Introduction
In this part of chapter 20 we stand before two adjacent pesukim that the Malbim links together into a single continuum: "One who curses his father and his mother" and "An inheritance grabbed in haste at the outset." Both pesukim deal with a person who injures his parents: whether out of a feeling of bitterness over his very existence, or out of a lust for inheritance that rushes to inherit while the parents are still alive. We will follow the words of the Malbim, and afterward add the explanations of Rashi, the Ibn Ezra, and Rabbeinu Yonah.
The Person for Whom Life Is a Burden
The Malbim says: there are people whom you see walking through the world bent over. Why bent over? Because the world is a burden to them. They carry all the troubles of the world on their shoulders. This was a widespread outlook, and the Rambam in the Moreh Nevuchim confronts it. In Sefer Iyov too we saw this struggle: Iyov at a certain stage comes to represent the outlook that man was created for his own misfortune, that human life in this world holds more bad than good, that man's existence here is hard and full of suffering. Ask such a person how things are going, and he will tell you: life is hard. He looks like someone whose world has collapsed upon him, someone whose every moment is filled with distress and suffering. And because things are so bad for him here, he lives with the feeling that if the Holy One, blessed be He, wanted to take revenge on him, He created him; He sought a way to do him harm, and formed him here in the world.
Someone may come and say: perhaps you do not understand what he is going through, perhaps hard things are happening to him. But know that in most cases this is not what he is going through: usually it is a matter of character, something a person is born with, or a line of thinking. Two people can experience exactly the same experiences. Ask one how life is, and he will tell you: a lemon. Sour, terrible, everything as bad as it can possibly be. Ask the second, and he will tell you: lemonade. There was a lemon, we added sugar, how wonderful. Everything depends on the point of view. The two of them do the same job: one complains endlessly, always feeling bad, the salary doesn't suit him, the weather doesn't suit him, wherever they placed him doesn't suit him, and he walks around in a constant feeling of victimhood. And the second one: good morning, hello, how are you, thank God, the kindnesses of God, there is a livelihood, there is something to eat. True, there is always something better, but how much will a person keep striving for? The first looks like a crushed lemon, and the second like lemonade, and only the outlook distinguishes between them.
And Who Is to Blame? Father and Mother
The Malbim says: when life is a burden to a person, he begins to look for someone to blame. And who is to blame that I am here? Father and mother. They brought me here; had they not brought me, I would not have to suffer. I once heard this distorted outlook from a certain man, unfortunately far from the mitzvot, when I spoke with him about honoring one's father and mother. He said to me in blunt language (and I will soften the words): because my father and mother did such and such, so many years ago, I have to honor them? A feeling of estrangement and contempt: as if to say, what, just because he is the factory? Are you going to honor the factory that manufactured your suit? It is dreadful to observe an ingrate and the manner in which he relates to things. And since all of life is a burden to him, he also sues the factory, he sues the manufacturer: how did you produce such a thing? He has complaints, why did they bring me here, and he curses his day, "Cursed be the day on which a man was born," and his night as well (and whoever wishes to delve further will find this in our words on Sefer Iyov). These people curse their parents, because they are the cause of their existence here in the world.
מְקַלֵּל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ יִדְעַךְ נֵרוֹ בֶּאֱשׁוּן חֹשֶׁךְ׃ (כ) - One who curses his father and his mother, his lamp shall be extinguished in the blackness of darkness. (20)
A person's lamp is his fortune, his success is symbolized as a lamp. We say "may his lamp shine," which means that his fortune should give him light. There is a weary fortune, there is a drowsy fortune, there is an extinguished fortune, and there is a fortune that shines, blossoms, is dynamic and heartening. A person whose fortune shines upon him has a successful fortune; and a person for whom it does not, his lamp fades. Of the one who curses his parents the pasuk says: "his lamp shall be extinguished," the success, the good life, and the good reality will fade.
