In Chapter 19, King Solomon continues to address what establishes a person's home and what brings it down: a foolish son and a contentious wife on the one hand, and a prudent wife on the other; laziness and deceit on the one hand, and the observance of mitzvos on the other. We will follow the order of the pesukim, bringing the commentaries of Rashi, Ibn Ezra, Rabbeinu Yonah, the Vilna Gaon, and the Malbim.
הַוֺּת לְאָבִיו בֵּן כְּסִיל וְדֶלֶף טֹרֵד מִדְיְנֵי אִשָּׁה׃ (יג) - A foolish son is calamity to his father, and the brawlings of a contentious wife are a continual dripping. (13)
The Malbim, in his usual manner, seeks the connection between the first half of the verse and the second. We have already seen elsewhere, "A foolish son is grief to his father" - the foolish son angers his father and breaks his heart. Here, however, Solomon adds the connective *vav*: "and the brawlings of a contentious wife are a continual dripping." That is to say, far worse than merely "a foolish son is grief to his father" is when the two combine. Wherever this man turns, he is in distress. He goes outside, and people tell him immediately: Your son did this here, your son caused damage there. He flees home, and his wife starts in on him - a continual dripping. When the relentless dripping of a wife's contentions is added to the foolish son, then wherever he is, both inside his home and outside it, his anguish grows exceedingly great.
בַּיִת וָהוֹן נַחֲלַת אָבוֹת וּמֵה' אִשָּׁה מַשְׂכָּלֶת׃ (יד) - House and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from Hashem. (14)
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: Fathers often bequeath their house and wealth to their children and grandchildren through the merit of an ancestral inheritance - this my father bequeathed to me, and that his grandfather bequeathed to him. But a person merits a prudent wife only if it was decreed for him from Heaven. In his words: "For it is not decreed upon fathers during their lifetime to give their offspring a prudent wife." In other words, for a prudent wife, one depends entirely on the Master of the World. Properties come from your father, but whether you actually marry a good wife depends on the will of Hashem, blessed be He; it does not depend on inheritances, not on your father, and not on anything else.
The Vilna Gaon explains that the verse is structured around the three essentials a person needs: dwelling, basic necessities, and a wife. Dwelling means a home, a place to live. Necessities mean food, drink, clothing, and all personal needs. And then a wife. Our Sages expounded on the verse, "sufficient for his need in that which is lacking for him": "sufficient for his need" - this refers to a home; "in that which is lacking" - these are his personal necessities; "for him" - this is a wife, who is the special "for him" that Hashem grants him. This is what is stated here: "House and riches" - a home and personal necessities, so that he will have what to wear and what to eat - are "an inheritance from fathers"; these can still be received from one's parents. But a wife is no longer within your father's power to provide; rather, "and a prudent wife is from Hashem."
Granted, it is very desirable for the parents to have wealth, as that makes it easier for him to find a prudent wife, but it is no guarantee. Often the parents have wealth and match wealth with wealth, money marries money, and Heaven forbid - the woman who brought the wealth along drains his very soul, leaving him to wonder why he ever needed all this wealth. Thus we see that money does not guarantee a prudent wife either, even if it makes it easier for him to choose a match according to his heart's desire.
The Malbim, in his typical way, uses the connective *vav* to link the first part of the verse with the second: "House and riches are an inheritance from fathers" - house and wealth pass down as an inheritance from fathers to sons; your father inherited from his father, and he bequeaths it to his children after him. Yet all this depends on one condition: "and a prudent wife is from Hashem" - if the Holy One, blessed be He, has graced a man with a prudent wife who manages the home and the household wealth with wisdom, then the inheritance will remain intact for his children after him. For it is the wife who preserves the wealth, and it is she who tears down the home through her folly, as it is written: "Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." Everything depends on the wife. As the saying goes, a woman can easily make her husband a millionaire - if he was a billionaire before.
