Two verses stand before us in chapter 20 of Mishlei, and both deal with the labor of a person's mind: the first concerns the disgrace of the lie a person tells himself in order to justify his desire, and the second concerns the obligation to reflect and take counsel before a person brings a thought into action. We will proceed according to the order of the verses, and bring the words of Rashi, the Ibn Ezra, Rabbeinu Yonah, the Gra, and the Malbim.
עָרֵב לָאִישׁ לֶחֶם שָׁקֶר וְאַחַר יִמָּלֵא פִיהוּ חָצָץ׃ (יז) - Bread of falsehood is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth is filled with gravel. (17)
Rashi explains the verse as a parable about adultery with a married woman: the pleasure is sweet to him at the time, and "afterward his mouth is filled with gravel" - in the end he suffers greatly for it, in the language of "and he ground my teeth with gravel," that the judge will exact payment from him. It is also possible to explain the punishment as taking place in the World of Truth, but this is the plain sense of Rashi's words.
From where does Rashi derive that adultery is meant here? Because bread appears in Scripture as an expression for the desire of forbidden relations. Yosef says to Potifar's wife, "and he knew nothing of what was with him in the house except the bread that he ate," and Chazal expounded that the meaning is his wife. So too, "she eats and wipes her mouth and says, I have done no wrong" - the eating there refers to harlotry. It emerges that "bread of falsehood" can allude to forbidden desire.
The Ibn Ezra explains differently: "bread of falsehood is sweet to a man" - when someone comes and testifies false testimony on his behalf, the matter is very sweet to him; but when the matter is revealed, "afterward his mouth is filled with gravel."
Rabbeinu Yonah explains that the verse comes to disgrace pride and desire, and that Shlomo comes to say that a person drawn after his desire does not see the consequences. It is sweet to him to steal, sweet to him to rob, sweet to him to enjoy what belongs to another - even though he knows that in the end "his mouth will be filled with gravel," his teeth will be ground with gravel and he will receive his punishment. And what should one say about such a person? Without doubt he is a fool, for he does not look one meter ahead, chasing after the desire of his heart while in the end he will have to give an accounting. In his words: "and behold, he has told of the great folly of men," how men sin to seek pleasure, while they know that because of it great sorrow will come to them in the end.
These matters are familiar to every person. He knows that this pleasure is burying him, that it harms him, that it is bad for him - and nevertheless: pour another cup. "Sir, your liver is already weak" - put in another cup. "You have no room left on your arm from all the injections" - bring another dose. These are the extreme examples of addiction, but many times a person becomes addicted to lesser things, such as smoking and even less than that, and he seeks immediate pleasure while knowing that after it great sorrow will come to him in the end. And if he does not know - they have stamped it and photographed it for him on the box. And nevertheless he continues. "Bread of falsehood is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth is filled with gravel."
We can explain why the verse calls it "bread of falsehood": because every person who goes after his desire has the lie with which he walks about. He has the explanation for why, specifically for him, this does not cause harm. "It's just a little bit," "it's only one cup," "and just one more little cup and that's it" - like the song of the drunkard. Each one has the story he tells himself.
Once I saw someone smoking freely. I asked him: are you not afraid? He answered me: listen, my friend, Rav Kaduri smoked, and it is enough for me to live the years that he lived. I told him three things. First, of Rav Kaduri they said that he did not inhale into his lungs. Second, do you also have his merits, or did you take only the smoking from him? And third, it is known that in smoking there is a certain percentage of people whom the thing will not harm, but that is a small percentage, and a person can never know whether he is from that percentage. At age one hundred he will be able to know - but one has to reach there in order to know, and there are many for whom, long before that, other things became known, may Hashem save us.
On another occasion I remarked to a smoker, and he answered me: All the studies that were done were not done on Shabbat observers. I asked: And then what? He said: I hold that a person who keeps Shabbat has one day a week on which he cleanses himself, and that requires a separate study. I told him: If so, you are the first guinea pig in this private study. And it may well be that the study will indeed yield results, only what a shame you will not be here to hear that the results were negative.
