We are beginning Chapter 23 of Mishlei. Following several requests to pick up the pace of our study, we will focus from here onward primarily on the commentaries of Rabbeinu Yonah and the Malbim. Anyone wishing to supplement with the other commentators - including the commentary of the Vilna Gaon - can look them up directly in the text. Until now we have progressed at a very measured pace, so from now on we will endeavor to move forward more briskly. The first three pesukim of the chapter are interconnected, dealing with a person who sits down to dine at the table of a ruler - and ultimately, as we will see in the Malbim, with the feast hosted by the true ruler within man himself.
כִּי־תֵשֵׁב לִלְחוֹם אֶת־מוֹשֵׁל בִּין תָּבִין אֶת־אֲשֶׁר לְפָנֶיךָ׃ - When you sit down to dine with a ruler, consider well who is before you.
Rashi explains: "Lilchom" - to eat bread; "et moshel" - with the host of the feast, who is the ruler over his banquet. "Consider well who is before you" - observe carefully: Is he offering food to you whole-heartedly, with genuine desire and goodwill? Then eat. But if not - do not eat. Observe whether he has a begrudging eye (an ayin ra'ah) or a generous eye (an ayin tovah). Later in the chapter we will see more regarding the proper conduct when dealing with someone who has a begrudging eye.
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: If you are among those dining at the king's table, "consider well what is before you" (asher lefanecha) means: learn from those who were before you (taking et as min, "from", as in the phrase "when I go out of the city" - ketzeisi et ha'ir). What should you understand from those who came before you? Inquire and investigate among the king's servants and courtiers, to learn how they found favor and how a servant pleases his master. There are servants who are no longer there, individuals whom the ruler banished, and others whom he promoted and favored. Discern the secret: what matters to the ruler, what does he love, and what does he abhor - and through this, guard yourself against any conduct that displeases the king.
This advice is stated here regarding a ruler, but it is general counsel for life. You were hired at a workplace; they fired your predecessor and took you on - start doing some research: Who is the boss? What kind of person is he? What can he not stand? Why was your predecessor fired, and what does he truly value? "Consider well what was before you" - understand what behavior is expected. But if you fail to conduct this simple, elementary check, you will repeat the very same mistakes of your predecessor, and you will find the very same way out he did - the door.
Rabbeinu Yonah further explains: When you sit before the ruler, know your proper place. Reflect and determine where you belong. Sometimes a person arrives at an event and sits where he should not: he ought to have sat at the back tables, but instead he walked up and took a seat right in front - and then someone has to come and whisper in his ear that he took someone else's place, and that the front rows are reserved for the inner circle and high-ranking officials. Therefore, "consider well who is before you": do not attempt to wedge yourself into a spot that is not yours.
This too is advice for every area of life. Who is wise? One who knows his place. Do not push your way into spaces where you do not belong. Do not linger by a group of people having a private conversation, only to have them awkwardly ask you to step aside, or to watch them abruptly change the subject while you walk away embarrassed. A person must have the sense to know where he belongs and where he does not, what is his place and what is not, and conduct himself accordingly.
This also applies to chinuch. There are situations where you tell someone: Yes, apply, push forward, make the effort, and Hashem will help. But there are other places where you must tell him: This is simply not suitable for you; this institution is meant for an entirely different community. This is not said, Heaven forbid, in a derogatory or dismissive way, but as an application of "consider well what is before you" - know your place. You could drag the child through entrance exams, wait for a delayed response that turns out to be negative - and why put yourself through all that? Look and consider: Does this place belong to me? Does it fit me? Even if I were to send my child there, every few days complaints would arise because the lifestyle of my home does not match that of the other families, and there would be issues about him discussing things the other children are unfamiliar with. This is lifelong advice: Know your place, and act accordingly.
The Malbim explains: When you sit down to dine with a ruler, "consider well what is before you" - be careful with his honor and your awe of him. For when a person sits with a ruler, the immediate feeling is one of camaraderie: he invited me, we sat together, cracked jokes, I even made a sharp quip at his expense. Not so! You are sitting with a ruler, and therefore - understand what is before you. Do not be misled by the fact that he invited you and you are eating at his table, as if he is now on your level and you can act with unrestrained familiarity. Understand who is before you, and do not forget the fear and honor due to the ruler, lest you forfeit your life.
וְשַׂמְתָּ שַׂכִּין בְּלֹעֶךָ אִם־בַּעַל נֶפֶשׁ אָתָּה׃ - And put a knife to your throat if you are a person of appetite.
