Introduction: The Concluding Chapter of Sefer Mishlei
Chapter 31 is the final chapter concluding the Book of Proverbs, and at its conclusion is the hymn familiar to all of us from Friday night - "Eshet Chayil." The opening of the chapter is a rebuke delivered by a mother to her son, the king, from which profound foundations emerge regarding the service of Hashem and the paths of chinuch.
Verse 1: Who Is Lemuel?
דִּבְרֵי לְמוּאֵל מֶלֶךְ מַשָּׂא אֲשֶׁר־יִסְּרַתּוּ אִמּוֹ׃ - The words of Lemuel, the king, the prophecy with which his mother rebuked him.
Here too, the dispute we saw regarding Agur ben Yakeh recurs: some explain that this refers to King Solomon, who gathered (agar) all wisdom, while others explain that this was a sage by that name. The Malbim explains that Lemuel was a king who ruled over a place called "Massa," and the text is not speaking of Solomon. In contrast, Rashi cites the words of Chazal that this is indeed King Solomon, who was called "Lemuel" - Lemo-El, meaning dedicated to the name of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as in "lemo fi" (to my mouth). According to this, the phrasing is: "The words of King Lemuel" - followed by "the burden with which his mother rebuked him," that is, the address and speech with which his mother admonished him. The homily of Chazal cited by Rashi is also precise according to the cantillation marks (trop): upon "divrei lemuel melech" there is an etnachta, a major pause, and upon "massa" there is a revia.
What Was the Rebuke?
Chazal relate: When Solomon married Pharaoh's daughter, it was on the very day of the dedication of the Beit HaMikdash. She brought him many kinds of musical instruments - a full ensemble of musicians - and he stayed awake all night rejoicing, and the next day slept until the fourth hour of the day, which corresponds to roughly ten in the morning. And it is stated in the Pesikta that the keys to the Beit HaMikdash were under his pillow, and when they wished to open the Beit HaMikdash, they could not, because the keys were beneath his head. Regarding that hour, we learned: "regarding the morning tamid offering, that it was offered at four hours" - instead of the tamid being brought early in the morning, it was brought late. His mother entered and rebuked him for this act, and Chazal say she took her sandal and struck him with it. This is "the burden with which his mother rebuked him."
The Ibn Ezra also explains that Lemuel is Solomon. This is noteworthy, as the Ibn Ezra was a quintessential literal commentator (pashtan), yet here he inclines toward a midrashic interpretation. And why was Solomon called "Lemuel"? Because in his days they had one God (El) and did not worship idols. Indeed, after Solomon's passing, in the days of Rehoboam and Jeroboam, the kingdom split, and Jeroboam instituted idolatry. From that point began a period of intensive idol worship in the northern kingdom of Samaria until the bitter exile, until the Ten Tribes were lost to us. But during the era of Solomon, everyone had a single heart toward Hashem, turning solely toward God, and they had no other deity whom they served. And this is the concept of the name "Immanuel" - that we have no other, but only God is with us.
Verse 2: The Three Virtues of a Son
מַה־בְּרִי וּמַה־בַּר־בִּטְנִי וּמֶה בַּר־נְדָרָי׃ - What, my son? And what, the son of my womb? And what, the son of my vows?
Rashi explains: His mother, Batsheva, said to him: What have you done, making it apparent that you are my son and not your father's son? That is, by your conduct everyone will attribute your flaws to me rather than to your father, for everyone knows that your father was a complete tzaddik, and if you act wickedly, people will say, "His mother caused it" - look at what his mother brought upon him; because of her, such a son emerged. "And what, the son of my womb?" - All of your father's wives, once they conceived, did not engage in marital relations, but I exerted myself and went in so that I would have a refined and vigorous child, for throughout the final six months of pregnancy marital relations are beneficial for the fetus. "And what, the son of my vows?" - All of your father's wives would vow that they should have a son worthy of kingship, making vows to bring sacrifices and donations, whereas I vowed that I would have a son deeply refined in Torah - "meluban" in the sense of clarifying and purifying a matter, that he be distinguished and refined in Torah. And by way of allusion (remez), one may say that "meluban" means well-versed in miracles (melumad benissim).
