Introduction
In this part of the chapter, we focus on two matters upon which a person's entire life depends: the power of speech and the power of understanding (binah) on the one hand, and finding a good wife on the other. King Solomon teaches us that the tongue is an instrument through which one can attain eternal life or bring about death, and that the ultimate good a person finds in this world is neither wealth nor honor, but a good wife. Let us proceed through the verses in order.
"From the Fruit of a Man's Mouth" - Chochmah, Da'at, and Binah
מִפְּרִי פִי־אִישׁ תִּשְׂבַּע בִּטְנוֹ תְּבוּאַת שְׂפָתָיו יִשְׂבָּע׃ - From the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach is satisfied; with the produce of his lips he will be sated.
מָוֶת וְחַיִּים בְּיַד־לָשׁוֹן וְאֹהֲבֶיהָ יֹאכַל פִּרְיָהּ׃ - Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
The Malbim explains that the "tongue" here refers to binah (understanding) - kneading the concepts, contemplating them, and delving deeply into them. In simple terms: through binah and deep reflection, one arrives at the conclusion of faith. Therefore, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue": if a person does not contemplate properly, he may end up falling into heresy, whose end is eternal death. But if he approaches it correctly - life, he will acquire eternal life. One who walks in a perverse way, denying Hashem's existence and denying reward and punishment, Heaven forbid "will eat its fruit" - its bitter fruit. And one who believes in Hashem will eat its good fruit.
From this, the Malbim draws a wonderful distinction. In the previous verse, which speaks of chochmah (wisdom) and da'at (knowledge) - "mouth" representing chochmah and "lips" representing da'at - the terminology of satiety is used: "his stomach is satisfied," "with the produce of his lips he will be sated." Yet here, regarding the tongue, which represents binah, it does not say that one will be sated, but rather "will eat its fruit." What is the difference? Chochmah is finite - what has been handed down to you is what exists. Da'at means that through wisdom you reached a very high level of grasp, delving into it and understanding it thoroughly. But binah has no limits whatsoever, for its essence is to deduce one thing from another. Therefore, one cannot speak of satiety regarding binah; for having delved into the subject, one discovers yet another layer of meaning, another insight, and deeper depth.
This is the nature of binah: to delve into matters and understand one thing from another, to discover something more, another novel Torah insight (chiddush). To study a Talmudic topic that you have already learned many times, and strive to find a new approach, a fresh understanding, an additional perspective - and how wonderful it is when you draw up more diamonds from the depths. Of this it is said, "and those who love it will eat its fruit": he will eat and eat and eat and never be sated, because this is neither chochmah nor da'at, but binah, and in binah, the more you learn and contemplate, the more further insights you will derive.
The Torah Has No Limits
When we reflect upon it, we see that it must be so. When a mortal human being writes something, what he writes reflects his wisdom and his human limitations. It is true that the Rambam explicitly writes that one should not read his words superficially, but should delve deeply and contemplate them extensively, because he wrote concisely intending to encapsulate many matters - and indeed, the Rambam's work is among those with the greatest number of commentators uncovering depths in his words, as is the case with Rashi and all the early authorities. Even so, this is still flesh and blood.
By way of secular contrast, it is told that cultural figures once held regular "Oneg Shabbat" gatherings: people would gather, read poetry, and discuss intellectual ideas - and even from this, one can see the spiritual and cultural decline of the generations in general society; once, educated people enjoyed gathering to listen to poetry, whereas today people are preoccupied with the nonsense of TV series, reality shows, and video games. People have become shallow. At any rate, at one of those gatherings, someone stood up and explained that Nachman Bialik wrote such-and-such, but in his opinion, he secretly intended this and that profound meaning. Bialik himself was sitting there and remarked to him, "Is that so? I had no idea; did I really intend all of that?" Such is the nature of flesh and blood: whatever one writes is limited by human boundaries.
