Chapter 11 of Mishlei is entirely devoted to contrasting two paths: the path of the upright and people of loving-kindness versus the path of the wicked and tyrants. In the present lesson, we will examine three verses at the heart of the chapter - "A gracious woman upholds honor," "A merciful man benefits his own soul," and "A wicked person produces deceitful labor" - and see how Rabbeinu Yonah, the Vilna Gaon, and the Malbim explain them, each from a distinct angle, yet all converging on one question: What does a person truly retain from all his toil?
אֵשֶׁת־חֵן תִּתְמֹךְ כָּבוֹד וְעָרִיצִים יִתְמְכוּ־עֹשֶׁר׃ (טז) - A gracious woman upholds honor, and tyrants uphold wealth. (16)
Rabbeinu Yonah explains that "tyrants" (aritzim) are those who cast their terror in the land of the living - an expression used by Chazal - meaning people who terrorize the public. They are heavy-handed bullies (gavrei alimei), men who inspire fear through brute force. And these, says the verse, "uphold wealth": they do not care to amass money dishonestly, for whoever holds the purse calls the shots. The more money they possess, the more people they can terrorize and dominate.
These individuals do not give charity or perform acts of loving-kindness; instead, they resort to robbery and extortion to multiply their fortunes. Why? Because through charity and kindness, one acquires honor from the public. Consider how many philanthropists donate and assist, and then advertise what they have done to garner public admiration - sometimes the advertising costs more than the donation itself. It is all for honor. The tyrant, however, does not value honor at all. He says: I do not need you to respect me; I need you to fear me. If you fear me, I have attained what I wanted. Therefore, he performs no kindness, but constantly seeks ways to amass more wealth in order to cast greater terror.
Regarding this, Rabbeinu Yonah notes that they are gravely mistaken. They believe that fear itself is honor, as though whoever fears them respects them. The opposite, however, is true: when people fear someone, behind his back they mock him, speak ill of him, and slander him, because they do not love him. In contrast, when someone is truly respected, people everywhere speak only well of him, for that is genuine honor. If someone holds a gun to my head, I have no choice and I tremble, but at the first opportunity I will kick him and spit at him. The man of kindness, however, who gives and bestows, earns true honor - not the illusory honor where people stand up out of fear, but because they genuinely revere him, seeing him as a person of stature and kindness who is beloved by all.
"A gracious woman" here is an allegory for a person who finds favor in the eyes of others: one who aids, assists, loves people, and gives to them. Through these deeds, such a person "upholds honor" - earning genuine respect. The tyrant, meanwhile, enriches himself at the public's expense through extortion, yet he will never attain honor, only hatred. And why does the verse specifically say "a gracious woman" (eshet chen) rather than "a gracious man"? Rabbeinu Yonah hints: if this tyrant has a wife who is gracious, who finds favor with people and wishes to support, help, and give, he refuses to grant her permission to do so, even from her own money and the toil of her hands. He is entirely unwilling. In his view, one must inspire terror, not distribute gifts and give generously.
The Vilna Gaon explains the verse literally, as referring to a wife. The Gemara teaches that a wife is a helpmate to a man - "I will make him a helpmate opposite him" - and Chazal ask: In what way does she help him? A man brings home wheat, but can he chew raw wheat? He brings home flax, but can he wear raw flax? And even today, even if one does not bring raw wheat but bread, and does not bring raw flax but finished clothing, one still brings home potatoes, flour, and other ingredients from which a wife prepares dishes, cakes, and pastries. This is the essence of "a helpmate opposite him": a man brings the raw materials, and the woman fashions excellent things from them. When a man has a gracious wife, "she upholds honor" - she accords him honor and assists him. The Gemara relates that one of the Amoraim used to call his garments "my honorers" (mechabdei), for where did garments come from? In those times, the wife would sew them. Thus, the wife brings her husband honor: through the food she prepares, the clothes she dresses him in, and all that she does on his behalf.
