Before us is the conclusion of the letter Tes in Chapter 119. Here, Dovid HaMelech contrasts two worlds: the world of the insolent who follow the desires of their hearts, whose lust closes off their hearts from understanding, and his own world - "I have delighted in Your Torah." Out of this contrast, he reaches two profound conclusions: "It is good for me that I was afflicted," and "Better to me is the Torah of Your mouth than thousands of gold and silver pieces."
טָפַשׁ כַּחֵלֶב לִבָּם אֲנִי תּוֹרָתְךָ שִׁעֲשָׁעְתִּי׃ - Their heart is gross as fat, but I delight in Your Torah.
The Malbim explains that there are two types of heretics. There are those spoken of in the previous verse, "The willful have forged a lie against me" - those who deny the Torah and mitzvos through intellectual arguments. And there are those whose heart "is gross as fat" - clogged with excess fatness. They follow the lusts of their heart, the craving for food, and through this indulgence they become licentious and deny the mitzvos. They do not claim that everything is a lie, but simply: "I don't feel like it." "It feels better; I derive more pleasure from sin." This very indulgence causes foolishness and stupor to overcome them, as fat encases and deadens the heart.
This is a simple reality: the more one is drawn after bodily pleasures, the more obtuse and closed off his heart becomes. Observe this even among secular intellectuals of the nations: look at the world's greatest thinkers, and you will not find stories of a brilliant mind, an Einstein of his generation, who was immersed in carnal pleasures and gluttony. Such people are generally more ascetic, less preoccupied with the body. You will not find a great scientist with sixty kilos of muscle on his shoulders; if someone focuses entirely on brute strength, his intellectual grasp is generally compromised. That is not to say an exception cannot exist anywhere in the world, but as a rule, these things do not go together.
And in Torah Judaism, this is beyond question. When we look at figures like Rav Shteinman and Rav Elyashiv, Rav Kaduri and the Baba Sali, one sees skin and bones: individuals completely removed from physical craving and material indulgence. But even in the world at large, people of deep intellect are not people of base desires, whereas those consumed by desires have a heart that is "gross as fat." Desires and the pursuit of indulgence act like a layer of fat that settles over the heart and seals it: the heart is neither pure nor clear, unable to grasp or delve deeply.
And in contrast to this, what do we have? "But I delight in Your Torah." The Torah sobers the heart, grants insight, and weakens the pull of physical desire. That is why it is called tushiyah - because it weakens (mateshes) a person's physical drives, exhausting his cravings. Dovid HaMelech says: in contrast to those who pursue physical pleasures, I have the Torah, which purifies me from lusts and leads me to profound depth and understanding of the inner dimensions of the Torah, its deepest secrets, and therefore: "Teach me Your statutes."
The Radak explains that the word tafash can be understood as an imperative and a prayer: Master of the Universe, make their hearts gross as fat! Fatten their hearts so that they cannot understand Your Torah. I, who have delighted in Your Torah, understand it; but as for the heart of those willful sinners, let it become dull and clogged with fat. This is similar to what is written, "Make the heart of this people fat."
The simple understanding of this is as follows: since these verses refer to men of stature such as Doeg and Achitophel, if they remain formidable in Torah, they might lead others astray after them. As the saying goes: a person with corrupt character traits is a bandit, but if he possesses Torah knowledge, he is an armed bandit. His danger is multiplied sevenfold. If a person merely has bad traits, people know to stay away; but an accomplished Torah scholar with corrupt traits is armed. Torah becomes an axe for his bad character traits and lusts, and he knows how to wield it to carry them out. And the greater disaster is that others learn from him. People point and say: look at so-and-so, look at that rabbi.
Then try explaining to people that one cannot have it both ways. Even if someone carries a title, what is the true measure? The Shulchan Aruch is the measure. Walking in the ways of Hashem with refined character is what counts. But someone of whom people say, "Woe to his teacher who taught him Torah" - from him will you take an example? Is he your model? Have we not had various Korachs throughout the generations? Surely we do not learn from them. Therefore, when such scholars possess corrupt traits, like Doeg and Achitophel, they draw others after them and cause people to follow evil. Dovid thus pleads: Master of the Universe, let their heart be gross as fat - let those who forged lies against me be rendered foolish, so that they cannot drag people after them with their intellect and vast knowledge.