"In the Blackness of Darkness" - Even the Spark of Hope Goes Out
The Malbim adds: even someone whose lamp has faded and even gone out, there still usually exists a reality of a little light. At night there is no sun, but there is a moon and there are stars. And in the analogy, this is hope. A person tells you: life is hard, true, but I hope, I look forward. A spark of hope in his heart that gives him a reason to live and a reason to look forward. The spark of hope can even be the lottery ticket he filled out this morning. Someone was once asked: you fill out lottery tickets, have you ever won? He said: honestly, no. How much have you spent to this day? He said: I think I could have bought half a villa with that money. So why do you continue? He said: do you know what this is? I gave fifty shekels to the lottery and bought myself an illusion for a whole week. For a whole week I go around with the thoughts: what will I do with the fifty million, what will I do when they call me. I would have had to pay a psychologist far more to get such a week of living in fantasies; for fifty shekels I bought it. And some buy it even for ten.
And sometimes there is real benefit in this spark of hope: the person does not despair of life. I knew a couple whom life did not treat well for years: financially, they had no apartment, and all the difficulties. And still something held them together: he came from abroad, grew up in America, and constantly aspired to return there. There he has possibilities, there he will open a business, there it is much easier, there are fewer entanglements. This gave him a spark of hope: true, it is hard here, but at some point we will get to America. And indeed at a certain point they returned to America and tried to start life anew, and it did not work out. And when they came back here they were already completely broken, because the spark of hope had evaporated. Sometimes it is actually better to preserve the spark of hope: it is preferable to remain with the imagination that had you been there it could have been better, because that imagination still gives vitality.
And of this the verse speaks: this person, not only does his lamp flicker out, but he remains "in deep darkness" - total darkness, without even a spark of hope. This is the meaning of "and the wicked shall be silenced in darkness," and this is "the lamp of the wicked shall be put out." The one who curses his father and mother for having brought him into such a world will lose every spark of hope, and not only will no lamp shine above his head to make his fortune succeed, but he will be in complete and absolute darkness.
Second explanation: he curses because he is in a hurry
The Malbim offers another explanation, one that, sadly, is closer to the reality we sometimes witness: at times a person curses his father and mother because he is in a hurry. His parents live longer than the span he allotted them, longer than what he planned for them. He already needs to marry off his children, he has been building for a long time, the villa is stuck, and they insist on continuing to live. Of this it is said "one who curses his father and mother" - as if he had already sent them off to that world - "his lamp shall be put out in deep darkness." And this connects to the following verse: "an inheritance grabbed hastily at first, its end will not be blessed." He is already in a state of "bahilu" - as we say about the exodus from Egypt, that we left in haste, in a rush. The road grew urgent for him, he cannot wait until Hashem decides when their time has come; he wants it here and now.
Two shocking incidents
I have already told in the past what Rav Zilberstein related, and I will repeat it briefly. There was a man whose mother needed to undergo surgery, and they tried to find him to have him sign the consent, and each time they could not reach him. And if she did not undergo the amputation of her leg, due to diabetes, her condition would become life threatening. In time it turned out that he had not abandoned his mother: he came to her, but at night, when no one was in the ward except the nurses, and he would tell her: do not agree to them under any circumstances, these are butchers, they will take off your leg, they will take your life. And so she refused to sign, saying: only my son, if he wishes, will sign. And he could not be reached. The head of the ward saw this and was horrified, began to investigate, and it turned out that the mother owned a luxurious villa in Tzahala, and the fellow was in a hurry: what, another thirty years? One must get ahead in life. He planned to send her off quickly to the world that is all good. The professor sent the mother home by ambulance and informed the son: there is nothing more for us to do at the hospital, if she is going to die, she will die at home, we have no interest in her dying specifically here. He wanted to place it upon the son's conscience, that he would watch his mother expire before his eyes. The next morning he discovered that the son had returned her to the hospital. In the end they set up an ambush, waited for him when he came at night, and forced him to sign against his will, after much shaming, and only then did he sign. And that professor told Rav Zilberstein that he continued to care for this woman for another twenty years. She lived another twenty years, and the son had decided to finish her off.