But the Creator of the Universe - is He limited? Certainly not. Therefore, the Torah is limitless. As deeply as you delve and contemplate, everything is already contained within it. Whatever an insightful, seasoned student is destined to innovate was already included in what Hashem said. And if you should ask: "Did Hashem really intend this as well?" - Hashem is infinite, and since He is not limited, He already knows what you are destined to say. And once you speak words of truth, where did you draw them from? You drew them from the root of your soul, from the Supernal Source. It turns out that binah is entirely Torah, for its essence is deep contemplation within the text, drawing forth yet another chiddush, another layer of understanding, and another depth. And of this, one is never sated - he will eat and eat and eat, and never be full.
Rashi and Rabbeinu Yonah: One Who Loves to Speak
Rashi explains "and those who love it shall eat its fruit" - one who loves his tongue and accustoms it to speak words of Torah eats its reward in this world. According to Rashi, the verse refers to this world: one who perseveres in Torah study and reaches an elevated level in Torah receives his reward already here, over and above what is promised to him in the World to Come.
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: one who loves the tongue, meaning a person who always desires to speak, should strive to speak words for which he will receive reward. The Chofetz Chaim was famously a very talkative person; one could never walk with him in silence. At first glance this seems surprising, for this is not usually the way of the wise. With a wise person, you often see that ninety percent of the time he is silent. "A coin in a jug makes a loud rattling sound" - an empty jar with a single coin makes a lot of noise, but a jar full of coins remains silent; you hear nothing from it.
There are people who talk incessantly: you meet someone, and within thirty seconds you know his entire life story. It has been observed that when someone pours out everything he knows in five minutes - a Midrash, a piece of Gemara, a detail here and there - one comes to the conclusion that this is all he knows, and that is it. But a truly learned person feels no need to constantly tell you what he knows. Then, suddenly, it becomes clear: he has mastered this subject as well? I had no idea. He is versed in Kabbalah? I did not know. He understands the calculations of the calendar? I had no idea. A wise person is usually quiet and does not constantly put himself on display.
If so, why did the Chofetz Chaim speak so much? When asked, he replied: "I authored a book called Shemirat HaLashon, and people say that after studying it, one must cut out his tongue and remain silent his entire life - this is lashon hara, that is gossip, that is a trace of slander, that is hurtful speech, involving so many negative commandments and positive commandments." The Chofetz Chaim said: "I want to prove that this claim is baseless. A person can speak constantly without falling silent for a moment, yet never utter a word of lashon hara, derogatory speech, or any forbidden talk" - and he testified about himself that he had never spoken lashon hara.
This is what Rabbeinu Yonah means: one who loves to speak should look for good things to discuss - words of Torah, praise, speech that brings benefit to others, words of peace, and words of truth. Then "those who love it shall eat its fruit." The tongue is a factory that produces diamonds. But if a person loves to talk and directs this tendency into negative channels, the tongue becomes a factory that produces bombs: with his words he causes damage here and sorrow there. Slander is weighed against the three cardinal sins - idolatry, illicit relations, and bloodshed - and "in a multitude of words, transgression does not cease."
One can see this tangibly. A person with an eloquent and sharp tongue might become a lecturer, earning thousands of mitzvot every day; yet with those very same talents, he could have been a successful radio host or media personality. Speech is an instrument, and the question is what one does with that instrument: does one take it and use it as a consuming sword, or use it to revive souls? "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."
The Vilna Gaon: If You Are Wise, You Are Wise for Yourself
The Vilna Gaon explains: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" - the study of Torah equals all other mitzvot, as it is written, "for it is your life." The opposite of Torah study is bittul Torah, idle talk, and mockery. "And those who love it shall eat its fruit" - everything depends on what you love. If you love Torah, which is the Torah of life and is your life, you will eat its fruit and possess eternal life. And if you speak idle words, mockery, and slander, you will eat its fruit, the very fruit produced by those words.
The Vilna Gaon further explains based on the verse, "If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, and if you mock, you alone shall bear it": even if you taught students, you alone will receive your share of life, and also corresponding to their share. That is, one who teaches others merits to have a share in everything they learn.