טוֹב־לִי כִי־עֻנֵּיתִי לְמַעַן אֶלְמַד חֻקֶּיךָ׃ - It is good for me that I was afflicted, so that I might learn Your statutes.
Rashi brings two explanations. First: It was good for me that I endured suffering and affliction, so that I would turn back from the evil path and keep Your statutes. Second: It was good in my eyes when I bore suffering in order to study Torah through hardship. That is to say, I am willing even to endure affliction if through it I can study Torah despite the distress.
About Rabbi Elazar it is written that he ate in enormous quantities, and he possessed tremendous strength - he would carry donkeys up to the attic. Even so, he was a holy man of God. The Gemara also mentions another sage, one of the Kohanim, who would eat abundantly so that sacrificial meat would not become nosar (leftover), consuming many squabs for dessert. One must understand that for the righteous, eating is a sacred service - service in the sense of rectification (tikkun).
The Chazon Ish said of himself that he did not know whether he had eaten or not; if he saw the plate was empty, it was a sign that he had finished, and if not, presumably he had not yet eaten. He also said that he had no doubt whatsoever that the author of the Shev Shema'teta tasted no flavor in kugel. When a person experiences such taste in Torah study, there is no question that he feels no flavor in physical food. And these were giants from generations that people still remember.
The Baba Sali would rise very early on Shabbat morning to conclude the prayers early and eat a kezayit at the morning meal, just so that by the end of the day, at the Third Meal (Seudah Shelishit), he would be able to ingest another kezayit - for otherwise he would not have been capable of eating. Even so, he would host lavish meals in his home, feeding others and even insisting that they eat. Someone related that his uncle, who had a close relationship with the Baba Sali, once visited him and had to drive afterward. The Baba Sali brought him a full cup of arak - not a small shot glass, but a large cup like a beer mug, full of arak - and told him, "Drink." He replied, "Rebbe, I cannot; I do not drink strong liquor at all." The Baba Sali insisted, "Drink." He later recounted: "I drank it, and I felt nothing, as if I had drunk plain water. Afterward, I drove the car, and it had no effect on me whatsoever."
For the righteous, eating is sacred service, and these were lofty, holy individuals. It is related of Rabbi Elazar that he underwent an operation to remove fat from his flesh, and the Gemara describes that they left it in the sun for several months and it did not rot. If one leaves meat outside for half a day, its odor changes; after two days, it breeds worms and rots. This came to demonstrate that his entire body was holy, and all his eating was not eating in the sense we understand it, but an eating of rectification, of elevating the sparks of holiness.
Radak explains: "It is good for me that I was afflicted, so that I might learn Your statutes" - even when I afflicted myself and toiled to learn Your statutes, to me it was an immense delight. For what kind of affliction is it, if the goal is so grand and sacred? It is an affliction that I relish, an affliction that I embrace willingly. This is similar to what Rashi says: it was good in my eyes when I bore suffering in order to study Torah through hardship.
A man once related that life with his wife was very difficult, and she caused him much grief. Yet she earned a respectable salary, from which they made a living - while he studied Torah. He said: "With all the hardship, the very fact that I can sit and learn makes it worth it. The Holy One, blessed be He, could have given me an easy-going wife, but then I would have had to go out and work - and what would that have been worth to me? I would not have been able to learn. Today, I sit in the kollel from morning to night, and the burden of livelihood does not rest on my shoulders. If they were to ask me what I prefer - a pleasant wife and you go out to work, or such a wife and you sit and learn?" This is what the verse means: "It is good for me that I was afflicted, so that I might learn Your statutes." I accept this affliction with love. It is as if they asked me before I descended into this world what I prefer, and I said: "This, so that I might learn Your statutes." This is precisely what King David says: I would rather be afflicted, if it leads me to immerse in Torah - I accept it, I rejoice in it, and I thank the Master of the Universe.