And another incident that was told to my parents: an older couple, in their mid sixties to seventies, and the mother was tired of her kitchen and decided to renovate the house. The children came for a visit, and the daughter says to her: Mom, why do you need expenses now? Why do you need renovations? Enough, Mom, at your age... And in other words: is it not a shame to waste the inheritance, we have better things to do with it. "She is already burying me alive," said the mother, "she is already inheriting me while I am alive." And what would my mother reply to her? Whoever plants garlic gets garlic. What do you expect, to plant garlic and receive roses? There are no tricks: according to the upbringing, the values, and the manners she received there, this is what she gives back. She is simply a good student; what they taught her, that is what she returns. Did you ever give her values? Did anyone ever teach her what "honor your father and your mother" means? Was there ever any attitude of respect for parents? If parents are a kind of ATM, then come on, hand over the money and do not sit on it too long. I am not saying everyone is like this, but if you did not educate toward something else, what are your demands and what do you expect from your child?
And this is what the verse means by "one who curses his father and mother" - he degrades them, because he is waiting for them to die already so that he can inherit their estate. And of this it says "his lamp shall be put out in deep darkness": not only will he have no success, but, God forbid, he will have the complete opposite.
An inheritance grabbed hastily - Rashi's explanation
נַחֲלָה מְבֹהֶלֶת בָּרִאשׁוֹנָה וְאַחֲרִיתָהּ לֹא תְבֹרָךְ׃ (כא) - An inheritance grabbed hastily at first, and its end will not be blessed. (21)
Rashi expounds the verse in accordance with the interpretation of Chazal, regarding the inheritance of the tribes of Gad and Reuven. They immediately jumped ahead before Moshe and said: "We will build pens for our flocks here," and only afterward "and cities for our little ones." Chazal say: they made the essential secondary and the secondary essential - first pens for the flock and only afterward houses for the little ones, whereas they should have placed the houses for the little ones first and only then concerned themselves with the flock. Thus it was an inheritance grabbed hastily, they rushed to Moshe before the matter would slip away. Rashi says: notice how he speaks - only one in a hurry speaks this way, asking first for pens for his flock and cattle and only afterward where he will place his wife and children.
And what was the outcome in the end? "And its end will not be blessed." Chazal say: who was exiled first? Those who dwelt on the eastern bank of the Jordan. The tribes of Gad and Reuven were exiled first, years before the exile of Shomron and Yehuda - "and Hashem stirred up the spirit of the king of Ashur," and this was in the second year of Achaz. The other tribes were exiled in the sixth year of Chizkiyahu, which is the ninth year of Hoshea ben Elah; and Yehuda was exiled many years later, in the time of Yehoyachin. It emerges that there were three exiles: the exile of the tribes on the eastern bank of the Jordan, followed by the exile of Shomron in the days of Hoshea ben Elah (where there were always wicked kings), and after that the exile of Yehuda. You see that those who looked out first were exiled first. Those whose inheritance was grabbed hastily were exiled first, and the consequences were not long in coming.
The Ibn Ezra's explanation: a stolen inheritance
The Ibn Ezra explains that "an inheritance seized in haste at first" refers to a person who rushes to take possession of a place he never acquired. How so? By theft from others. "Its end will not be blessed" - the rains of blessing will not fall upon it; there will be no abundance in this inheritance, because it was obtained through theft.