Therefore, if you want the house and riches you inherited from your fathers to endure so that you can pass them on to your children after you, make sure you have a prudent wife. In truth, however, it does not depend so much on your own efforts, for Scripture emphasizes that this depends on whether you have merited a prudent wife from Hashem. If you have a prudent wife, she conducts her affairs with wisdom and guards the wealth, allowing you to leave an inheritance for your children. But if not, everything slips away. It is like the man who said he had two mortgages. When people asked him, "Did you buy two houses?" he replied, "No, I have a mortgage on the apartment, and my wife is the other mortgage." He pays and never stops paying. And as for the credit card, they never refrain from swiping; instead of ironing shirts at home, she swipes the card here and swipes it there. Such a person, whose wife squanders the ancestral inheritance, has not merited a prudent wife from Hashem.
עַצְלָה תַּפִּיל תַּרְדֵּמָה וְנֶפֶשׁ רְמִיָּה תִרְעָב׃ (טו) - Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, and an idle soul will suffer hunger (15).
Rashi explains: Laziness leads to sleep. We all know this phenomenon. A lazy person sits down, because standing up takes energy, and he has no spare energy and certainly does not intend to waste it. So he sits, and after three minutes he drifts off into upper worlds. But one who is not lazy, who is active all day - walking, fetching, bringing, buying, selling - also does not sleep. Notice: a person who wakes up early in the morning, like one who wakes up for netz (sunrise), can be active all day - until the moment he sits down. Once he sits, after two minutes he is asleep. "Where did this exhaustion come from?" - as long as you were active, you did not feel it; you sat down for two minutes and fell asleep. And if it is next to a sefer - within twenty seconds; two minutes is already a long time!
However, this is only the literal metaphor, Rashi says. What is the deeper meaning? One who is lazy in his studies ultimately, when asked for a word of wisdom, falls asleep. People say to him: "Share a dvar Torah" - and he falls silent. "Nirdam" (falls asleep) here is like a sleeping person: silent, not uttering a word. Even a sleeper sometimes speaks in his sleep, but this person does not utter a single word. Why? Because he was lazy in his Torah study. If you were always carrying a sefer with you and studying it at every opportunity, then when people ask you for a dvar Torah, you would be overflowing - attending a shiur here, a shiur there, opening a book, listening to a dvar Torah on the road; he has an endless supply. In contrast, one who is lazy and wastes his time, when asked a halachah, he stutters. With his beard he looks like half a rabbi, everywhere people think he is a rabbi, they ask him a question - and it turns out he is still just an "erev rav" (mixed multitude), not yet a rav. Therefore, a person must ensure not to be lazy in Torah, but to engage in it at every opportunity, so that when asked, he will not be in the category of "asleep."
Rabbeinu Meir Shapiro of Lublin, founder of the Daf Yomi, established Yeshivat Chachmei Lublin - a beit midrash to raise rabbis of stature in Torah. He said that he established the yeshivah so that rabbis would not violate the prohibition, "There shall not be found among you a soothsayer, a diviner, or a sorcerer." They asked him: What does that mean? He replied: If they do not come to learn here, people will come to ask the rabbi a question, and the rabbi will open a sefer and not know his right from his left; he will look at whichever page opens up - page 20 means kosher, page 9 means treif. That is simply divination!
They asked him further: A thousand enter to study scripture and only one emerges to render halachic rulings (moreh hora'ah), so how many true halachic authorities will emerge from your yeshivah? He replied: It is enough for me if one emerges as a moreh hora'ah, and the other nine hundred and ninety-nine know how to ask the right questions. For an am ha'aretz (unlearned person) does not even know what to ask, and the world appears to him like a flat plain - he has no prohibitions, no hesitations, nothing. But whoever studied by me, even if he does not become a moreh hora'ah, will know: here there is a halachic issue, here one must call a rav, here one must clarify. He is familiar with the concepts and knows how to ask the right questions.