Incidentally, there is a profound lesson here. When a person finds himself in distress, he often becomes consumed by what is bad. Look at what is good! That avreich took the hardship he was experiencing and looked at its positive aspects: here, through this, I am able to study Torah. Do you have complaints about why the Holy One, blessed be He, gave you such a spouse? See how the Almighty took care of you: through her, thank God, you have a livelihood, and you can sit and learn Torah in peace. Whenever a person faces distress, let him look for the points of light. If he focuses only on the bad, he sinks into gloom, despairs, and comes with grievances against the Master of the Universe. Look at what is positive, at what is good, and give thanks for that.
The Malbim explains that the focal point of the verse is "Your statutes" (chukecha). Even though Torah drains a person's strength - "It is good for me that I was afflicted," so that through this I might learn Your statutes. For the Gemara says that a person does not comprehend the secrets of the Torah unless he vomits out the milk he nursed from his mother's breasts, meaning until he casts off worldly pleasures and delights. "The Torah I learned in distress - that is what stayed with me." Torah that one learns through hardship, through affliction, and through toil, only by killing oneself over it - does one merit to understand the secrets of the Torah. Regarding this, King David says: "It is good for me that I was afflicted," if ultimately "I might learn Your statutes" - to comprehend the statutes, the secrets of the Torah, and its inner essence. For this, I am willing to endure affliction and torment myself with utter devotion to the Torah.
And "I was afflicted" includes both physical affliction and the sacrifice of wealth and possessions: because of the Torah, I do not invest my time in material pursuits and worldly acquisitions, but rather invest my entire being into Torah. It is obvious to anyone with understanding that when an avrech devotes himself entirely to Torah, it comes at a cost. During that time, he could have provided for his household, looked for a job in high-tech, and his home would look completely different, with his assets and financial standing infinitely improved. King David says: No. "It is good for me that I was afflicted." I am willing to endure a life that feels like affliction and hardship, living hand-to-mouth, watching every penny - if through this "I might learn Your statutes," if through this power I will attain the secrets of the Torah and its inner depth.
טוֹב־לִי תוֹרַת־פִּיךָ מֵאַלְפֵי זָהָב וָכָסֶף׃ - The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands in gold and silver.
The Malbim explains according to his approach that the central point here is the Torah. I prefer to attain "the Torah of Your mouth" - which refers to the reasons behind the statutes. It is called "the Torah of Your mouth" because these reasons cannot be deduced on one's own; they come only from Your mouth, as it is written, "From Hashem's mouth come knowledge and discernment." Statutes are hidden and esoteric matters - such as shatnez, mixed species, the Red Heifer, and the like - and can only be understood from the mouth of Hashem. Therefore, I prefer the Torah of Your mouth, to understand and delve into the statutes, more than thousands in gold and silver. As we said: "It is good for me that I was afflicted" - I am ready for the depletion of strength, ready to endure whatever comes my way, even a total lack of gold and silver, so long as I merit the Torah of Your mouth and gain deeper comprehension in Torah.
The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yochanan was walking with his disciple and passed by a vineyard. He said to him: Do you see this vineyard? It used to be mine. The disciple asked: And what happened to it today? He replied: I sold it. Why? In order to engage in Torah. They passed by a field - he said to him: This field was mine, and I sold it to engage in Torah. In this manner, he walked past property after property, showing him how much he had sold so that he could immerse himself in Torah.
And that disciple began to weep. Rabbi Yochanan asked him: Why are you crying? He replied: Our master, what have you left for your old age? What will be with your retirement? He told him: Instead of crying, you ought to rejoice! I sold something that was created in seven days for something that was given in forty days - I sold that which is physical and fleeting for eternity. And over this you ask me what will be? How long is a person in retirement, twenty years? But eternity has no end. So what should one work for, retirement or eternity? I labored for eternity, and for that I poured out my strength.