According to this approach, "and tyrants uphold wealth" does not refer to wicked people at all, but rather to vigorous, diligent servants and household members who execute their master's work with urgency. When a person has diligent workers and shrewd, active managers, they help him accumulate wealth. In other words: a gracious wife helps you achieve honor, properly and beautifully preparing whatever you bring into the home; whereas energetic workers ensure that you enjoy a bountiful livelihood and great wealth.
The Malbim explains that wealth and honor, when they are a gift from God, come together: whoever has wealth has honor, and whoever has honor has wealth. If a person uses the gift of wealth that Hashem gave him to perform acts of kindness, he possesses both wealth and honor - with his money he helped and gave, and everywhere he is honored. But when they come separately, honor on its own is a virtue - if you are truly worthy of honor due to your virtues and good deeds; whereas wealth on its own, if acquired unfairly through robbery and violence or used for evil, is harmful and base.
The Malbim depicts these two virtues, the virtue of wealth and the virtue of honor, as two qualities that require someone to support and uphold them. The verse says, "A gracious woman retains honor" - honor does not require mighty men to support it. It is not attained through tyrants and men of brute force; rather, a woman who acquires grace through her good deeds is sufficient to uphold honor. In short: honor has no need for a warrior; even a woman with gentle grace merits honor through her good deeds. In contrast, "and ruthless men retain riches" - one who uses his might unlawfully and unjustly to extort money is the one who upholds the power of wealth. "Ruthless" (aritzim) relates to crushing the poor, robbing the destitute to acquire gain. It turns out, then, that wealth that comes without honor is deeply suspect wealth, attained only by tyrants through their violent ways.
The Malbim adds that the verse can also be explained allegorically: the woman in Sefer Mishlei symbolizes the soul. "A gracious woman retains honor" - a precious and noble soul possesses honor in this world and in the World to Come. The tyrants, on the other hand - all that will remain for them is merely their money, and they will not merit honor.
גֹּמֵל נַפְשׁוֹ אִישׁ חָסֶד וְעֹכֵר שְׁאֵרוֹ אַכְזָרִי׃ (יז) - A merciful man does good to his own soul, but he who is cruel troubles his own flesh. (17)
Rabbeinu Yonah explains that a man of kindness accustoms his soul to good habits, noble character traits, and moderate conduct. The word gomel ("does good" or "weans/nourishes") is an expression of growth and rearing, as in "like a weaned child (kegamul) with his mother" - he nurtures his soul and causes its virtue and deeds to flourish. And how does one do kindness to the soul? When a person withholds desires from his soul, giving it only what is necessary for its sustenance and no more than it needs, and does not corrupt it - that is "one who nurtures his soul." He directs his soul's disposition to develop and elevate it by providing what is appropriate for it and nothing beyond that.
Conversely, "he who is cruel troubles his own flesh" - "his flesh" (she'ero) refers to man's body. One who afflicts his body, starving it and subjecting it to harsh mortifications, is called cruel, for he does evil to his soul just like a cruel person who harms others. For when the body is afflicted and broken down, the faculties of the soul deteriorate: when a person is emaciated and has not eaten for days, his soul also turns sour, and he ends up causing harm to his soul. It can also be interpreted in reverse: "he who troubles his own flesh" refers to one who corrupts his body by indulging it with all the pleasures of this world - and in doing so, he abuses and acts cruelly toward his soul.
Rabbeinu Yonah further explains that the verse may be speaking of the trait of miserliness. One who is good to his soul walks in the path of kindness, intending to let his soul benefit from the toil of his hands as needed: buying what he needs for himself, eating for his health - "a merciful man does good to his own soul." But one who is stingy with himself, saying "this is unnecessary, and that is too expensive," and through this his vitality is ruined - about him it is said: "cruel." Why are you being cruel to yourself?