This verse, according to all opinions, is a continuation of the previous verse, and therefore the commentaries on it correspond to the explanations there. According to Rashi, who explained that one must observe whether the host is stingy or not, and one should not eat before knowing that he is truly generous toward you - if you see that he is not as generous as you thought, "and put a knife to your throat": stick a knife into your jaws. Ralbag notes that the word sechin is written with a shin, and explains that it relates to thorns (sechim): thrust thorns into your jaws, and do not eat of his food if you see that he is stingy.
"If you are a person of appetite" (ba'al nefesh) - meaning, even if you are a person of great appetite. A ba'al nefesh is someone with a wide soul, a person of desire. Even if you are a great glutton, you arrived ravenous, you have not eaten for two days - if you see that he does not give cheerfully and is begrudging, it is better for you to thrust a knife into your throat than to eat of his delicacies. Metzudat David explains the opposite: "If you are a ba'al nefesh" - if you possess an intellective soul and grasp the situation, you will understand that even if you are hungry and he offered food to you, it is better for you to thrust a knife into your throat than to eat the food of such a person.
Rashi also cites a derashah of Chazal: If a person knows that his master can provide an answer to anything he asks - let him examine carefully and ask about his tradition; but if not - let him remain silent. "When you sit down to dine with a ruler" - you are sitting with a Torah scholar, with your rebbe; "consider well what is before you" - discern the extent of his knowledge and his mastery over the subject. If you see that in a certain area he is not thoroughly versed, that he mentioned it only in passing, or that today he did not come fully prepared for the shiur - "and put a knife to your throat." Do not badger him, do not raise difficulties, and do not press him; it is better for you to remain silent and not place him in an embarrassing position.
The Gemara relates that sages would stand and pray: "May the Merciful One save us from the humiliation of Shimi" - deliver me from the humiliations of that sage, who would pose difficult questions to the Rav during the shiur until the Rav was left helpless and suffered kisufa, great shame. The Gemara even brings an account of another sage who prayed, and those individuals were harmed, may Hashem protect us. We find, then, that great wisdom is required to discern whether the sage knows the answer; and if you realize that he does not know, it is better not to press or badger him, so as not to put him in an awkward and painful situation.
It is told of the Maharil Bloch, a disciple of Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, that when he was a young man, one of the great Torah leaders arrived in his town. Signs were hung saying "Blessed is He who frees the bound" and "Welcome in peace," announcing that he would deliver a shiur. He arrived at the shiur, the Rav began to teach, and he challenged him with a question. The Rav attempted to resolve it - and he refuted him from another source. The Rav attempted to answer that as well - and he raised a difficulty from a third source. In short, he put him in a very embarrassing situation, and when the Rav had nothing left to answer, he murmured feebly: We may already say, "Blessed is your departure in peace." A terrible humiliation. It is told that he later deeply regretted this, and they say that he never had children, may Hashem protect us - on account of this matter of causing distress to a Talmid Chacham and wounding a person. From this we learn that a person must recognize the reality: if you know your teacher has an answer - ask and challenge; but if you know he does not have an answer - do not put him in a position that will cause him disgrace and discomfort.
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: "And put a knife to your throat if you are a person of appetite" - if many dishes and delicacies are set before you, do not gorge yourself on them, lest you ruin and destroy the power of the stomach. It is well known that the Rambam states that the primary cause of all illnesses is a person who overfills his stomach, and this is worse than someone who eats spoiled food. A person might eat wholesome food, but he does not stop until the fuel warning light is flashing and the alarm sounds - there is simply no more room. There was once a person who took part in an eating contest; he ate and ate, until only one small carrot remained. They said to him: "Go ahead, eat that too!" He told them: "I have no room left; for that carrot, I would need to push it down with my finger..." There are people who do not rest or stop until they feel on the verge of bursting. Says the Rambam: this ruins and destroys the digestive power of the stomach, and it is the root of all sickness - even if one eats fine, high-quality food, it is worse than eating spoiled food.
Rabbenu Yonah adds: one who is drawn after pleasures will separate himself from the ways of the wise soul, for bodily desires and wisdom are rivals to one another. The pleasures of this world and wisdom are rivals, and whoever pursues worldly desires will not be able to attain wisdom. This is the meaning of "The righteous eats to satisfy his soul" - to satisfy his soul, not to satisfy his stomach, whereas "the belly of the wicked will suffer want," for he constantly feels the need to eat more and more. And of this it is said, "For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty."
