Introduction
Psalm 38 is one of King David's psalms of rebuke and supplication, in which he describes his condition during his illness and while his enemies plot against him. In this section, we continue from the preceding verses, in which David depicted the wasting away of his body and the feebleness of his limbs, moving on to describe the patient's seemingly final moments, the attitude of those around him, the hatred of his enemies, and the path David chose to confront them: in silence and by placing all his trust in the Holy One, Blessed be He.
"Before You Is All My Desire" - Turning to Hashem and Not to Physicians
אֲדֹנָי נֶגְדְּךָ כׇל תַּאֲוָתִי וְאַנְחָתִי מִמְּךָ לֹא נִסְתָּרָה׃ - My Lord, before You is all my desire, and my sigh is not hidden from You.
Rashi explains according to the plain meaning: All my desires, all my needs, whatever I yearn for and require - You, Hashem, know them. "Before You" (negdecha) means in front of You; that is, everything is openly visible before Your eyes.
Ibn Ezra adds: "Before You" - before You alone is all my desire, that perhaps I may live, and not before the physicians. My aspiration and will to live are directed solely to You; I turn only to You and not to the doctors. As the Ramban writes: What business do doctors have in the home of those who fear Hashem, in the home of those who serve Hashem? And so we find concerning Asa, who in his illness was held accountable for not seeking Hashem, but only the physicians. King David says: I do not act in this manner - before You alone is all my longing to live and my desire to be healed, and not directed toward the physicians.
The Malbim explains in line with our approach to this psalm: At this moment, at the threshold of passing from the world, the heart seemingly replays the person's entire life like a film. All his desires for the future are "before You." "And my sigh" - the sigh is over the past, over the sins I committed, as we discussed regarding the episode of Batsheva. And even though I can no longer speak, before You there is no need to speak, for everything is before You, openly visible to Your eyes, and You know the inner thoughts of the heart.
"My Heart Flutters" - The Bodily Powers Gather Around the Heart
לִבִּי סְחַרְחַר עֲזָבַנִי כֹחִי וְאוֹר עֵינַי גַּם הֵם אֵין אִתִּי׃ - My heart flutters, my strength has left me, and the light of my eyes, they too are no longer with me.
"My heart flutters" (secharḥar) - as we explained, all the bodily energies seem to gather around the heart, which is the last organ to give out. When the heart stops, that is death, but before that point the body's strength progressively wanes. "Secharḥar" shares the root of sechor sechor, round and round: all the physical faculties gather around the heart during the dying process. Consequently, "my strength has left me" - all my physical faculties have separated from me and concentrated around the heart, and I have no strength remaining. A person in his final moments can no longer lift his arms and legs or walk.
And the final connection remaining between him and the tangible world around him is sight, the eyes. Concerning this, David says: "And the light of my eyes, they too are no longer with me" - even the light of my eyes, which connects me with the external world, is no longer with me.
"My Loved Ones and Friends Stand Aloof From My Affliction"
אֹהֲבַי וְרֵעַי מִנֶּגֶד נִגְעִי יַעֲמֹדוּ וּקְרוֹבַי מֵרָחֹק עָמָדוּ׃ - My loved ones and my companions stand aloof from my affliction, and my relatives stand afar off.
Rashi explains: those who appeared as friends in times of pleasure - when everything was good they were my friends, my loved ones, and my companions - when they see that the affliction has come upon me, they do not stand by me in my time of distress. "My loved ones and my companions" refers to those whom I considered my loved ones and friends when all was well with me, and now they stand aloof, looking on from the sidelines. Likewise, "my relatives" - Rashi says these are people who merely present themselves as close, for this does not mean actual relatives, my father, mother, brothers, and sisters, certainly not, but rather those who show themselves as close - and they, too, stood afar.