And this does not refer to righteous individuals and exalted holy men who practiced self-affliction, which are sublime and lofty levels, but rather to an ordinary person, who needs to eat well, sleep well, and learn well. People of great stature are capable of minimizing sleep and banishing slumber from their eyes, minimizing eating and drinking, pleasure and laughter, and this only elevates and magnifies them. But an ordinary person who attempts to adopt all those practices should know that in all likelihood he will fall, and not just fall, but fall very low. He might hold out for a week, two months, a year, or two years, but when you put yourself under pressure that you are not built for and not on the level of, that spring will eventually snap and fling you far away. "He who is cruel troubles his own flesh" - you are being cruel to your soul, which is not yet on that level. One must ascend slowly, rung by rung, until reaching the level of the exalted holy ones, and not imagine that yesterday he was wicked and today he is already an absolute tzaddik. It does not work that way.
The Vilna Gaon explains: "A merciful man does good to his own soul" - one who does kindness with others does kindness to himself. First, when one does kindness to others, if, God forbid, he should ever find himself in need, others will do kindness with him. Second, with the Holy One, blessed be He, everything is recorded, and He will reward him according to his deeds. In contrast, "he who is cruel troubles his own flesh" - one who is cruel to others harms his own flesh, his own body, for others will likewise treat him with cruelty. When the moment comes that you need help and assistance, no one will have mercy on you, and everyone will act cruelly toward you.
The Vilna Gaon further explains: "A merciful man does good to his own soul" - a person whose every thought is focused on how to do kindness and perform mitzvos, even what he provides for his own soul is considered a mitzvah for him, because all his intentions are for the sake of Heaven. This concept is explained in the Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 231), that when a person benefits his body by sleeping well and eating well with an intention directed for the sake of Heaven - "I am eating so that I will have the strength to engage in Torah and pray; I am going to work to fulfill my obligation to feed and support my wife and children, and to educate my sons in Torah study" - any mundane action that is not inherently a mitzvah is reckoned as a mitzvah for him, because his intent was for the sake of Hashem.
It is related of the Vilna Gaon himself that he did not engage in fasts and self-mortification. Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin said of him that through his eating, the Vilna Gaon achieved profound spiritual rectifications, far greater than what others accomplish through their fasts and mortifications. Why? Because he was holy of holies, and pouring wine into the throats of Torah scholars is like pouring wine upon the Altar. Thus, his eating was akin to the consumption of the Altar, like an actual sacrifice. The same applies even to an ordinary person: if all his thoughts are directed toward how to perform acts of kindness and fulfill mitzvos, then even what he bestows upon his own soul - "I ate, I drank" - is accounted to him as an act of kindness and a mitzvah, and he receives reward for it.
"And a cruel person troubles his own flesh" - but someone whose every action for bodily pleasure is solely to satisfy his desires, not only is this not considered a mitzvah, but he actually troubles his own flesh. For when a person pursues physical desires, even in mundane and permissible matters, he instills additional lust within his body. As Scripture states, "Be not among heavy drinkers of wine, among gluttonous eaters of meat" - and even if the meat is glatt mehadrin kosher, through the very pursuit itself you have increased lust in your body and turned it into a lustful vessel. And what becomes of such a body after death? Chibut hakever (the tribulations of the grave): two ministering angels arrive, deepen the grave, and begin shaking it, and all this shaking is meant to purge the bodily desires. Thus, even someone who pursued permissible things but was drawn after them through his lust troubles his own flesh and harms his body, since this body will require chibut hakever to cleanse it of all that clung to it.
The Vilna Gaon further notes a precise nuance in the phrasing: On the positive side, it says ish chesed ("a man of kindness"), whereas on the negative side, it does not say ish achzari ("a cruel man"), but merely achzari ("a cruel person"). Ish chesed implies a master of kindness, one who possesses good intentions - and the Holy One, blessed is He, joins a good thought to deed. Even if he has not yet performed the act of kindness in practice, if he is a man of kindness in his thoughts, it is already counted to him as kindness and he receives reward for it. But regarding an evil thought, the text does not say "a cruel man," for one is not punished for an evil thought; rather, it refers only to one who is actively and genuinely cruel in practice. Therefore, concerning the cruel person, Scripture does not mention the word "man" (ish).
