In this lesson, we focus on two central verses in Chapter 25: "Do not glorify yourself before a king, and do not stand in the place of the great," followed by: "For it is better that it be said to you, 'Come up here.'" Two verses whose entire theme is practical humility: where a person places himself, how he conducts himself in the presence of those greater than he, and what is gained by one who knows how to sit in a place lower than his stature. We will examine the commentaries of the Vilna Gaon and the Malbim, and learn from this both about a person's relationship with his rebbe and about the relationship between husband and wife.
This principle begins at home. Suddenly she agrees, or suddenly he agrees: "You know what? You're right. Maybe we should do as you say." How much wisdom is required of a man, and also of a woman, so that even if in truth she is an "itteta rabbeta" (a woman of great stature), and even when the reality reflects the Talmudic adage "step down a rung to take a wife" - she does not give her husband that feeling. This is true life wisdom.
Rav Chaim Kanievsky once said that there are only two circumstances under which a couple should be instructed to divorce. The first: when the parents intervene in such an extreme manner that it is impossible to live. Usually, he would advise the couple to move far away, even abroad; but if the mother-in-law reaches them directly, or by email, or in any other way, and there is no remedy - then there is no choice. And the second reason: when a wife has no respect for her husband, when she despises him, dismisses his words, and considers him worthless. In such a situation, he said, she will not suddenly start respecting him tomorrow or holding him in high regard; if things have reached that point, there is usually not much to be done.
From here we see the importance of the matter: "And do not stand in the place of the great" - be yielding to a superior; one should humble oneself, meaning conduct oneself with modesty before one who is a leader and master.
אַל תִּתְהַדַּר לִפְנֵי מֶלֶךְ וּבִמְקוֹם גְּדֹלִים אַל תַּעֲמֹד׃ (כה, ו) - Do not glorify yourself before a king, and do not stand in the place of the great. (25:6)
The Vilna Gaon explains this verse in an approach that he continues in the following verse: when you come to learn from a sage, do not present your own novellae and Torah before him; rather, always seek to receive Torah from him. As it says earlier, "Wisdom is with the modest," and as Chazal said: "A word is worth a sela, silence is worth two."
How true these words are. Sometimes a person comes to ask a rabbi a question, but in reality, he came to teach him. He opens with a question, and immediately: "No, but Rabbi, it's like this, and here it ought to be that way..." And so it is in shiurim: someone arrives not to listen to a shiur, but to teach everyone else. At a certain point, he stops addressing the rabbi altogether and starts speaking to the audience - after all, he came for their sake, while the rabbi supposedly does not know, so he must educate them. At times, this becomes an extraordinary disturbance.
And if you believe that this rabbi has nothing to offer you - go somewhere else. You might be right; perhaps you already know everything he knows. Who said you have to be here? At a certain point, the Vilna Gaon stopped attending cheder because he already knew more than his teacher; his father also taught him up to a certain stage, and from then on he learned on his own - and who could have taught him? So you might be right, and if so, this shiur is not for you. Why attend a shiur where you feel the need to teach the sage? Go to a shiur where you have something to gain, where you can listen and receive.
And as we have already said: if you are invited to speak but also have the opportunity to listen, prefer listening over speaking. As a certain wise man said: when I speak, I repeat things I already know; when someone else speaks, I learn new things. We find this similarly regarding Moshe Rabbeinu: "Moshe heard, and it pleased him." The Chassidic masters explain: until now Moshe was speaking, but this once he listened - and it pleased him, he was delighted. It is pleasant to listen; one learns new things. Why talk all the time? "And it pleased him" - he found it delightful to listen for once.
Therefore, if you are studying under a Rav - do not come to deliver Torah to him, come to receive Torah from him. "A word is worth a sela, silence is worth two."
The Gra continues along the same line: "And do not stand in the place of great men" - in a place where great men stand, do not stand there. If the Rav from whom you come to learn is too far above you, meaning he is "too advanced for you", do not stand before him; go to another Rav who is not as intellectually sharp as he is, and from whom you are able to receive Torah.
And so we find regarding Rabbi Meir, who initially studied under Rabbi Akiva, and would sit in the shiur without understanding. This is Rabbi Meir, whose peers could not reach the depth of his mind - see what a profound thinker he was, yet at the beginning of his studies he was unable to understand Rabbi Akiva. He went and studied under Rabbi Yishmael, and after gaining wisdom he returned to Rabbi Akiva, saying: Now I am beginning to understand Rabbi Akiva; now I am beginning to grasp what he is talking about.