And this is not only with smoking. In any matter in which a person does something he knows is not good for him and harms him, he has some ideology, some lie by which he walks, that soothes his conscience and lets him stride confidently along the corrupt path he is on. You take bread and eat, take a desire and enjoy it, but it is "bread of falsehood": you convince yourself by way of a lie.
Rabbenu Yonah adds: This is one of the ways of a person's reckoning with his soul. A person must make a spiritual accounting - "Reckon the loss of a mitzvah against its reward, and the reward of a sin against its loss." You received a small pleasure, but what are you about to lose for it? Did you do the accounting? "Bread of falsehood is sweet to a man" - it is sweet to him, and he does not reckon that in the end "his mouth will be filled with gravel."
לְקַח בִּגְדוֹ כִּי עָרַב זָר וּבְעַד נָכְרִיָּה חַבְלֵהוּ׃ (טז) - Take his garment, for he has guaranteed a stranger, and on account of a foreign woman take a pledge from him. (16)
Rabbenu Yonah adds that it is very possible that the previous verse is an introduction to these words. There it is said that a person who went to be a guarantor for a stranger - do not have pity on him, take even his garment. And why should one not have compassion on him? Because from the outset he should have considered that there are people to whom bread of falsehood is sweet, and for a momentary pleasure they are ready to rob and plunder, and they pay no attention to their evil inclination and do not consider their end, even though in the end the Judge will grind their mouths with gravel. If so, how did you go to guarantee a stranger you do not know? For over a few coins he will sell you and not repay you, and will consume your money, and the creditors will come to you. You brought this upon yourself, and therefore there is no need to have compassion on you, and it is permitted to take even your garment. And it may also be a play on words: "for he has guaranteed a stranger" (ki arav zar) and "bread of falsehood is sweet to a man" (arev la'ish) - the two verses are adjacent to one another because both are connected to the root ayin-resh-bet.
The Gra explains the pasuk first according to its plain meaning: a person commits injustice and deceit, and the matter is sweet and pleasant to him - it is immediate profit, readily available, without great effort; but afterward "his mouth will be filled with gravel." And then, in his way of expounding everything on the Torah, he says: sweet to a person are "statutes that are not good," and false plain interpretations, and ornate expositions and distinctions made in order to boast and to elevate oneself. That is, pilpulim that are gut sevarot and distinctions that have no source whatsoever - "not distinction do I know but confusion do I know," in the language of the books - and all sorts of ideas and vertlach that have nothing in them at all.
And what is "his mouth will be filled with gravel"? The Gra does not explain, but it seems one can interpret it in two ways. The first: in the end someone who knows how to learn will come, whose study is pure and straight, and he will examine his words and write after him, "So and so spouted much nonsense, and wrote things that cannot be said." At the moment the idea seems brilliant and beautiful and attractive, but when one examines it at its root it turns out that it has no foundation and no branch. And the second: "his mouth will be filled with gravel" in the World to Come, that they will say to him - you built a building on empty pillars, you created pilpulim that are vanities, you said things without consideration. You thought no one would notice and no one would ask you hard questions, but there is no substance in your words, and this is not true Torah study. It emerges that even though the matter is sweet to him here - he said a novel insight, said a vort, everyone was impressed - if the words are not accurate, in this world and in the World to Come "his mouth will be filled with gravel."
The Malbim explains "bread of falsehood" - bread that comes by way of robbery, deceit, and fraud. At first it seems sweet to him, since it came to him easily and without effort, but afterward "his mouth will be filled with gravel." And the Malbim innovates that chatzatz is from the language of chitzim (arrows), and not in the sense in which we read chatzatz (gravel) today. In fact we have no explicit clarification of this word; it says "and He broke my teeth with gravel," and it is customary to interpret it as our gravel, but according to the Malbim the meaning is arrows - that he will be punished by the Judge or by Heaven.
And the analogue, says the Malbim, continues from what we spoke about above regarding external views and heresy, that "heresy is different, for it draws one in." At first the person is drawn after it - interesting views, fascinating theories - and it draws him, and afterward it becomes for him a food of desire, until he consumes heresy regularly. You feed your spiritual soul bread of falsehood, which are false views. At first it seems sweet to you, "for the lips of a strange woman drip honey" - and we have already explained that when Scripture speaks of the strange woman, the foreign woman, and the harlot, Shlomo intends the strange and foreign views that seduce a person with their words and distance him from the way of Hashem. But afterward "his mouth will be filled with gravel" - arrows, sparks, and the death of the soul, and his soul He will sling out from the hollow of a sling. And therefore he tells you: do not get involved with this at all.