Someone once asked regarding recorded Torah classes: "Sell the discs for ten or fifteen shekels; why sell them for only three? Such an amount does not respect the product." The answer given was: "They were originally sold for a single shekel, and raising the price to three was only because one shekel seemed disrespectful. If they are sold for ten, only ten percent will buy them. There is no intention of making money from this - every coin that comes in goes toward producing other discs. What, then, is gained? Only one thing: if someone listens to a class, that merit stands for eternity. The goal is not to make more money, but to gain another merit: another person listens - another merit; yet another person listens - another merit." A person must realize that he receives a share corresponding to others: if through you someone performed a mitzvah, if you said something that inspired him and caused him to take care and be meticulous, that is your reward, and it endures forever - you receive both your share and his.
However, "and if you mock, you alone shall bear it": do not say that if you engaged in mockery within a group, the sin will be divided among everyone. Not at all - you alone shall bear it. Furthermore, it works exactly as it does with Torah, only in reverse: in Torah, whoever learned from you brings you a share of his reward; in mockery, whoever joined in mockery because of you brings you a share in his punishment as well. Therefore, we find that for a person who was wicked, even if he repented, it is very difficult to enter Gan Eden afterward. Why? Because he is told: "Will you be in Gan Eden while your disciples are in Gehinom?" All those whom he caused to sin will claim that he corrupted them. He is told: "You were their teacher here in this world; be their teacher there as well." How terrifying. This is what is written here: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" - if you used it for words of Torah, you have life, both yours and theirs; and if it was used for mockery, God forbid, you bring death, both yours and theirs.
"He Who Finds a Wife Finds Good"
מָצָא אִשָּׁה מָצָא טוֹב וַיָּפֶק רָצוֹן מֵיְהֹוָה׃ - He who finds a wife finds good, and obtains favor from Hashem.
Rashi explains: "He who finds a wife" - he has found good, he has found Torah; and according to its plain meaning, a good wife. According to the Midrash, King Solomon, as we saw in the introduction, addresses spiritual matters throughout, and everything is allegorical. When he speaks of the evil woman who seduces a person, he refers to external philosophies and secular disciplines that entice and pull him toward evil; while the good woman who draws him toward good is the holy Torah, which is in the aspect of a woman. And this is "he who finds a wife": one who finds the fitting wife, which is the Torah, "finds good."
This is why it is often explained that your second match is your wife, and your first match is the Torah. One need not say this out loud at home, but the principle is clear: where does one invest more? In the first match, which comes first. In simple terms, if there is a conflict between the first match and the second match, one goes with the first match. When there is a dispute over whether he should go learn or not go learn, here he must not listen to his wife if it could lead him to ruin. Of course, in every matter one must hear both sides, consider the options, and consult a talmid chacham; but if ultimately the demand is that he not go learn, here he certainly should not obey. You have a first match, and that is the holy Torah. "And obtains favor from Hashem" - through this, Hashem fulfills your desire, for you are doing His will and engaging in Torah.
Yet Rashi adds, "according to its plain meaning, a good wife," and there is no need to get lost in homiletic interpretations, since the simple meaning is understood by everyone: one who finds a wife has unquestionably found good, and through this, "he obtains favor from Hashem" - he is better able to fulfill the will of Hashem. By contrast, when one has a difficult wife, where everything turns into fighting and arguments, he cannot fulfill the will of Hashem properly, has no one to encourage him in his service of Hashem, and it is certainly far harder for him to gain Hashem's favor.
Rabbeinu Yonah: The Only Good Free of Harm
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: worldly success - wealth, serenity, and honor - is often an illusory success. For a moment it seems you are riding high and everything is wonderful, but ultimately all you have may have been for the worse. "He who trusts in his wealth shall fall" - here is wealth that works to a person's detriment. The same is true of honor: everyone respects and admires him, and because of this his heart becomes arrogant, which becomes the very cause of his downfall - "and your heart will become haughty and you will forget Hashem your God," "everyone proud of heart is an abomination to Hashem."
Make no mistake: wealth and honor are seemingly good things, and we even pray for them - "and grant us to welcome Shabbos with great joy, and with wealth and honor, and with few sins." The Holy One, blessed be He, Himself promises Avraham, "and I will make your name great," and promises him wealth. Thus, wealth and honor are in a sense positive. However, they have an Achilles' heel: at their end there may lurk negativity, and ultimately harm can emerge from them. But one for whom the Holy One, blessed be He, has provided a good wife - "he obtains favor from Hashem": benefit without harm, good without evil. "A woman of valor is the crown of her husband," "and a prudent wife is from Hashem," "her price is far beyond pearls." Did he who found wealth find good? Not necessarily. Did he who found honor find good? Not necessarily. But he who found a wife found good, with absolute certainty. That is the greatest good of all.