A second explanation: "Beloecha" means in your swallowing. Do not swallow excessively. "If you are a master of appetite" - if you possess strong desires and appetite, put a knife to your swallowing; curb your swallowing and enjoyment, and withdraw your hand from it. And a third explanation: "Sakin" is taken literally as a knife, following Rashi, and "beloecha" means in your throat, in your gullet - meaning, do not harm yourself, for overeating is like swallowing a knife, damaging the stomach just like swallowing an actual blade.
The Malbim explains in his characteristic way: after warning us that when we sit to eat with a ruler we must not forget his awe and honor - because during a meal one tends to feel chummy and informal, behaving inappropriately - the verse commands us an additional thing: when dining with a ruler, do not eat a great deal. Even if this stems from your appetite, because you have strong desires - it is better that you put a knife to your throat and restrain yourself from overeating. Dining with a ruler is an honorable occasion, and someone who sits with a ruler and gorges, grabbing from here and snatching from there - this is no way to eat before a dignitary. So first - conduct yourself with reverence; and second - if you are voracious, restrain yourself. As the saying goes: eat at home and then go. Do not show up to the ruler's banquet after having starved for two days, only to behave improperly in his presence.
אַל־תִּתְאָו לְמַטְעַמּוֹתָיו וְהוּא לֶחֶם כְּזָבִים׃ - Do not crave his delicacies, for it is bread of falsehood.
Rashi continues his explanation based on the allegory of the Torah scholar: if the sage is not proficient in that particular subject, do not badger him and do not press him with questions. "Do not crave his delicacies" - one should not strive to extract answers from such a person; rather, leave him and go before a qualified rabbi, so as not to embarrass him with questions he cannot answer. And what often happens? Because you press him, he will try to come up with an answer, and the reply will be a hollow brush-off - he felt forced to say something, so he said something.
Rav Lasry once recounted that during a lecture, someone asked him, "Honored Rabbi, where does it say in the Torah that one must wear a kippah?" He replied, "It is an explicit verse: 'And it shall be when you leave your house, you shall cover your head.'" The man exclaimed, "Really, Rabbi? Incredible! You are the first rabbi to actually answer me! I asked many great rabbis and none of them could tell me..." If such a verse actually existed, it would indeed be a brilliant answer. The lesson is that when you badger someone with questions, you may end up receiving irrelevant answers whose sole purpose is to quiet you down. Why put yourself there? If you see that this rabbi does not have satisfying answers, consult a rabbi who can provide them - but do not push him into a corner where he feels forced to feed you nonsense just because you are relentless.
Rabbenu Yonah explains regarding dining with the ruler: strive diligently not to be among those who dine at the king's table out of a craving for delicacies, for it is "bread of falsehood." What does this mean? You grow accustomed to dining with the king, and at the king's table they serve only extraordinary fare - everything is gourmet, elegantly presented, high-class. Then, when you come home and have to eat lentils, you can no longer be content with them: "What is this, peasant food?" You have grown used to food of an entirely different level and style. Then, says Rabbenu Yonah, if you later seek to maintain those lavish habits and indulgences, you will squander your wealth, and of this it is said, "For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty."
Interviews were once conducted with lottery winners: what remained of their winnings? Almost all of them had lost their wealth; whoever was broke beforehand was broke afterward, and some even ended up deep in debt. They asked one of them, "What is left from your windfall?" He replied, "I was left with the habit of smoking Marlboro." Before that he did not care what brand he smoked, but now he had grown accustomed to luxury - none of the money remained, yet the habit persisted. The same is true here: you are no longer with the ruler, but the habits, the taste, and the lifestyle stay with you, and you seek to maintain them but cannot, because you are no longer dining with the ruler. Therefore, says Rabbenu Yonah, there is an allusion here to the teaching: "Do not seek intimacy with the ruling authority." The authorities accustom a person to a certain standard of living from which it is extraordinarily difficult to break free, and this is one of the things that drives a person out of his mind and away from the will of his Creator.
In a humorous vein, one could explain "for it is deceptive bread" literally: someone once related attending a lavish, stylish wedding, describing it as an event where they serve garnishes on a plate - artistic smears and designs to the right and left, a microgreen leaf here and there, tiny samples. When asked how it ended, he replied: "After the wedding, all of us went out for shawarma and ate a proper meal..." A person who attends such places should not expect real food; it is mostly garnishes and style. "Do not crave his delicacies" - it is all deception, pretense, and garnish, not something that will actually satisfy you. But that is merely a humorous take.