The Malbim explains that an ish chesed is a person whose constant nature is to perform kindness with everyone, without expecting any recompense or return, but purely for the sake of Heaven. Moreover, he does not even require an emotional stirring or an awakening of pity and compassion. There are people who are not men of kindness at all, but when they witness a heartbreaking situation that tugs at their emotional strings, they reach into their pocket and give charity. Is such a person an ish chesed? No. A true man of kindness does not need to be shaken and stirred before a few coins can be extracted from him; the moment he hears there is an opportunity to help, he takes from his pocket and comes forward to assist even with his own body. This is a person who is entirely kindness.
In contrast, "and a cruel person troubles his own flesh": Not only does the cruel person harm his spiritual soul, but do not think that he at least benefits his body. A person might eat excessively and say, "You practiced asceticism while I indulged; so who among us gained?" Scripture says to him: That is not so; through this cruelty, you are cruel to yourself as well, to your own kin and your own flesh, genuinely ruining your body. The same applies to one who is cruel to others: he seemingly imagines he has gained - "You gave two hundred shekels and I did not, so I end up with more materially." Scripture tells him: You are mistaken; you, too, are troubling your own flesh. You lose out physically and you lose out financially, for a cruel person will be treated with cruelty in return, and ultimately you will only suffer loss from it.
רָשָׁע עֹשֶׂה פְעֻלַּת־שָׁקֶר וְזֹרֵעַ צְדָקָה שֶׂכֶר אֱמֶת׃ (יח) - A wicked person earns deceptive wages, but one who sows righteousness has a true reward. (18)
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: The deed of the wicked person in this world is an exercise in futility, a fruitless labor. This is akin to what David said regarding the flocks of Naval the Carmelite: "Surely in vain have I guarded." Naval lashed out verbally at the young men David sent to ask him for a portion of the feast on his festive day, and was unwilling to give anything, even though David and his men had protected his flocks. Concerning this, David said, "Surely in vain have I guarded" - I expended my strength for nothing. Thus, "falsehood" (sheker) here means an empty labor: I worked and gained nothing from it.
And this is "a wicked person earns deceptive wages": Everything he amasses - money, profits, homes - is entirely for bodily pleasures and honor, and he ends up having toiled for a falsehood. For what will remain of you? The six-level villa you built and the state-of-the-art car you bought - in the end, everyone is taken away in a black Mercedes, and everyone will have a villa measuring four cubits beneath ten handbreadths of earth. And what have you accomplished? What have you actually acquired? Thus, all that you toiled and strove to amass and profit is an illusory labor, work without gain, "For upon his death he will take nothing; his glory will not descend after him."
The three verses we have learned together present a single, cohesive picture. "A gracious woman attains honor, and ruthless men attain wealth" - true honor is acquired through good deeds and grace, whereas the tyrant who amasses wealth through brute force attains fear rather than honor, and ultimately only hatred. "The merciful man does good to his own soul, but a cruel person troubles his own flesh" - genuine kindness begins with a proper approach to oneself: neither excessive asceticism that one cannot endure, nor miserliness that ruins the soul, nor the pursuit of desires that corrupts the body. Rather, it means providing the body with its necessary needs and maintaining an intention for the sake of Heaven that elevates even one's eating to the level of a sacrifice; and one who bestows kindness upon others thereby bestows kindness upon himself, while one who acts cruelly toward others ultimately harms himself. "A wicked person earns deceptive wages" - all the accumulation of wealth and illusory honor by the wicked is toil in vain, for upon his death he takes nothing with him. Honor, kindness, and charity are the only true reward that remains in a person's hands.