The Ralbag explains "the son of my vows" - that out of my immense love for you, all of my oaths were sworn by you, like a person who loves his friend or his child and says, "I swear to you by my son," "I swear to you by my parents." Another explanation: that my vows to Hashem were always for your sake; and this is also Rashi's view, that all the vows she made were on his behalf - that he grow up to be great, that he be God-fearing and a talmid chacham: all the vows I made were for the sake of your success.
The Superiority of Batsheva over David's Other Wives
Rabbenu Yonah in Iggeret HaTeshuvah elaborates on this matter. David had many wives - eighteen: six initially, and 'as many and as many again,' another six and another six - and during their pregnancies, they would make vows and pray that their sons would be valiant warriors and of consummate beauty. We have before us an extremely challenging contest: which of all the sons of all the wives will merit kingship and reach the finish line? Therefore, all of them prayed to have a son fit for royalty, mighty and handsome, so that their son would be chosen. But Batsheva said: 'For I am not like the other wives of my husband the king; rather, all my vows while I was pregnant were so that I might merit for my son to be wise in Torah, God-fearing, and fit for prophecy.' Kingship did not interest her at all; the main thing was that he be a righteous son, God-fearing and worthy of prophecy. 'And Hashem heard my voice, and Shlomo my son became wiser than all men' - what I asked for, He gave me, 'and also that which I did not ask for Hashem blessed be He gave me, for Shlomo my son reigned after his father.' Whereas regarding the sons of the other wives, whose mothers prayed for them to attain royalty, this was not the case for them, because they made kingship primary, while Batsheva made the service of Hashem primary. And this is what she meant: 'What, my son? And what, the son of my womb? And what, the son of my vows?'
From here we derive the rule: one who pursues spirituality, the Holy One, blessed be He, gives him everything; but one who seeks materiality - even that will not always be given to him.
Shlomo Inherited This Path: "An Understanding Heart"
Shlomo also inherited this orientation. When the Holy One, blessed be He, said to him, "Ask what I shall give you," Shlomo asked neither for wealth, nor for might, nor for long life, but rather "to give Your servant an understanding heart" - wisdom alone. The Holy One, blessed be He, said to him: Since you asked for what is essential, which is wisdom in Torah, you will naturally receive everything. And as the Rambam writes, all other wisdoms and auxiliary disciplines are merely "perfumers and cooks" to the Torah - the spices. In a palace, no one thinks the kitchen is the central royal hall; it occupies a small space and is not the magnificent chamber. The Torah is the palace, and the secular wisdoms are merely perfumers and cooks.
The Maggid of Dubno offered a parable: A man came to a shop and saw people buying rolls of fabric. One customer bought a large quantity, and the shopkeeper took out long, sturdy ropes and gave them to him to tie the merchandise to his wagon. The bystander asked him, "How much do you charge for the ropes?" He replied, "Nothing, rope is free." The man said, "If so, measure out thirty meters of rope for me." The shopkeeper measured it out and said, "That will be one hundred shekels." The man exclaimed, "But you said rope is free!" He replied, "Rope is free for someone who buys merchandise, but someone who comes just to take rope - for that, one must pay." This is the difference between Torah and other disciplines of wisdom: one who acquires Torah merits the other wisdoms for free; the perfumers and cooks are given to him as a bonus, as we find with the Rambam and other great sages who attained other wisdoms from within the Torah. But one who seeks only secular wisdoms will remain empty of Torah.
We hardly ever find doctors or professors who are great Torah scholars and authoritative halachic decisors in Israel. Their Torah, even if they studied, is Torah in an academic, research style: investigations into how people dressed during the Talmudic era, what they ate back then, what types of legumes they consumed. Is this why one studies Gemara? A person approaches the Torah and searches for the kitchen. There are diamonds here - why is he preoccupied with the packaging? With Shlomo, we see that he merited everything because he focused on the diamonds; he asked for what is central, and consequently, everything else was granted to him for free.