Ibn Ezra explains according to the plain meaning: why does the verse specifically say, "stand aloof from my affliction [mineged nig'i]"? Notice the phrasing - not "from me [minegdi]," but "from my affliction [mineged nig'i]." The reason is that the wounds, as David explicitly stated, "festered and grew foul" - they emitted a foul odor, and therefore, because of the stench, they keep their distance from the site of the affliction, so that the smell will not bother them.
The Malbim addresses two difficulties in this verse. The first difficulty: if they are my loved ones and companions, how could they stand aloof? Rashi resolved this by explaining that these are not true friends, but rather those who only appeared to be friends. However, regarding the word "and my kinsmen [ukrovai]," this explanation is more difficult, since "kinsmen" implies actual relatives, and one cannot say of them that they merely seemed to be relatives. The second difficulty: why does the verse use the future tense for the loved ones - "shall stand [ya'amodu]" - while using the past tense for the relatives - "stood [amadu]"?
The Malbim resolves this based on the reality surrounding a dying person: loved ones distance themselves because they despair of his recovery. Thus, this is not a grievance against fair-weather friends - these are genuine loved ones, but they see that it is over, that nothing more can be done for David, and that he is about to die. Meanwhile, "my kinsmen [ukrovai]" - these are the people who had always stood at a distance, which is why the verse uses the past tense, "stood afar [meirachok amadu]," and only now have they become close to me: now they stand near me, allowing everyone to approach, as is customary when a person is dying and everyone is brought close. Since they realize that I am about to depart from this world, they now draw near and cling to me.
"They Who Seek My Life Lay Snares" - The Plotters and Slanderers
וַיְנַקְשׁוּ מְבַקְשֵׁי נַפְשִׁי וְדֹרְשֵׁי רָעָתִי דִּבְּרוּ הַוּוֹת וּמִרְמוֹת כׇּל הַיּוֹם יֶהְגּוּ׃ - They who seek my life lay snares, and those who seek my ruin speak malice, and utter deceits all the day long.
"Those who seek my life" are the ones who want me to die. They stand beside my bed, terrified lest I recover, and therefore "they lay snares [vayinakshu]" - they seek an attempt on his life, looking to do something that will hasten his death: to give him a noxious drink, or whatever it may be.
"And those who seek my ruin" - these are the ones who do not take active measures, who do not lay actual traps, but in their hearts desire my downfall and wish harm upon me. They "speak malice [havot]" - havot means wicked things; they spread evil slanders about me, saying: "David is wicked, David is a sinner; would he receive all this for nothing? He is now paying the price."
Yet one must ask: who would believe them? David, after all, was known as a tzaddik and renowned as pious: "Preserve my soul, for I am pious." To this, the verse says, "and utter deceits all the day long": they have no problem circulating fabricated investigative reports, telling everyone how wicked and corrupt he is - the media will know how to handle it, and then it will be handed to the prosecutors, who will open cases based on the reports. All day long, to reinforce their claims in the eyes of the masses, they spin deceit and falsehoods about me, so that people will come to believe that David truly is corrupt, truly wicked, and fully deserving of his punishment.
"And I Am as a Deaf Man, Who Does Not Hear" - The Power of Silence
וַאֲנִי כְחֵרֵשׁ לֹא אֶשְׁמָע וּכְאִלֵּם לֹא יִפְתַּח פִּיו׃ - And I am as a deaf man, who does not hear, and as a mute who does not open his mouth.
The Malbim explains that this statement parallels what we saw earlier. Corresponding to "Those who seek my life lay snares," who wanted to put him to death and spoke about it in his presence, assuming that David did not hear and did not understand - David says: I made myself like a deaf man who does not hear. And corresponding to "those who seek my harm speak treacherous words," who slandered him and claimed he was wicked and a sinner - David says: "and like a mute who does not open his mouth," I was like a mute person who does not open his mouth to answer their slander, to prove and clarify my righteousness. I remained silent and did not answer them.
The Explanation of the Chozeh David: The Silence That Silences the Reviler
In the sefer Chozeh David by Rabbi David Chazan, from about three hundred years ago, he notes a grammatical nuance in the verse. David employs two different forms of expression: "And I, like a deaf man, would not hear" - in the first person; whereas "and like a mute who does not open his mouth" - in the third person. Why did he not say, "and like a mute I did not open my mouth"?