Consuming One's World in This Lifetime
There are even those who worry that someone who has a good wife might have consumed his portion of the World to Come in his lifetime - said to comfort anyone who feels this verse does not apply to him! For there is truly nothing better for a person than a good wife. They tell of a man who lived with his wife like two lovebirds - peaceful as doves - and she honored him to the highest degree. One day he heard a sermon warning that such a person might receive his reward entirely in this world, and he panicked. He said to his wife: "What will become of me? Here life is so wonderful, but what will I have there?" She was such a good wife that she decided to divorce him and find him someone willing to make his life miserable, so that he would merit the World to Come. She inquired among matchmakers and found the shrew of the town, a woman who had already driven six husbands to the grave; there were few suitors lined up for her, and she agreed to marry him. He divorced his wife and married her.
A first day passed, a second, a third, and he waited for plates to start flying across the house as in the terrifying tales he had heard - yet she was gentle as a kitten, almost like his first wife. After a month, he wondered whether there had been a misunderstanding. He asked her, "Tell me, is it true what they said about you, that you are terrifying and lethal?" She replied, "Do you think I haven't heard? Do you think I don't know what you are planning? You want to reach Gan Eden on my back? Never in your life will you get that!" An ill-tempered woman remains an ill-tempered woman; she simply changes how she expresses it. In any event, one must know that through enduring such hardship a person merits Gan Eden, for one who endured Gehinnom here does not suffer twice, and when he arrives Above, Gan Eden awaits him.
They also tell of a man who arrived in Heaven and saw two lines: those whose wives ruled over them in the right-hand line, and those who ruled over their wives in the left-hand line. Like everyone else, he headed to the right-hand line. Suddenly, he spotted Moshe, the timid weakling of the neighborhood, standing in the left-hand line. He chuckled to himself and asked, "Moshe, what are you doing over there? That is the line for men who ruled over their wives!" Moshe answered, "I really don't know what to tell you; my wife told me to stand here, so here I stood."
"Matza" or "Motzei"
The Gemara relates that in Nehardea, when someone got married, people would ask him: "Matza or motzei?" That is, to which category do you belong - "He who has found [matza] a wife has found good," or "And I find [motzei] more bitter than death the woman"? Why is the past tense used here, "matza" (found), while there the present tense is used, "motzei" (finds)?
The Vilna Gaon explains: it is human nature to grow accustomed to good very quickly. Two weeks after buying a new car, the excitement fades, and you are already looking at which new models have come out. By contrast, a bad situation is like a continuous leak that gives you no rest, and you constantly search for ways to escape it; it is difficult for a person to get used to suffering. Therefore, "He who has found a wife" - when did he find her? Twenty years ago when he got married, and he has long since grown used to it: this is life, and Baruch Hashem. But for one whose wife is more bitter than death, each time anew "I find more bitter than death the woman," for the grievance disturbs him again and again - an inventive misery that he encounters anew every day.
Others explain differently: one man marries and finds his wife, and from then on, "Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the innermost parts of your house" - truly wonderful. But another is constantly "finding" her: once at the mall, once at her friends, once at her parents - never at home, and he has to track her down anew all the time. That is "motzei ani," and that is more bitter than death.
Another explanation: the verse says, "He who has found isha (a woman)" without the definite article hei, whereas by contrast it says, "And I find more bitter than death ha'isha (the woman)" - with the definite article hei. If she is an ordinary woman, modest and quiet without grand pretensions, that is wonderful. But if you married someone with an inflated ego, "the" woman who must give you orders, who places herself above you and treats you as a nobody, that is more bitter than death.