It was also told of him that he was very strict about accepting only talented students, diligent learners (masmidim) who wanted to study seriously, and he would not accept without an entrance exam those who just came to warm the benches. On the other hand, the sons of rabbis he accepted without question. People asked him: What is this, favoritism? Why are these accepted without scrutiny, while one whose father is not a rabbi must undergo interrogations, background checks, and exams? He told them: I established this yeshivah to produce rabbis, and to produce rabbis one needs men of intellect, diligent students, and scholars capable of leading Jewish communities. But these, the sons of rabbis - they will become rabbis anyway; their fathers will pass away and they will automatically appoint the son. If he is going to be a rabbi anyway, let him at least know which way to open the sefer, let him at least learn some Gemara and know how to learn. Whatever I can rescue, I rescue; but as a rule, I seek that only worthy and deserving students come here.
This is "laziness casts one into a deep sleep": one who is lazy in Torah, when asked a question, either falls asleep or makes a wild guess. Therefore, do not be lazy; rather, occupy yourself with Torah, so that you will know words of wisdom and be proficient in them.
"And an idle soul will suffer hunger" - he will ultimately become poor. And similarly with one who is deceitful in his study, Rashi explains: making his Torah into bundles upon bundles, he will ultimately forget it. The intention seems to be that he acquires large amounts without deep analysis - he learns a tremendous amount, bundle upon bundle, but does not delve into each matter, derive the halachic conclusions, or summarize the sugya. Such a person will ultimately forget. But one who studies at a calm pace, summarizing each sugya and arriving at the halachic ruling, and then moving to another sugya and another sugya, rather than piling up bundles upon bundles - he will remember what he learned. This is an "idle/deceitful soul" (nefesh remiyah): one who conducts his learning with deceit, his soul will hunger when he needs to render a halachic decision.
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: Beyond the loss incurred by delaying the start of the work - where the main difficulty is that the lazy person fails to rise to act - there is also damage during the action itself. For the diligent and careful worker will accomplish in one hour more than the lazy person does in two hours. Thus, the lazy person suffers a double loss. One can see this with children: when you ask them to do something and they have no desire to do it - first of all, until he actually starts, he drains your patience, and when he finally does it, he drains whatever patience you have left; doing it with open reluctance, doing a half-hearted job with disdain, turning a three-minute task into fifteen minutes and driving you crazy until he finishes.
There is an additional detriment: when a person has passion for his work, that passion awakens his heart to do it properly, with joy and precision. But the sluggard has no desire for the work; it is all forced upon him, out of sheer lack of choice - "What can I do, I have to support a family." And one who works unwillingly does it haphazardly and halfway; his work is not done properly, and such work will not rescue him from his poverty. He does less than required, with less precision and less care - and such work will not lift him out of poverty.
What, then, should a person learn from this? To be diligent, to do things with alacrity and enthusiasm. Yet here too, one must be cautious not to swing to the opposite extreme. There are people who possess an overabundance of motivation to succeed, and seeing the road as too long, they seek shortcuts: "Where shall wisdom be found?" - through schemes and tricks. "Do not worry, here I cut corners, there I didn't register it, here I skipped this." This is deceit, and regarding this it is said, "And one who rushes with his feet sins." This is the meaning of "and a deceitful soul shall go hungry" - for one who hastens after wealth, seeking to amass riches through robbery, deceit, and fraud, will lose his wealth through a terrible turn of events and his soul will starve. Both extremes are destructive: laziness induces deep slumber, while on the other hand, an excess of unbridled motivation leads to cheating, lying, and dishonest conduct, and this itself will bring ruin upon his business affairs and cause his soul to starve.