He explains that when Shimei reviled David, David calculated: If I answer his vehement curse - calling him an adulterer, a Moabite, a murderer, and the like - I will only draw further insults from him. As the sage remarked: No man has ever insulted me a second time. That is to say, already the first time I did not respond to him; for how does one ever reach a second time? He insults you, you answer back, and he counters once again - and that is the second time. To the first time he insulted me, I did not react at all.
And so David says: When they were reviling me, I resolved to be like a deaf man - and for what purpose? "I would not hear," so that I would not hear any further insults and blasphemies. He does not mean that he was truly deaf and unable to hear, but that he made himself like a deaf man so that he would not hear insults a second time. Consequently, because I acted like a deaf man, "and like a mute who does not open his mouth" - and this already refers to Shimei: he became like a mute and did not open his mouth, and did not continue to revile and blaspheme me. Now it is clear why the verse says "he does not open his mouth" in the third person, for the verse is speaking here not of David, but of Shimei.
וָאֱהִי כְּאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר לֹא שֹׁמֵעַ וְאֵין בְּפִיו תּוֹכָחוֹת׃ - And I became like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth there are no reproofs.
The Chozeh David continues: "And I became like a man who does not hear" - even in the present - and as a result, "and in whose mouth there are no reproofs," for since I do not hear, what reason does he have to rebuke me? This too refers to Shimei ben Gera, who had nothing left to rebuke me for: when someone sees a person who does not hear, what point is there in rebuking him? He continues to explain the rest of the psalm in this manner, but this is what pertains to our subject, and the idea is truly wonderful.
The Malbim explains the verse in his own way: In truth, I was not deaf; rather, I heard everything, but I made myself like a man who does not hear. And similarly regarding what he said, "and like a mute who does not open his mouth" - I was not mute, I was fully able to speak, but I made myself like a man in whose mouth there are no reproofs, like a person who has no defense to prove his innocence. For as the Malbim explained, they slandered him and leveled false accusations against him, and he could have responded to them; nevertheless, he made himself like a man in whose mouth there are no reproofs, meaning he had nothing to argue with them about and seemingly had no claims. And the reason he did so was because he realized that they sought to kill him, as we explained, that they plotted to poison him and the like.
"For to You, Hashem, I Hoped" - Leaving the Answer to the Holy One, Blessed Be He
כִּי לְךָ יְהֹוָה הוֹחָלְתִּי אַתָּה תַעֲנֶה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהָי׃ - For to You, Hashem, I hoped; You will answer, my Lord, my God.
"For to You, Hashem, I hoped" - I place my hope in You and wait for You to rescue me from their hands. And the reason I made myself like a man in whose mouth there are no reproofs to answer their slander is that I trust that I do not need to answer on my own - "You will answer, my Lord, my God," You will respond in my stead; You are the One who will give them an answer.
And this is always the better way: not to offer reproofs in return. When someone argues with you and tries to expose your shortcomings, do not keep arguing to demonstrate your virtues; on the contrary, "and God seeks the pursued" - when a person is pursued, Hashem seeks him out, and He will provide them with ample answers.
"For I Am Prepared for Halting" - Making a Great Downfall Out of a Minor Stumble
כִּי אָמַרְתִּי פֶּן יִשְׂמְחוּ לִי בְּמוֹט רַגְלִי עָלַי הִגְדִּילוּ׃ - For I said, lest they rejoice over me; when my foot slips, they magnify themselves against me.
כִּי אֲנִי לְצֶלַע נָכוֹן וּמַכְאוֹבִי נֶגְדִּי תָמִיד׃ - For I am prepared for halting, and my pain is continually before me.
