen and be an active listener before he opens his mouth. This does not mean that he may not speak, respond and ask questions, but rather that he should let the greater person speak first, hear what he has to say and follow his lead, since one learns far more by listening than by speaking.
In some versions of the mishnah the words "u'v'minyan" also appear - not only is the other person greater in wisdom, but also in his "count," meaning his age. According to this version, which is found in Rashi, the one who is older speaks first, since wisdom comes with age. But in many versions this word does not appear, and according to them we are speaking of someone who knows more than he does, whether that person is older or younger.
"V'eino nichnas l'toch divrei chaveiro" - he does not interrupt his fellow while he is speaking. The Bartenura describes this in the beis midrash: when a discussion is under way and there is a debate over a particular point, and one's chavrusa is presenting his side, one should not cut him off in the middle but let him complete his thought in full, since that is how one arrives at the truth. If his words are cut off before he has finished, he may become confused, get tangled up, fail to say everything he wanted to say, or forget what he intended to say. Therefore one should let a person speak, and only afterward comes the time to respond.
"V'eino nivhal l'hashiv" - he does not feel a rush to answer immediately, but takes his time to think before he responds. In the setting of the beis midrash: when a question comes to him, he considers it before answering. And generally speaking, when discussing a matter, one should not shoot from the hip, but weigh the answer carefully and calmly. 'Nivhal' comes from the word for panic: a person should not feel pressured to impress others by having the answer on the tip of his tongue without having thought it through fully. Taking one's time is the way of a wise person.
"Sho'el k'inyan u'meishiv k'halachah" - some understand this as two separate signs: "sho'el k'inyan" - he asks questions that are on topic; "u'meishiv k'halachah" - when he answers questions, he answers to the point, in accordance with halachah and as relevant to the matter at hand. The Bartenura, however, understands that the two halves of the sentence are a single idea: "sho'el k'inyan" - when he is in a shiur, he asks questions on the subject being learned and does not ask the rebbi questions from another topic, and as a result the rebbi is inside the subject and prepared for the discussion; and as a result of that, "meishiv k'halachah" - when the rebbi answers, the answer will be correct from the outset, since he is prepared for it and does not need to guess, improvise or become confused.
"V'oneh al rishon rishon v'al acharon acharon" - according to Rashi, when he is asked three questions, he answers the first one first and afterward the second and the third. Others disagree, among them Rabbeinu Yonah, who explains that the intent is the order of explanation: when he comes to explain a matter, he must build it from the top down and establish it properly, since there is a logical way to present an idea so that it will be clear from the outset - to speak about the general principles before the details. So when explaining something or answering a question, one should speak in a logical sequence, so that the listener will be able to understand as the presentation is built up from its logical foundation: the first thing first, and the later details afterward.
"V'al mah shelo shama omer lo shamati" - the Bartenura explains this too in the beis midrash: a person is giving a shiur, is asked a question and answers it, and it is possible that his answer is based on a line of reasoning that just occurred to him. If he does not make this clear and does not say "I am estimating," his listeners will assume that this was transmitted to him from his teachers and will give it extra weight. Therefore it is important that he say: "That is a good question, I have never heard it before, but perhaps this is the answer," so that it will be clear to his listeners that this is not an answer based on tradition. And broadening this even beyond the beis midrash: a person is not afraid to say "I do not know, I have not heard about this, it is a good question and I do not have a good answer." That is what one should say, rather than blurring the matter. A wise person does not blur things and is not afraid to say "I do not know."
"U'modeh al ha'emes" - he is willing to concede to the truth. In the context of a discussion in the beis midrash: Abaye and Rava are going back and forth over who is right and who is mistaken, and when Abaye raises a valid point, Rava could respond to it and keep on arguing in favor of his own approach - but it is not proper for him to do so. And to put it more plainly: when conducting a disagreement with another person, whether in the beis midrash or outside of it, one can be interested in reaching the truth and what is correct, or one can be interested in coming out right, regardless of whether it is true and correct. The point here is that when it is clear that the other side is right, one should say "You are right," and not keep on defending one's position, since it is always possible to raise arguments in defense of a position, even when one knows deep down that the truth is not on one's side.
And the opposites in the golem:
These are the seven things that testify that a person is wise, and in the golem - the opposite. Let us summarize the mishnah by reviewing the seven signs as they appear in the golem, the unrefined person:
He speaks in the presence of one who is greater than he is in wisdom.
He interrupts his fellow while he is speaking.
He rushes to answer without having thought his answer through properly.
He asks questions that are off topic, and causes an answer to come out incorrect.
He speaks out of logical order, does not give a clear presentation, and does not answer the first thing first and the last thing last.
He says things he made up on his own without letting on that he made them up, or answers questions to which he has no answer.
He quarrels for the sake of the argument and does not concede to the truth when he is mistaken.