The Malbim's Explanation: "Bar" as "Selected" or "Refined"
The Malbim explains differently from the other commentators. "What, my bar" - you are the most selected and refined of all my sons, by virtue of three qualities found in you. Bar here is not in the sense of "son," but from the root of mevorar (selected, clarified, or pure), for we never find bar meaning "son" in biblical Hebrew. Rather, bar always means clear and refined, as in "pure (barah) as the sun" (Shir HaShirim 6:10) - comely and clear as the sun; and as in "Pay homage to the select one (nashku var), lest He become angry and you perish in the way" (Tehillim 2:12). Nashku is an expression of attachment and joining, like one who touches lips, and the intent is: attach yourselves to King Mashiach, the refined and chosen leader. This is also related to bar, grain separated and winnowed from chaff and husks - the select harvest. And if you do not do so, Hashem's wrath will flare, and even if His anger flares but a little, you will perish in the way.
These are the three qualities: First, "Bari" (my selected one) - you are chosen and refined above all my sons through the study and upbringing I invested in you, more than in any of my other children. Second, "Bar bitni" (selected of my womb) - you are refined by nature from birth, from the womb and pregnancy, possessing the unique qualities of kingship. Let us not forget: Shlomo began reigning at the age of twelve. Today, at age twelve, a child is still trying to solve a Rubik's Cube and playing Pokémon, while here, at twelve years old, is a reigning king whom the Holy One, blessed be He, grants prophecy, and who builds the Beit HaMikdash! Third, "Bar nedarai" (selected of my vows) - I made great vows to God on your behalf, since you were refined and chosen already from before conception through vows and prayer, during pregnancy - "from the womb of the dawn" - and after birth through education and Torah study. Thus, in all three stages - before conception, during pregnancy, and after birth during upbringing - there is no one like you in all these qualities.
Verse 3: Do Not Give Your Strength to Women
אַל־תִּתֵּן לַנָּשִׁים חֵילֶךָ וּדְרָכֶיךָ לַמְחוֹת מְלָכִין׃ - Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
After enumerating all these virtues, comes the grave claim against him for doing something contrary to the way of Hashem. "Do not give your strength to women" - Rashi explains: do not deplete your vitality for women. The accusation against Shlomo was for marrying Pharaoh's daughter, and it was the gravest accusation: "And King Shlomo loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh" - the daughter of Pharaoh was the primary one whom he loved above all, and of his wives it is said that they turned his heart away. On the night of his marriage to Pharaoh's daughter, they delayed opening the Beis HaMikdash the next morning; on that same night, Gavriel descended and planted a reed in the sea, a sandbank formed around it, and upon it the metropolis of Rome was built. As explained in the lessons on the Prophets, this does not mean that the city of Rome was physically built immediately after this event, for Rome is older; rather, this is where the prosecution began that eventually led to Rome destroying the Beis HaMikdash. This was ground zero, the initial planting of the reed from which the sands began to pile into a great hill.
And why is this called "giving your strength to women"? One well-known reason is that cohabitation weakens a man's physical vitality. The Metzudas David adds that it also invigorates the female - as if he imparts his strength to her, and she becomes strengthened. "Nor your ways to that which destroys kings [limchot melachin]" - do not let your ways erase and corrupt the conduct of kings; do not alter the conduct befitting kings, whose way is to be cautious and not to pursue desires and thrills, but rather let your conduct be dignified. The Malbim explains "limchot melachin" - that which causes kings to be blotted out from their genealogical record: let not your ways cause you to be wiped from the royal chronicle and remembered as an improper king, a king who corrupted his deeds.