Rabbeinu Yonah offers another explanation, showing how the two clauses depend on one another: the sluggard's laziness casts a deep slumber over him, yet he must earn a living from something, and he is too lazy to work - so he seeks shortcuts through theft and deceit. For example: two people work in a factory. One looks for minimum hours, minimum effort, the easiest tasks - and with all his conditions, he walks away with a salary of three thousand shekels. His friend comes to truly work, puts in whatever time is necessary, sometimes working overtime, and when harder tasks arise, he takes them on - and walks away with eight thousand. Meanwhile the sluggard, unwilling to exert himself, goes home with three thousand, which barely covers his phone and electric bills. What does he do? He takes a shortcut: stealing items from the factory without logging them in the warehouse, running illicit schemes, because he "needs supplemental income." On top of that, he harbors resentment toward the factory owner: look what kind of salary he gives me! My friend, look at what you actually worked - these were your hours; here you couldn't make it, there it was too hard for you, here you were babysitting. "A man's foolishness ruins his path, and his heart rages against Hashem" - and here, his heart rages against the boss. Thus, "laziness casts a deep sleep," and following that, "a deceitful soul" - he turns to dishonest paths because he must supplement his income - and in the end, "shall go hungry."
The Vilna Gaon explains the verse in reverse: just as in the phrase "water wears away stones" (avanav shachaku mayim), which does not mean that stones wore away the water, but that the water wore away the stones - so too here: slumber casts laziness. Slumber is what leads to the trait of laziness; one who constantly looks to sleep falls into a state of indolence where he accomplishes nothing with himself. "And a deceitful soul" - one who wishes to amass wealth and fill his storehouses through deceit - "shall go hungry."
And in accordance with the Gra's consistent approach, that all the themes in Shlomo's Mishlei pertain to the engagement in Torah and mitzvos, here too: through slumber one arrives at laziness, sitting idle without performing mitzvos, sitting and neglecting the study of Torah. And who is a "deceitful soul"? One who learns a great deal but does not review; he wants to amass much - he will go hungry, for he will retain nothing in hand and remember nothing of his Torah learning. It is possible that this is also the simple meaning of Rashi regarding one who "makes his Torah into bundles upon bundles": gathering vast amounts without constant review.
The Malbim notes that we have already seen several times how Shlomo praises diligence and condemns laziness, as in "one who sleeps during harvest is a son who causes shame." Here, however, he presents a novel insight: deceit is worse than laziness. Why? The sluggard will not hunger, for his laziness casts a deep sleep upon him, and while a person is asleep he feels no hunger - he experiences no sensation at all. But deceit is worse: first, the deceiver will fail to attain his needs, since he walks a crooked path; and second, he also remains awake, and when a person is awake, he feels his hunger. Who, then, is worse off - the deceiver or the sluggard? The deceiver - for the sluggard at least falls asleep and feels no hunger, whereas the deceiver remains awake, fully feeling the pangs of hunger.
שֹׁמֵר מִצְוָה שֹׁמֵר נַפְשׁוֹ בּוֹזֵה דְרָכָיו (יומת) [יָמוּת]׃ (טז) - One who guards a mitzvah guards his soul; one who despises His ways shall die. (16)
Ibn Ezra explains: what is meant by "guards"? That he does not abandon it, that he remains attached to the mitzvah - and thereby guards his soul from death. "And one who despises His ways," meaning the ways in which he ought to walk, the ways of Hashem - "shall die." And what is meant by "shall die"? Either death at the hands of Heaven, dying before his time, or being put to death by Beis Din, for sometimes a person violates a command for which the Torah imposes capital punishment through witnesses and forewarning. Therefore, says Ibn Ezra, one can understand why there is a keri and a kesiv here: the keri, "shall die" (yamus), refers to death at the hands of Heaven when there are no witnesses and forewarning; and the kesiv, "shall be put to death" (yumas), refers to execution by Beis Din when he violated it in the presence of witnesses and with forewarning.