This is a common mistake among young men: they want to study in a particular yeshivah, to hear shiurim from a particular Rav - but this Rav is far beyond their level, and they do not understand what he is saying at all. For what? So that twenty years from now I can say that I heard shiurim from so-and-so? Someone once said: I learned in such-and-such yeshivah. They asked him: Tell me, did you learn there, or did you merely stay there? These are two completely different things. Sometimes a person imagines that he is learning in a certain place, but he does not truly grasp the material, he is not truly in sync with it, and he is not at the appropriate level. Often it is better to go to a scholar of lesser stature, whom you can absorb and understand, than to go to an exalted sage whose words you cannot fathom.
The Malbim explains: "Do not glorify yourself before a king" - do not display any grandeur before the king, for in the presence of the king your honor is nothing; it has no significance and no name. And if you conduct yourself with any authority beside the king, it is an affront to the king's honor, because when you display prominence, you are essentially saying, "I am also something," as if to say: Excuse me, your majesty, move aside a bit, now I am taking up space.
And we have already seen that Uriah the Hittite was punished for this when he said, "and my master Yoav" - your master is Yoav?! But you are speaking with David! When you are with David, you have no other masters, only the king. How can you suddenly attribute authority to someone else? It turns out that glorifying yourself before the king demeans and belittles the king's honor.
In contrast to this, King David said, "And I will celebrate before Hashem," and he leapt and danced like a commoner before Hashem. Before Hashem shall I act with authority? Before Hashem shall I act with greatness? On the contrary, before Hashem I am a commoner.
Likewise, "and do not stand in the place of great men" - rather, stand in a place that is lower than your level, and not in a higher place. And see how contrary this is to human nature: if my level is fifty, and there is no fifty - there is only sixty or forty - where will we find ourselves? At sixty, always. The first thing we do is look for the higher spot. But the pasuk tells you: No, my friend, do not stand in the place of great men. Stand in a place that is lower than your level.
כִּי טוֹב אֲמָר לְךָ עֲלֵה הֵנָּה מֵהַשְׁפִּילְךָ לִפְנֵי נָדִיב אֲשֶׁר רָאוּ עֵינֶיךָ׃ (כה, ז) - For it is better that it be said to you, "Come up here," than that you be demoted before a prince whom your eyes have seen. (25:7)
In its plain sense, the Malbim explains: If you stand in a lowly place, what will they say to you? "Come up here" - wait, so-and-so, where are you sitting? Come, step up here. And it will be an honor for you. But if you stand in the place of the great - they will humble you.
And how common this is. A person arrives at a simchah wearing a frock coat, and naturally heads straight for the dais. He is still young, and there are more prominent people there, but he is wearing a frock coat, which is distinguished attire. And what happens? Suddenly the chassan's Rosh Yeshivah arrives, and suddenly the chassan's father arrives, and suddenly the kallah's rav arrives, and then the father is forced to come over to you and say: "Pardon me, could your honor move a bit to the right? A bit to the left?" And with all the shifting right and left, you find yourself falling off the dais. Why bring this embarrassment upon yourself? Wouldn't it be better to sit in a lowly spot, like any ordinary person, on a chair at a regular table? Then the father of the groom or the father of the bride will come over and say: "Rabbi So-and-so, what are you doing here? Come, sit up here." Indeed, "Better that it be said to you: 'Come up here'" - far better that they raise you up than bring you down and say to you: "Pardon me, please move aside, someone more distinguished has just arrived."
At first glance, the conclusion of the verse seems entirely detached: What does "whom your eyes have seen" mean? We can offer several explanations. Rashi explains: What I am telling you, your own eyes have witnessed; you can testify with your own eyes that this is true.
The Malbim explains: What I told you - that if you stand in a lowly place they will tell you "Come up here" and you will gain honor, whereas if you stand in the place of the great they will humble you before a nobleman whom your eyes have seen, whom you assumed you were equal in stature to - that will be a disgrace for you. In other words, it is not worth being humiliated in the presence of a nobleman whom your eyes fancied yourself equal to. You look at him as though he and I are the same, I am just like him - and regarding this it is said: Do not stand there before a nobleman "whom your eyes have seen," imagining you are on his level.
The Malbim adds further: On the contrary, by humbling yourself before a nobleman, that itself will cause them to say to you "Come up." Why? Because through this they will recognize that "your eyes have seen." They will say: Look, this person possesses derech eretz; he has good vision and understands how to read a room. He sees that the places here are crowded, and he goes and sits below before suffering humiliation. Consequently, they say: This man is worthy of honor, for we see that his perception is accurate, his perspective is sound, and he is not simply chasing honor. As our Sages said: "Your lowering is your elevation." A person's self-effacement is precisely what raises him up. Conversely, one who aims to elevate himself and demands everyone's respect usually finds that not only do people not honor him, but they actually mock him.