Notice the precision of the language: "fills his mouth." We already spoke about how the mouth alludes to inner wisdom, while the lips - "lips of knowledge" - allude to what is already revealed. You put external wisdoms into this mouth? Instead of filling it with true wisdom, "fills his mouth with gravel" and arrows.
מַחֲשָׁבוֹת בְּעֵצָה תִכּוֹן וּבְתַחְבֻּלוֹת עֲשֵׂה מִלְחָמָה׃ (יח) - Plans are established through counsel, and with strategies wage war. (18)
Everyone knows the end of the verse, and they even added a word to it: "with strategies wage war for yourself." Rashi explains: if you come to fight against the Satan, come to him with strategies - and what are the strategies? Repentance, prayer and fasting; with these you outwit him.
Rabbeinu Yonah explains the beginning of the verse: it is fitting and proper for every person who plans something to think and reflect on the matter, and if he does not know - "established through counsel" - he should not rely on his own thinking alone but consult with others. Do not do things because "I know," but rather check with others.
It seems we already recounted here that Rav Yitzchak Yosef said that his father told him that nearly every responsum in "Yabia Omer," and certainly in the earlier volumes, was written after he spoke and consulted with the great sages of the generation: Rav Tzvi Pesach Frank, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Rav Ben Tzion Abba Shaul - he sent many questions to him - and other rabbis among the wise men of the generation, whom he would go and consult with and discuss Torah learning regarding all sorts of his questions.
It is further told about Rav Tzvi Pesach Frank, that when people would come to him to ask questions, he told the Rabbanit: when Chacham Ovadia Yosef comes, let him in ahead of everyone in line, his time is too precious, he sits and learns and he is a great diligent scholar. The Rabbanit asked him: I do not understand, the people who come here are not merely simple folk, there are great Torah scholars here, roshei yeshiva and talmidei chachamim, and their time is precious and they too are diligent - why give him precedence over everyone? He said to her: True, but they are all private individuals, and Rav Ovadia Yosef is the man of the community, he is not a private person. Already then he foresaw that all of Israel would need him.
It emerges that when a person wants to bring something to fruition - he consults, asks the great sages of Israel, learns the topic with them, and then his thinking will truly succeed and prosper.
However, note the precision of Rabbeinu Yonah: "and he should not rely on the matter without first having thoughts of his own heart." Do not say: I do not know what to do, I will go consult right away. That is not the way. First reflect on your own, think about all the possible angles, and after you already have a direction - or even an organized dilemma - your reflection is beneficial, because you know what is unclear to you.
Consider a person who learns a sugya and says "I did not understand." What did you not understand? "I do not know, I did not understand." In contrast, the Steipler learns the same sugya and writes in his book "and I did not understand this sugya." Both did not understand - so what is the difference? The Steipler will tell you exactly what is unclear: the entire sugya is completely clear to him, except that one thing does not fit with another, and according to this approach what the Gemara later challenges from a beraita does not resolve. There is great value in a person clarifying what is unclear to him, so that it is organized in his mind what the point requiring explanation is - that he masters the entire sugya and knows which point needs clarification. This is the opposite level from a person who says "I understood nothing here."
And so it is precisely in the verse: Shlomo did not say "go consult." He said "plans," and afterward "are established through counsel." First arrange it for yourself.
From here we learn an important point: even when a person comes before a sage, he must present the entire story from one side, and the problems he fears will emerge from the other side. Sometimes a person comes and asks, and the sage tells him A. His wife comes and asks, and she is told B. They say: let us go together. They arrive at the rav, and he listens and says: correct, but you did not mention that the matter touches on lives, that if you take such a course it could affect so and so in a way that truly involves danger to life; you did not say that, and therefore in the situation you described, the answer is A. And when your wife came and described that such an action might cause such and such, do you agree? Yes, that is true. If so, the picture has completely changed. You left out one detail, and that detail changed the entire picture. Two people can ask the same question and receive different answers.