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: One who wishes to guard his soul should guard the mitzvos. The mitzvah is what guards man's soul, for "it is your life and the length of your days," and "they shall be life to your soul and grace to your neck" - and then you will walk securely on your way. What protects man and lengthens his days? The mitzvos. And we have already discussed in the past that studies have proven that longevity is directly correlated with how often a person attends the synagogue; this was found in a study by Bar-Ilan University, showing that in areas where more people observe mitzvos, life expectancy is higher. Nowadays people tell you to "watch your diet" or other things, but King Solomon, the wisest of all men, says: Do you want to guard your soul? Be one who "guards the mitzvah."
By contrast, "he who despises his ways shall die": One who despises his ways and pays no heed to straighten his paths will die. For if keeping the mitzvos leads to the preservation of the soul, despising the mitzvos leads to the destruction of the soul. Rabbeinu Yonah emphasizes: There is more hope - that is, an advantage - for one who sins and fails to keep a mitzvah than for one who is contemptuous. Why? Because when a person is overcome by his evil inclination, the Holy One, blessed be He, is patient with him, for perhaps tomorrow he will succeed in overcoming his inclination; today the inclination prevailed over him, tomorrow he will prevail over the inclination. This applies to someone who is still fighting. But there is a person who has already thrown up his hands, and worse yet - he imagines he has nothing at all to rectify in his character traits and ways. You know these types: "This is who I am, take me or leave me," "That is how I am, so do not upset me, because when I get angry you do not want to be around." This person does not even think that he needs to straighten his ways.
That person does not believe his character trait is flawed; he tells you: This person has one nature and that person has another, this is my nature, that is it, this is who I am. And regarding this, Rabbeinu Yonah says that he is mistaken to think that the harm of character traits comes only from the actions they produce. That is, he assumes: If I have a bad trait, it is no big deal; as long as I did not do anything bad, do not say a word to me. Was I angry at you? Yes. Did I hit you? No. So keep quiet. In his view, the bad trait itself is not negative. "Just because I am greedy - from whom did I steal? You are right, I have the trait of greed and lust for money, but I did not harm anyone."
Rabbeinu Yonah says: This person is mistaken, and will die without hope since he fails to recognize the evil of bad character traits. And why? "Because it is impossible for one who possesses bad traits to escape corrupt deeds." Listen to this profound point: one cannot separate a bad character trait from a bad action, for inevitably, the possessor of a bad trait will be led by it to commit a bad action. A jealous person will inevitably harm his fellow. An angry person will inevitably hurt someone, whether physically, or by shaming him, insulting him, or yelling at him. An arrogant person - one cannot say, "That is my own personal business"; inevitably you will hurt someone, treat him with arrogance, speak to him impatiently and disrespectfully. A greedy person will inevitably come to take from what belongs to his fellow, because he covets it and has no means to pay, and will harm his fellow's property. One cannot say, "I have a bad trait that is never put into practice"; when a bad trait exists, it will erupt somewhere and translate into action.
Furthermore, know that bad character traits are abominable in and of themselves, even if you were to claim that you never put them into practice. From where do we know this? The Torah writes, "Do not steal" - that is an action. But how do we know that the trait itself is negative? From explicit verses: "Every arrogant heart is an abomination to Hashem" - even if he did not harm a soul, arrogance is negative in its very essence. "Lying lips are an abomination to Hashem" - including what people today call a "white lie," which harmed no one and did no damage. And by the way, why is it called a "white lie" (in Hebrew, a "Lavan lie")? Because Lavan the Aramean started these tactics; it is Lavan's lie! Likewise, "Do not covet" - the Torah forbids the coveting itself; the very desire to do wrong is a negative thing in and of itself. This is what Rabbeinu Yonah concludes: Scripture informs us here that there is no hope for one who despises his ways. One who possesses bad character traits has no hope, and he is worse than someone who occasionally neglects a mitzvah - for the negative trait is evil in itself, and will inevitably produce negative outcomes as well.