These words return to what was said earlier, "Do not forsake me, Hashem": It is fitting, Master of the Universe, that You should not forsake me, and why? Because I said - if You forsake me, "lest they rejoice over me." They will immediately say: Look, you see that Hashem has forsaken him; we told you David is wicked, we told you David commits improper deeds, see that Hashem has forsaken him.
"When my foot slips, they magnify themselves against me" - my foot slipped slightly just once, and they immediately magnified and exaggerated the matter, declaring that I have already become permanently blemished, that I am now limping upon my hip. And not merely limping temporarily, but "for I am prepared for halting [tzela]" - that I will always limp, and "my pain is continually before me" - that my pain will forever stand before me. In other words, over a minor thing, over a slight slip, they make a massive uproar and have already determined that it is over, that David's ultimate end is utter ruin: do not think his foot slipped and he will quickly right himself - no, he is "prepared for halting"; his foot slipped and he will remain lame, and not merely lame, but suffering chronic pain. And all of this is so they can come out against him, condemn him, speak ill of him, and feel justified in harming him.
"Prepared for Halting" - Chazal's Exegesis Regarding Batsheva
Chazal expound "For I am prepared for halting [tzela]" as an allusion to the matter of Batsheva: It was taught in the academy of Rabbi Yishmael, Batsheva was designated for David since the six days of Creation, but he consumed her before she was ripe. "Prepared for tzela [the rib / wife]" - she was prepared in advance; the rib was already designated for him.
The Maharsha explains why a woman is called a "rib [tzela]" here: First of all, we find in Chazal the expression "my rib [tzal'ati]" - meaning my wife, my rib. Yet here there is a special reason: since she was designated for him from the six days of Creation, and at that very time woman was called "rib." Therefore, "I am prepared for the rib" - from the very six days of Creation, my soul was prepared to be the partner of Batsheva.
The Roots of the Matter in the Teachings of Reincarnation
Based on these ideas, there is an extensive discussion in the teachings of gilgulim (reincarnations), of which only a few points will be presented here. It is explained there that King David is a reincarnation of Hevel (in addition to being an incarnation of Adam HaRishon), while Uriah the Hittite stems from the root of Kayin and the primordial serpent. As is well known, the holy Ari categorized many souls throughout history: those stemming from the root of Hevel, which is the root of good, and those from the root of Kayin, the negative root. For example, Korach was from the root of Kayin, while Moshe was from the root of Hevel - "Moshe" being an acronym for Moshe, Sheit, and Hevel - representing the root of holiness and spirituality.
Batsheva is the extra twin sister. For with Kayin and with Hevel, a twin sister was born to each - for otherwise, whom would they marry? "The world is built on kindness" - each married his twin. However, with Hevel an extra twin sister was born, and over her the dispute between Kayin and Hevel arose. "And Kayin rose up against Hevel his brother and killed him" - and over what was the dispute? The Midrash says: over the extra twin, whom Kayin wanted to take, even though she rightfully belonged to Hevel. In that incarnation, Kayin murdered Hevel in order to take that twin sister.
Therefore, David now comes and takes Batsheva, who is the reincarnation of that extra twin sister, from Uriah the Hittite, who is an incarnation of Kayin; thus Hevel takes back from Kayin the woman rightfully his. This is "I am prepared for the rib [tzela]," and this is what Chazal alluded to when saying, "Batsheva was designated for David since the six days of Creation" - from the six days of Creation, from the time of the dispute between Kayin and Hevel.
It is fascinating to note: "Batsheva was destined for David" - the initial letters of the Hebrew words hayetah Batsheva le-David (הָיְתָה בַּת שֶׁבַע לְדָוִד) spell Hevel (Abel), as cited in a gloss to Sefer HaGilgulim. And Scripture states, "Cain said to Abel his brother, and it came to pass when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him" - what does this hint at? That they quarrelled over the "field." The numerical value (gematria) of be-heyotam basadeh ("when they were in the field") is 774, exactly equal to Batsheva. Not only that, but Chazal state that "field" refers to a woman, as a woman is compared to the land of the world, and we find several expressions such as "such-and-such field belongs to so-and-so." Furthermore, it has been noted that the word basadeh (בַּשָּׂדֶה) forms an acronym for Batsheva, David HaMelech. In other words, "and it came to pass when they were in the field" - the dispute was over the fact that Batsheva rightfully belonged to King David.