The Ralbag: Strength Is Meant for Wisdom
The Ralbag, in his characteristic approach, directs this toward the wisdom of the Torah: Hashem gave man strength so that he might utilize it for the study of Torah and contemplation of wisdom, "for excessive involvement with women will remove a person from diligence in wisdom, and his heart will constantly stray after them." How true this is. One cannot find a person great in Torah, or even someone who attained great insights in the natural sciences, whose involvement was largely with women. For in order for a person to invest his time in research, in-depth study, and intellectual pursuit, he cannot be a pursuer of entertainment and lusts, since all his strength, time, energy, and vitality are invested in study. If you were told that Einstein was a womanizer, you would find it hard to believe, for that does not fit a person whose entire focus is research. All the more so with Torah, where these matters are entirely antithetical. And "to destroy kings [limchot melachin]" according to his approach: engaging in this erases the counsels and thoughts of one who wishes to reach deep inquiry into Torah and contemplation of intellectual truths, causing him to divert his attention from them.
The Way to Overcome: Filling the Heart with Torah
The Rambam states that thoughts of immorality prevail only in a heart void of wisdom. For a person to engage in such matters, his heart must be empty of wisdom; but one whose heart is filled with wisdom, with Torah study, with intellectual pursuits, and with thoughts on the inner depth of Torah - his mind is not free to engage in vanity. As noted many times, the proper way is that the more one immerses himself in Torah, the more "a little bit of light dispels much darkness." The way to overcome illicit desires is not by battling them directly, but by filling oneself with Torah, thereby driving away the darkness of lust and physical indulgence.
Immorality and Torah are polar opposites. When a person is engaged in Torah, it stands in direct contrast to forbidden desires and physical lusts. Chazal, as well as the Zohar, teach that when the Men of the Great Assembly neutralized the yetzer hara for illicit relations - and today, as the Gemara says, they left it only regarding other women and not close relatives, meaning they weakened it and blinded its eyes, but initially they abolished it completely - the Gemara relates that they could not find even a fresh hen's egg, and they realized that this drive is necessary for the world's survival. Otherwise, why would two rational people ever marry? The matter must reside in the emotional realm rather than the purely rational, and it serves as the catalyst that prompts a person to build a home. In contrast, arousal toward close relatives certainly serves no purpose in building a home, which is why the Sages abolished it.
And the holy Zohar says: from the moment they neutralized the yetzer hara for illicit relations, the *chedvata deshemata* - the joy, enthusiasm, and passion a person experiences in Torah - was diminished. The joy of study stands directly opposite the thrill of forbidden desires: one who possesses *chedvata deshemata* certainly does not occupy his mind with forbidden thrills, and one whose mind is consumed with forbidden pleasures certainly removes himself from the joy of Torah learning. Therefore, the way to escape the allure of forbidden desires is not to seek pleasure and joy in base things, but rather to find pleasure and joy in Torah study: when a person studies something and derives immense satisfaction, the concepts connect, the idea he heard is magnificent and builds a renewed understanding within him - only such profound joy has the power to extract a person from the lure of physical lust.
In summary:
The opening of chapter 31 is the mother's rebuke to the king: according to the Malbim, Lemuel was the king of the place called Massa, while according to Chazal, Rashi, and the Ibn Ezra, this is Shlomo, whose mother rebuked him for the night of his marriage to Pharaoh's daughter and the resulting delay of the morning Tamid offering. "What, my son? And what, the son of my womb? And what, the son of my vows?" - according to Rashi and Rabbeinu Yonah, Batsheva reminds him that she vowed that Shlomo would be wise in Torah and fearful of sin, and did not ask for royalty, and therefore merited even what she had not requested; and according to the Malbim, "bar" is from the root *mevorar* (clarified/refined), representing three levels of refinement: before conception through vows and prayer, during pregnancy, and after birth through upbringing and instruction. From her, Shlomo inherited the approach of asking only for "an understanding heart," and receiving everything else as a consequence, just as the Torah is the royal palace and all other disciplines are merely perfumers and cooks. Hence the warning, "Do not give your strength to women": that one should not deplete his vitality nor corrupt the conduct of kings, for excessive involvement in this removes a person from diligence in wisdom - and the way to overcome is not through direct confrontation, but by filling the heart with Torah, for *chedvata deshemata* is what dispels the allure of physical lust.