A point eventually arrived when Rabbi Yochanan saw that there was simply no other choice, and said: Let us go and fulfill through ourselves the verse, "There shall be no destitute person among you" - meaning that a person must make an effort not to be impoverished, for he had reached a state where he had nothing to eat. He and Ilfa set out together. Then Rabbi Yochanan heard the ministering angels conversing among themselves: Let us drop this wall upon them, for they are abandoning eternal life and pursuing fleeting, temporary life - seeking a livelihood. The second angel replied: Do not bring down the wall upon them; there is one among them who is destined to become great, destined to be a Rosh Yeshivah - let us spare them and save them. Rabbi Yochanan asked Ilfa: Did you hear anything? Ilfa answered: I heard nothing. Rabbi Yochanan understood that the message was directed at him, and that he was the one destined to become a Rosh Yeshivah. He said to Ilfa: I will go and fulfill through myself the verse, "For the destitute will not cease from the midst of the land" - there will always be destitute people in the world, and let me be that destitute one. He parted from Ilfa; Ilfa went off to engage in commerce, and Rabbi Yochanan returned to the beit midrash.
Rav Shteinman asks: Where is the fairness? Why did the ministering angels not make their voices heard to Ilfa as well? Perhaps he, too, would have returned to the beit midrash! After all, when Ilfa returned to the study hall after years in commerce, he was an extraordinary talmid chacham of immense learning - he climbed to the top of a ship's mast and declared: If anyone asks me a question on any matter and I cannot find a source for it in the Mishnah, I will jump and end my life! Such was his genius in Torah. And Rabbi Yochanan said to him: Had you remained here, wouldn't they have appointed you Rosh Yeshivah instead of me? See how much you lost by leaving! If so, why did the ministering angels not ensure that he stayed as well?
The answer, Rav Shteinman explains, is found in the Midrash we mentioned: one who gives himself over to Torah to such an extent - selling his vineyard, selling his field, selling everything for the sake of more Torah study - merits that even the ministering angels speak into his ears in order to save him and bring him back to the Beit Midrash. It started from somewhere. In Heaven, gifts are not given for no reason; in Heaven, they grant rewards in response to an action you performed. And this is what the verse says: "The Torah of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver" - I choose to acquire the Torah of Your mouth, which are the reasons for the chukim that can be understood only from Your mouth, and this is more precious to me than thousands in gold and silver, and therefore I sold everything.
Radak comments: Others afflict themselves and toil to acquire wealth, but I afflicted myself and wearied my body to acquire Torah.
In the sefer Hakatuv LeChaim, it is cited in the name of Knesset HaGedolah, who quoted the Maharil, that Rabbeinu Tam was wealthy. When he would sit to engage in Torah in the depths of Halachah, he would place a vessel filled with gold coins before him to broaden his heart for Torah. When a person sees a vessel full of gold coins, it opens the heart.
Based on this, he explains: Chazal expound, "And all your children shall be taught by the Lord" - one who learns from the mouth of the Holy One, Blessed be He, his learning endures with him and he does not forget his study. It is also written that in the First Temple, the light of the Shechinah assisted in Torah study, and likewise the light of the Shechinah assists Talmidei Chachamim in understanding their learning and ensuring it endures with them. According to this, he explains the verse: "The Torah of Your mouth is better to me" - Master of the Universe, the Torah that I learn from Your mouth, through which the Shechinah aids me in understanding and remembering what I learn, is better for me than the thousands in gold and silver that Rabbeinu Tam placed before himself so that his heart would open to Torah. Through the Torah of Your mouth, through what I learn directly from You, I have no need to do as Rabbeinu Tam did and place gold and silver before me.