The Midrash states: Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korcha taught that Adam and Chavah went up to bed as two and came down as seven - Cain and his twin sister, and Abel and his two twin sisters. Cain and his twin make two, Abel and his two twins make five, and together with Adam and Chavah, seven descended from the bed. Thus, the extra twin was the last, the seventh, and she was the one who was later reincarnated as Batsheva.
That additional twin was meant to be Abel's portion, but Abel blemished his soul - and therefore he, too, was killed. And what was his blemish? As discussed in several essays, Abel gazed at the Shechinah, and on account of that he became liable to death. When did he gaze? At the moment his offering was accepted. Now David came to rectify this blemish. David was the epitome of Ruach HaKodesh (the Holy Spirit), as Chazal state, for it is written, "Then Samuel took the horn of oil... and anointed him in the midst of his brothers, and the spirit of Hashem came mightily upon David from that day forward." David also says, "Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me," and "The spirit of Hashem spoke by me, and His word was on my tongue." Ruach HaKodesh is the Shechinah, and through this David came to rectify having gazed inappropriately at the Shechinah in his incarnation as Abel.
Now, when King David found the soulmate destined for him, he saw her once again in the hands of Cain - in the hands of Uriah the Hittite, who was the reincarnation of Cain. Therefore, he rose against him and took her from him against his will, because she was rightfully his and belonged to him. This is what Chazal meant when they said: "Whoever says David sinned is merely mistaken," for she truly belonged to him. For this reason she is referred to in the verse as a "rib" (tzela), as she was destined for him since the Six Days of Creation, as explained by the Maharsha. There is much more to elaborate on this topic, but this suffices for the understanding of our verse.
"For I Declare My Iniquity" - Hatred Without a Cause
כִּי עֲוֺנִי אַגִּיד אֶדְאַג מֵחַטָּאתִי׃ - For I declare my iniquity; I am anxious over my sin.
The Radak explains: Why am I anxious? Because I remember my iniquity and declare it - meaning, I recount it to myself and am troubled by it, lest, Heaven forbid, I perish on its account. "I am anxious over my sin" - lest this sin become a snare for me and cause me harm.
The Malbim explains differently: After David described the severity of their animosity, the sheer depth of their hatred, he proceeds to explain the cause of their hostility. It is a general rule that when a person is hated for a specific, identifiable reason, removing the cause will remove the animosity. If someone is hated because he pursues good and his hater is wicked, then once the pursuer of good ceases doing his deeds publicly and no longer appears before others as doing good, the wicked person no longer has a reason to hate him. And conversely: if a person acts wickedly and the righteous hate him because of his evil deeds, then if he mends his ways and repents, they will no longer hate him. Simply put: if the cause of hatred is known, one possesses the means to remove it.
וְאֹיְבַי חַיִּים עָצֵמוּ וְרַבּוּ שֹׂנְאַי שָׁקֶר׃ - But my enemies are vigorous and strong, and those who hate me wrongfully are multiplied.
וּמְשַׁלְּמֵי רָעָה תַּחַת טוֹבָה יִשְׂטְנוּנִי תַּחַת רׇדְפִי טוֹב׃ - They repay evil for good; they oppose me because I pursue what is good.
David says: Here I publicly acknowledge my iniquity, and I openly declare that I am anxious over my sin - meaning, I make it known to all that I have sins and faults. Yet even this does not help me, for "they oppose me because I pursue what is good": they hate me under the pretense that I am righteous and pursue good, because they are wicked and detest those who do good. I say to them: I have sins and shortcomings! Yet even so, "my enemies are vigorous and strong" - their hostility is endless, and their hatred will not be dispelled by my declaring my iniquity. All this is because they are "those who hate me wrongfully" (sone'ai sheker) - they hate without any real cause.