With Rav Elyashiv this was very common. Once someone asked about a certain connection whether it contained a prohibition, and the rav told him there was no prohibition in it. Another came, and he told him there was a prohibition. He said to him: wait, the rav told someone else differently! And the answer: he did not ask about such a connection, and the connection you are showing is different, and at its root there is a change. You do not understand the change, and therefore you think the rulings contradict, but the ruling is one and the same. Just as it is important to lay out all the sides before the sage, so too it is important that the person himself think about the sides; for if you omit a detail, the sage will not be able to give you a correct answer, since he does not answer with divine inspiration but according to the details you gave, what the Torah says should be done in such a situation.
As Chazal said: "Shitin malkhin yehevun lakh, umalka denafshakh la tishbok" - sixty kings you will have, with all of them you will consult and speak, but do not neglect your own kingship. Reflect on the matters, you too have an opinion, and afterward consult. But do not think that you close off your own opinion and go, and whatever they tell you is what you will do, and also not the opposite.
And why should you not rely on advice alone? Rabbeinu Yonah explains: because the person himself, who is engaged in that matter, will examine his own thoughts, "for a person will labor to think deeply about his own affairs more than others will labor to investigate them." Whom does your problem interest more, you or the one you approached to consult with? You live it, eat it, drink it, and sleep with it. Think about it, consider the possibilities, because you are the closest to the matter, and with you the thought and engagement in it are greater, and it may be that you will reach more correct conclusions.
On the other hand, why should you not suffice with this? Because you may have biases. A person says: I thought about the subject, and in my opinion in such a case one must respond forcefully, that this cannot be allowed, and in truth he carries resentment from something once done to him, and for a long time he has been seeking an opportunity, and now it has presented itself. Therefore: thoughts are good, fine, needed and necessary, but "through counsel they are established." Go and consult with others too whether it is right to do such a thing, because sometimes a person's mind falls short, and perhaps he will err and something will escape him.
I told you here about Rav Elyashiv, that they needed to hold a gathering of the gedolei Yisrael in his home. At first he did not want to, but there was no choice, since they told him that only to him would everyone come, and he agreed. And from noon he was troubled: whom would they seat at the head? How would he seat the people? They told him: the honored rav will sit in his place at the head of the table, and they will come and gather. He said: Heaven forbid, this is not respectful, as if I made myself head over everyone and I sit at the head of the table. And he had no rest. One of the household attendants came and said: honored rav, I have an idea, next to our synagogue there is a round table; we will bring a round table, and that solves all the problems. It is told that the rav had joy beyond description, and he returned to learning with peace of mind. He immediately gave him money and said: go and bring a table. The attendant said to him: no, rav, there is no need. He said to him: absolutely not, take money, for Rav Elyashiv would not accept favors, take money and go and bring a table. He brought the table, and the rav was calm and at ease.
And now, who is wiser? For it is not said that the attendant is the gadol hador. Rather, this is precisely the intent of the verse: "Thoughts through counsel are established" - even one whose mind is great and whose thought is deep, sometimes a simple thing escapes him, and the counsel comes specifically from another.
"עָרֵב לָאִישׁ לֶחֶם שָׁקֶר וְאַחַר יִמָּלֵא פִיהוּ חָצָץ" - Sweet to a man is bread of falsehood, but afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel - every pleasure that comes through wrongdoing, whether in forbidden relations (Rashi), whether in false testimony (Ibn Ezra), whether in theft and deceit (the Gra and the Malbim), whether in foreign ideas and heresy that at their start draw one in like honey (the Malbim) - sweet at its beginning and arrows at its end. Every person holds on to some small falsehood that quiets his conscience, and therefore his work is the soul-accounting that Rabbeinu Yonah teaches: to reckon the reward of a sin against its loss, and to see the end and not only the moment. And immediately afterward Shlomo teaches the correct way to act: "Thoughts through counsel are established" - first orderly self-reflection, so that a person knows exactly what lies before him and what is unclear to him, and afterward counsel from Torah greats while presenting all the details; and in the war against the yetzer - "and with strategies wage war": teshuvah, tefillah, and fasting.