We have recounted here the story of the Chafetz Chaim, regarding an elderly man who used to visit the yeshivah in Radin from time to time to discuss Torah with the students. He possessed some book knowledge, but he loved to stand out and showcase himself and his wisdom. Students love people like that - to laugh at them and mock them for their lack of tact and their pursuit of prestige. Sensing that he was being ridiculed, he turned to the Chafetz Chaim and said: "Rebbe, I do not understand. Why do people honor the Rav so greatly, while the students mock and belittle me?" The Chafetz Chaim replied: "It is written that whoever flees from honor, honor pursues him; and whoever pursues honor, honor flees from him. Perhaps because I flee from honor, honor pursues me; and perhaps your honor ought to examine his own deeds."
The man took the hint and began to flee from honor. After some time, he returned to the Chafetz Chaim and said: "Rebbe, I have been fleeing from honor for a while now, and it is not working - no one is giving chase; honor is not pursuing me." The Chafetz Chaim said to him: "I will tell you the truth. The nature of honor is this: when it sees someone running away, it begins to pursue him. But when it sees the runner looking back over his shoulder, it stops chasing. You are fleeing from honor, but you keep glancing back to see if it has started chasing you yet, if honor is already on its way - and honor sees this and instantly retreats. You must flee without looking back, without glancing over your shoulder - and only then will it pursue you."
In other words, flee genuinely, not in order to receive honor. There are those who act humbly so that people will honor them for their humility as well - not just for their greatness and wisdom, but so that everyone knows how humble they are; in case they didn't know, now they will. Regarding this, the verse says: It is better to lower yourself before a nobleman so that they tell you "Come up here," because they will see that you possess the virtuous trait of humility, for your lowering is your elevation.
The Vilna Gaon explains this verse in conjunction with the previous one. We said: Do not glorify yourself before a king - do not exalt yourself before a talmid chacham from whom you come to learn, and do not come to teach him. If you are not worthy and not yet on that level, go and learn from someone beneath him, and only afterward, when you are worthy, go learn from this sage. "Do not stand in the place of the great" - unless you are truly worthy to learn from him.
"For it is better that it be said to you, 'Come up here'" - when you learn from a rebbe whom you understand and you grow in Torah, then they will say to you: Come up here, you are already capable of learning under Rabbi Akiva, why remain with Rabbi Yishmael? They themselves will elevate you. But when you try to jump to a level several sizes too big for you - that is a downfall for you.
"Than that you be degraded before a noble" - if you insist on staying with the wiser rebbe and say, "I will push myself, I will try hard, I will learn specifically from him," what will happen? You will be humiliated, and you will also lose what you initially learned, "before a noble whom your eyes saw." Initially you learned from someone within your grasp, from whom you could receive; but now, after jumping several levels up, you will forget even the Torah of that noble who was at your level. Is it not preferable to learn first from someone you can understand, and later, when the time comes, they will elevate you to a greater sage?
And why is he called a "noble" (nadiv)? The Vilna Gaon explains: because he is lesser than a king, not as sharp as he is. The king is, as it were, the sharpest mind, while the noble is generous-spirited, but not as sharp as the king. Therefore, "Do not glorify yourself before a king" - do not go to learn before the great sage who is like a king; rather, be content with the noble, and afterward they will say to you, "Come up here."
Another explanation: it is well known that in their time, when people sat before a sage, there was a very clear hierarchy. The wiser a person was, the closer he was seated to the lecturing rebbe, and the newer and less knowledgeable he was, the further away he would sit; and so, step by step, people would move closer according to their stature and wisdom.
Concerning this it was said: It is good that they should say to you, "Come up here." That is to say, when you are starting out - go and sit in the back. Do not say, "Actually, I understand, I can sit right here." On the contrary, sit in the back; and when they hear the questions you ask and see the insights you raise, and realize that you truly comprehend the matter - then they will tell you: Come, move up, you can sit in front, why are you sitting in the back? This is far better than coming in and sitting in front, only for them to tell you: So-and-so, perhaps your honor should move to the back rows. That is a humiliation, for you are not at that level and you leaped into a place that is not appropriate for you. It is therefore better this way than that they humiliate you before a noble and you lose even the things "which your eyes saw," even what you learned on your own. It is far better to ascend the steps gradually.
These two pesukim teach a single fundamental principle: a person must place himself at a level lower than his actual stature, rather than seeking the highest place. Before the king, a person's honor has no meaning, and any grandeur he assumes for himself is an affront to the king - just as David "danced before Hashem" like a commoner. In Torah, this is all the more true: one who comes to learn from a sage must come to receive, not to teach; and if the rebbe is too advanced for him, he should first learn from someone he is capable of understanding, like Rabbi Meir, who learned under Rabbi Yishmael until he grew in wisdom and returned to Rabbi Akiva. "For it is better that it be said to you, 'Come up here'" - it is better that they elevate you than that they demote you; and in the words of the Chafetz Chaim, one who truly flees from honor without glancing back will find honor pursuing him, for your lowering is your elevation.