For when a person merely seeks excuses, it does no good to tell him: You have no reason to hate me. Do you hate me because I am righteous? I am not righteous; see how many sins I have! Do you hate me because I am wicked? I am not wicked. Nothing will avail, for he simply hates you and is merely searching for a pretext.
A story is told of a charedi man who happened to walk past a demonstration in favor of conscription, where everyone was chanting, "Draft for everyone!" A woman there shouted at him, "Go serve in the army!" He took out his military ID card and showed her that he had served in the army for three years. She said to him, "Go get a job!" He took out another card and showed her that he had been working at Israel Aerospace Industries for several years. She yelled at him, "Then go to hell!" If so, why didn't you say that from the beginning? No excuses will help. They hate simply because they hate; one time they find this pretext, and another time a different one.
As noted previously, the motifs of hatred toward observant Jews are identical to the motifs of anti-Semitism: no matter what the Jew does, he is hated. If the Jews are poor, they are a burden on the economy, and we are supporting them. Yet if they were wealthy bankers in other places, then comes "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion" - there is a Jewish plot to take over the world economy. If the Jews are pacifists and oppose wars, they don't care about what happens to the country; we are in trouble and they are always against us. But if they are patriotic and support wars, they are warmongers who just want to see gentile blood spilled. It does not matter what you do.
If so, offering excuses is completely futile, for it rests on the mistaken belief that the hatred depends on an excuse. This is precisely King David's argument: earlier we saw wicked people who hated him because he was righteous, and now there are those who consider themselves righteous who hate him because they claim he is wicked. In short, these people are deceitful enemies, hating without a cause, and there is nothing one can do with such a foe. Nothing will appease him, because no matter how much you prove to him that these pretexts have no bearing, it will not convince him - he simply wants to hate.
"Do Not Forsake Me, Hashem" - The Final Plea
אַל תַּעַזְבֵנִי יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהַי אַל תִּרְחַק מִמֶּנִּי׃ - Do not forsake me, Hashem; my God, do not be far from me.
חוּשָׁה לְעֶזְרָתִי אֲדֹנָי תְּשׁוּעָתִי׃ - Hasten to my aid, my Lord, my salvation.
Therefore, King David says: I have no choice, and the only path is to plead before You, Master of the Universe. Radak explains: "Do not forsake me" - let it not be as they think, that I have no helper; rather, let them see that I have One Who helps me. "Do not be far from me" - when I cry out to You, be near to hear my cry.
Ibn Ezra adds that "do not be far from me" corresponds to what was said earlier, that "my companions and my friends stood at a distance." They distanced themselves, but You, Hashem, do not be far from me; remain close to me.
Metzudat David explains: "Do not forsake me" - since I cannot answer them myself, You answer them. And how will this answer be given? By assisting me and hastening to my aid, so that through this they will see that all their claims against me are futile and false, for Hashem saves me. Thus: do not forsake me to depart from me, do not distance Yourself even a little, and furthermore, hasten quickly to my aid.
In Summary:
In this section of the psalm, King David describes the depths of his distress: his bodily strength is drained and drawn back to the heart, the light of his eyes is extinguished, loved ones lose hope and stand aloof, and distant acquaintances draw near as one approaches a dying person. Around him stand those who seek his life, aiming to hasten his death, and those who seek his harm, spreading slander and deception to incriminate him in the eyes of the masses. Yet David chooses the path of silence: "But I am like a deaf man who does not hear, and like a mute who does not open his mouth" - out of the realization that the true response to insults is non-response, and that God seeks the pursued. He reveals that there is no point in offering excuses to deceitful enemies, for their hatred does not depend on any reason. Therefore, all his hope is placed solely in the Holy One, Blessed be He: "For in You, Hashem, do I hope; You will answer," "Do not forsake me, Hashem my God; do not be far from me. Hasten to my aid, my Lord, my salvation."