Yet Rabbeinu Tam did indeed act this way, and Rabbeinu Tam was a towering giant in his generation - whenever one seeks an example of someone extraordinary in the power of deep analysis and pilpul, Rabbeinu Tam is cited, a great wonder in depth, pilpul, and sharpness. Why, then, did he do this? The author of Hakatuv LeChaim suggests that he may have done so for the sake of the students before him, to inspire them to learn, rather than for his own need; for himself, "the Torah of Your mouth" - what is learned directly from the mouth of the Holy One, Blessed be He - already opens the heart and grants memory, more than thousands of gold and silver.
One might even suggest that Rabbeinu Tam interpreted the verse in the opposite direction. "The Torah of Your mouth is good to me" - how will I remember the Torah, and through what will my heart be opened to its study? "Through thousands of gold and silver" - when I place thousands of gold and silver before me, it opens my heart to the Torah, to understand and remember. Thus, the verse does not necessarily contradict Rabbeinu Tam's practice; rather, he read it in a different way.
In the sefer Yosef Tehillot, the Chida explains: David HaMelech deals here with two situations - with "I was afflicted" (poverty), and with the state of gold and silver, a state of wealth. Poverty has a good side and a bad side. The good side: the poor person has no business affairs, and consequently he is free to engage in Torah - he is not preoccupied with business, since he has none. The bad side: his young children ask for bread, he has no livelihood, and he is plagued with anxiety over sustenance.
And if you should say that wealth is preferable, wealth also has two sides. The good side: his sustenance is abundant, he does not worry about what he will eat, and he has plenty to provide for his children. But do not think that as a result he has more free time - quite the contrary. The busiest people in the world are the wealthy: constantly occupied and harried, flying here and there, sitting in meetings and boardrooms, without a single free moment. Ask Roshei Yeshivah who need to meet with wealthy donors, and they will tell you how hard it is to find an open slot in their calendars - a flight here, a meeting there, an exhibition elsewhere. This is the bad side: the wealthy person has no free time to study Torah, burdened as he is with businesses and merchandise.
And not everyone is Rabbi Elazar ben Charsom, who left everything behind, placed a jar of flour on his shoulders, and went off to the Beit Midrash, to the point that on one occasion his own workers - who did not recognize him - detained him to conscript him into royal labor and forced service. They did not realize he was their boss, for they had never seen him in the business; he was in the Beit Midrash at all times. In the natural course of things, it does not work that way.
It turns out, says the Chida, that both wealth and poverty have advantages and disadvantages. Thus, the verse comes and says: "It is good for me that I was afflicted" - it is good for me when I am in poverty, for then I am free to study Torah, and this is "so that I might learn Your statutes." And if you ask: is there not also a bad side, in that there is no sustenance, and one preoccupied with sustenance is filled with worry, whereas studying Torah requires joy? To this he answers: "The Torah of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver." Even in poverty I do not suffer, I have no anguish; the Torah is better to me than thousands of gold and silver, and I study out of joy. If so, "It is good for me that I was afflicted" - for me it is entirely good, with no downside at all: I rejoice in the Torah, poverty does not bring me to sadness, anxiety, or depression, and the drawback of financial worry does not diminish me. I am left only with the advantage - "It is good for me that I was afflicted," for then I am freer to engage in the Torah of Hashem. With this, we have completed the letter Tet in chapter 119.
These three verses build a single cohesive progression. "Their heart is as gross as fat" - desire clogs the heart and dulls it, and David pleads that people should not be drawn after those prominent, willful sinners through the power of their intellect, for a scholar with corrupt character traits is seven times more dangerous. In contrast, "I have delighted in Your Torah" - the Torah purifies, wears down lust, and opens the heart to its secrets. From here follows "It is good for me that I was afflicted": a person accepts afflictions of the body and of wealth with love, because only one who has vomited out worldly pleasures can grasp the secrets of the Torah, and knows how to look at the points of light in his situation and give thanks for them. And from this stems "The Torah of Your mouth is better for me than thousands of gold and silver": one who sells his vineyard and field for the sake of another hour of Torah exchanges the transient for the eternal, and merits that Heavenly assistance will open his heart and preserve his learning in his grasp - and in his very poverty he finds only advantage, because he rejoices in the Torah.