It is well known that loss is the wedded partner of theft, of falsehood and of deceit. A pechatah is damage and deficiency. When you take something through falsehood, deceit and theft, its partner is loss. And the agreement between them was signed even before the match was made: they informed the matchmaker in advance that loss was willing to marry falsehood on condition that everything falsehood brings in passes over to loss. And ever since they have worked beautifully together: whatever falsehood, deceit and schemes bring in, in the end the damage and the loss consume it all. And whoever does not believe it, go out and see what the tycoons have done. People seized control of the pensions of an entire public, people invested their whole lives, and the great corporations gave their money a "haircut." What is this if not theft and robbery in broad daylight? And what remained of it? Nothing. They stand trial, and the company was surely sold for far less than its original value. This is what happens when things are done by a crooked path: its end will not be blessed.
The Ibn Ezra adds: note that it is written "mevochelet" and read "mevohelet." It is known that when there is a keri and a ketiv, we expound both the keri and the ketiv. Most commentators relate to the keri, to the way we read it, and therefore he first explained "mevohelet" as an expression of haste and panic. But he also explains the ketiv "mevochelet" as an expression of nausea and revulsion, something that arouses disgust, something loathsome, as in "my soul loathed them." Like unripe fruit that cannot be eaten and is unfit for eating, so too such an inheritance is loathsome, as it were, rejected and repugnant before the Holy One, blessed be He, and He does not desire it.
The Explanation of Rabbeinu Yonah: "He who robs his father and his mother and says it is no transgression"
Rabbeinu Yonah interprets the verse in light of what is said: "He who robs his father and his mother and says it is no transgression, is a companion to a destroyer." And he says of him: such a person acts with foolishness and stupidity in this matter - the one who robs his father and his mother behaves with ignorance and folly. And why? Because he tells you: for whom are they toiling and depriving their own souls of good? Is it not for me? For whom did my father invest and for whom did he buy? Surely all of it is for me. If so, let me take a little now on account. In the end he will leave it all, and to whom will it be left? To me. If so, from whom have I stolen? I have stolen from no one; I have only taken a bit earlier. This is "an inheritance seized in haste at first": this person comes to inherit in a panic already at the outset, on the basis of a worthless argument that it will come to him anyway, and thereby he robs his father and his mother.
This person still has one more hope, for he says: this will not be counted as theft, for when I inherit everything, to whom would I even return it? The law is that the theft of a person who has died is returned to the heirs, and I am the heir. So it turns out that I would return it from my right pocket to my left pocket, and along the way I would even fulfill the mitzvah of "and he shall restore that which he took by robbery." To this the verse says: "and its end will not be blessed." This son, who hastens to inherit his parents during their lifetime, should not console himself that in the end the inheritance will come to him anyway and everything will work out - even his end will not be blessed; blessing will not rest upon the deeds he does.
And "mevohelet" here is an expression of taking early. Where do we find this expression in Scripture? "And he hastened her cosmetics and her portions to give to her" - meaning he brought them early. So too here, "an inheritance seized in haste at first" means an inheritance taken early, for he rushes to inherit his fathers' inheritance at the outset. Know that even when you receive it in the end, there will be no blessing in it. Wait, and do not race down your road.
In summary:
The two verses before us deal with a single root: a distorted attitude toward one's parents. The Malbim explains "he who curses his father and his mother" in two ways - a person for whom the world is a burden and who blames his parents for having brought him here, and a person who is in a rush and looks forward to their death. And his punishment: "his lamp will be extinguished in the blackness of darkness" - not only will the lamp of his fortune go out, but even the spark of hope, that faint light that sustains a person in a time of darkness, will vanish from him. And further on, "an inheritance seized in haste at first, and its end will not be blessed": Rashi refers to the children of Gad and Reuven who put the secondary before the primary and were exiled first; the Ibn Ezra refers to an inheritance taken by theft, where loss is the wedded partner of falsehood, and also to the ketiv "mevochelet," an inheritance loathsome before the Omnipresent; and Rabbeinu Yonah refers to one who robs his father and his mother with the claim that everything is already his anyway. The conclusion is one: whoever gets ahead of his time and takes in haste - even when he receives it in the end, there will be no blessing in it.