The Vilna Gaon explains: The primary purpose of the mitzvos is for the life of the World to Come; there, the mitzvos guard a person so that he does not fall into the pit and is saved from Gehinnom. "He who keeps a mitzvah guards his soul" - not his body, but his soul. Do you want to guard your soul from descending into the pit? Fulfill the mitzvos of Hashem, which are the garments through which one merits Gan Eden. By contrast, "he who despises his ways" refers to the conduct of character traits, and this pertains more to this world: one whose character traits are contemptible suffers here in this life, to the point that it can even lead to his death. For if a person acts with bad traits, he will inevitably quarrel with people, generate arguments, and cause someone to become angry with him and even murder him - meaning he shortens his days through his bad traits. "He who despises his ways" applies to the matters of this world, and "shall die" in this world; "he who keeps a mitzvah" applies to the matters of the World to Come, and "guards his soul" in the World to Come.
The Malbim explains: Two paths stand before man - "See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil... and you shall choose life." This is the Torah's command, that a person should choose the good path. However, sometimes a person does not know which path to follow; there is a way that appears straight to him, but in the end it is full of pitfalls. What should he do? He should heed the voice of Hashem's mitzvos, see what Hashem commands to do - "walk in this way," for it is the straight path, and through it you will guard your soul.
However, a person who says, "No one knows what is right and what is wrong; I follow what my conscience tells me, what my heart tells me" - this is "he who despises his ways," one who follows the despicable paths of his heart. For after what is he following? After his heart's desires; in essence, he does whatever he feels like doing, and even convinces himself that he is fine: "You religious people, someone else tells you how to behave; I am an independent thinker, I do not take orders from others, and whatever I consider moral, that is what I do." More than that, he feels he is more moral than you: "You gave charity because the Torah told you to give, whereas I gave charity because I understand morally that one should help a fellow human being." Look how far the yetzer hara deceives a person, making him confident that what he does is more genuine, because for him it stems from within, while for you it comes from a command.
And in truth, does the heart draw toward good or toward evil? "For the inclination of man's heart is evil from his youth." And if you leave man as he is - what will become of him? "A wild donkey's colt is born a man." When a person is born from his mother's womb, he emerges wild; leave him on his own - he remains wild, and a wild creature does not learn. Therefore, someone who says, "On my own I will behave properly without Torah," walks in the despicable ways of his heart - and will suffer spiritual death. According to the Malbim, "will die" here does not refer to physical death as the Gra explains, but rather to the death of the soul.
Do you want to know how to choose the good and how to do good? You must accept a Divine command. This is why we say that at Mount Sinai an anach (a plumb line) came down - "Anochi Hashem Elokecha" ("I am the Lord your God"). An anach is a ruler, a measuring tool, a level against which you must constantly check yourself: do I measure up to this plumb line or not? For if a person decides morality for himself - a point that has been emphasized time and again - the greatest villains in history were convinced that they were moral, and woe to the world if man defines morality. Rather, whoever wants to be a guardian of his soul, choosing only the good, avoiding perilous pitfalls, and not choosing death - must be a "keeper of the commandment": whatever Hashem commanded to do will certainly lead to good, because Hashem commanded it, and the Holy One, blessed be He, desires only our best and knows what is truly good. Thus, one who keeps the commandment unquestionably guards his soul; whereas one who despises His ways, walking in the corrupt paths of his own heart, will ultimately suffer spiritual death, because our innate pull is naturally toward evil.
These four verses trace a single theme: what sustains a person and what brings him down. A foolish son coupled with the contentions of a wife - grief mounts both inside the home and outside it. A house and wealth can be inherited from parents, but an intelligent, capable wife - who preserves that wealth and guides the household with wisdom - is a gift from Hashem alone. Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, in livelihood and in Torah alike, and deceit is even worse: the sluggard at least sleeps and does not feel his hunger, whereas the deceitful person remains awake and starving. And the conclusion: "He who keeps the commandment guards his soul" - man cannot determine what is good on his own; he must walk by the light of the Divine commandment. And one who despises his ways and character traits, which are both intrinsically corrupt and bound to lead to evil deeds - will ultimately perish, in this world and in the World to Come.