According to the Malbim: a person might think, "What a pity; there was such good food there, and I spent the whole time holding myself back." But do you really think that when a ruler honors you, he genuinely cares about your honor? After all, our Sages warn, "Do not become overly familiar with the ruling authorities, for they befriend a person only for their own benefit." If the ruler invited you to a feast and showed you honor, he wants something from you; he has an agenda and expectations of you. It turns out that while you eat his bread and feel honored, it is actually deceptive bread: bread steeped in deception, a setup for the burdens he will roll onto you and the demands he will make of you. Therefore, do not grieve so much over not being able to indulge in everything there - it was never prepared for your pleasure, but to place demands upon you, so keep things in proportion. "Deceptive" (kezavim) means that you pin your hopes on it, but it will only disappoint you, because it was done for his benefit, not yours.
An example of this is the banquet to which Haman was invited: Haman was full of self-assurance, boasting to everyone that Queen Esther had invited no one "except me" - what an honor, to be invited by royalty! Yet, "Do not crave his delicacies, for it is deceptive bread" - the invitation was orchestrated solely to ambush him and bring an end to his standing before Achashverosh. Did he really think he was invited to be honored? The same applies here.
The Malbim explains: these verses are not coming merely to instruct us on how to conduct ourselves with political rulers - though that is an important lesson in its own right - but rather, all of this is an allegory. And what is the allegory pointing to? The true ruler. And who, unfortunately, is the true ruler within us? The yetzer hara (evil inclination). The yetzer hara is "an old and foolish king," but a king nonetheless; sadly, he reigns and rules over man. He is the desiring drive, the impulsive force, the power of anger within man, whom Shlomo HaMelech called in Kohelet "an old and foolish king." And he invites man - and who is the true man? The soul, his intellect. The ruler says to him: "Come, I have made a banquet for you; come eat, come see what I have to offer you, what wonderful things, come see how much I care for you." But the Torah warns: be careful, guard yourself against his seductions, do not cross the boundary. "Consider well what is before you" - beware of what he is offering you; "Do not crave his delicacies."
And why does the verse specifically say mat'amotav ("his delicacies")? Simply, it refers to delicacies; but according to the Malbim's idea, one could say: this is how the yetzer hara begins - "Come, just have a taste." Just as people say today: "It's no big deal, just a little." "What's the matter with you, do I look like an addict to you?" But something is brought out, friends are rolling it up, and they say: "Come on, take just a little, no big deal." This is the best illustration of the yetzer's methods of persuasion, because it operates on the exact same principle. No addict ever intended from the start to end up injecting drugs, chained to an addiction, stealing from his mother to buy a fix. No one ever thought that way; each one told himself: "It's no big deal, just a little something, just a quick buzz and a good feeling." That is how it started - and where does it end? In the gutters, in the cemeteries. These people do not live long lives, and most meet their end before forty. Where does it all begin? With "just a little, no big deal."
Regarding this, the verse says: "Do not crave his delicacies, for it is deceptive bread." He tells you, "Come, just take a little taste," but that taste will lead to more and more, until you breach every boundary. Therefore, when you see that the ruler is hosting a banquet for you - "Put a knife to your throat if you are a person of appetite." Be cautious and discern well what is before you: this is a meal that could be termed the final feast, a meal in which he will finish you off. What, then, are those delicacies and little tastes here and there? They are delicacies whose ultimate purpose is to bring a person into the realm of deceptive bread. And what is deceptive bread? The Malbim explains: this is not bread destined for the soul of man qua human being, but only for the animalistic side within him. He gives you bread that will satisfy your desires, but not bread that will satisfy your soul. Therefore, do not buy into what the old and foolish king - the ruler - is selling you, despite all the honor with which he ostensibly honors you.
The first three verses of chapter 23 teach us wisdom in our conduct: "Consider well what is before you" - to observe who stands before you, whether his eye is generous or begrudging, to understand how a master is appeased by his servant, to know one's place and not push into a sphere that is not yours, and to maintain awe and respect for one greater than you; "Put a knife to your throat" - to curb appetite, whether due to the host's begrudging eye, out of respect for the occasion, or to avoid the harms of overeating, which is the root of all illness and distances a person from wisdom; and "Do not crave his delicacies, for it is deceptive bread" - to realize that authorities draw a person close only for their own benefit, and that habits of indulgence ruin one's wealth and mind. Above all, as the Malbim explains, all of this is an allegory for the true ruler, the yetzer hara, the old and foolish king, who prepares a feast for the soul and invites it "just to taste" - yet that bread is deceptive bread, which feeds the beast while starving the soul.