There is also an explanation based on gematria: ish (man) has a numerical value of 311, and isha (woman) is 306, while ha'isha (the woman) equals 311, just like ish. "He who has found isha" - you are 311 and she is 306, in keeping with the Rabbinic maxim, "Descend a step and take a wife," marrying a woman whose status is slightly lower, and regarding this it is said, "he has found good." A man should marry a woman slightly below him so that she will look up to him and respect him. But "I find ha'isha" - she is at his exact level (311), does not feel she needs to take direction from him, and does not view him as the leader of the home; then life becomes a constant dispute. In a home, one must recognize: there is a husband and there is a wife, a king and a queen, but the king sets the tone.
It is a fundamental rule: if a wife treats her husband like a king, she will be a queen; if she treats him like a rag, she will at most be a bucket. The same holds true for the husband: if you treat your wife like a maidservant, you will be like a slave; if you honor her like a queen, you will be like a king. The honor a person gives is the honor he receives.
"And a Woman Among All These I Have Not Found"
It is asked: you say, "He who has found a wife has found good," yet elsewhere it is written, "One man among a thousand I have found, but a woman among all these I have not found" - one virtuous man among a thousand I found, but not one virtuous woman. And this was said by Shlomo, who had a veritable doctorate on the subject, having married a thousand wives; he certainly knew what he was talking about.
This seems even more difficult, for it is also written: "Many daughters have done valiantly, but you have surpassed them all" - implying that he did find exceptional virtue in one! Some answer playfully: this is how the passage should be read, "Many daughters have done valiantly, but you have surpassed them all" - followed immediately by, "Grace is false and beauty is vain"; so it is not to be taken too seriously.
There is another explanation, also offered in good humor: when a young man enters the shidduch scene, he is adorned with every crown - the star of the yeshiva, a brilliant scholar, everything one could dream of. Someone once asked Rav Kahaneman, "Who is the prodigy of Ponevezh?" He replied: "I do not know, let us wait until this evening and see who gets engaged today, and then I will know." For whoever gets engaged is hailed as the prodigy! The same is true of a girl in shidduchim: she is kindhearted and extraordinary, a wonderful baker and beautiful, having every virtue. Afterward, one suddenly sees that reality does not quite match the glowing reports, and it turns out she is not the prize he had imagined. That is the meaning of "Many daughters have done valiantly" - as long as they are unmarried daughters, they are all righteous, God-fearing, and sweet-natured. But when it comes to a married woman, then "I find more bitter than death the woman," and "A woman among all these I have not found" - finding that exceptional woman is far harder and more elusive.
The Vilna Gaon: Torah, Prayer, and Good Deeds
The Vilna Gaon interprets the entire verse allegorically: "He who has found a wife" refers to good deeds, which are compared to a wife; some explain it as referring to good character traits, and others explain it as referring to the mitzvot. One who possesses good deeds, good character traits, or mitzvot and the service of Hashem falls under the category of "He who has found a wife." "Has found good" refers to the Torah, as it is written, "For I have given you a good doctrine," and there is no good other than Torah. "And obtains favor from Hashem" refers to prayer, for how does one obtain favor from Hashem? Through supplication and prayer, asking that He fulfill his requests. Thus, we have here Torah, prayer, and good deeds.
The Ralbag: The Soul Serving the Intellect
The Ralbag explains that "He who has found a wife" means that the soul's faculties achieve the status of a wife who serves her husband and loves him, serving the intellect with all their might. The intellect is what we rationally understand ought to be done - and intellectually, we are all completely righteous. Our entire problem is that our desires, aspirations, and passions pull in other directions; but intellectually, anyone who has learned even a little is fully righteous and thoroughly knowledgeable, knowing very well how things ought to be.
And who is a person of elevated stature? One whose soulish faculties are subservient to his intellect. For nefesh (soul) denotes desire - as in "if it is your desire (nafshechem)," and "if a soul (nefesh) sins," meaning that his desire was drawn toward sin. Thus, "He who has found a wife" means that the soul functions like a wife, and he has found her in such a state that her entire focus, aim, and desire is to fulfill the will of the intellect, which leads and understands what must be done. This is "has found good," for through this he attains his perfection.
However, one who has not found a wife may possess vast amounts of knowledge, but he has no one to talk to: his soul harbors different ambitions and desires, and does whatever it pleases. Such a person has found evil, having failed to establish the rule of the intellect over that rebellious wife. But if he has found a wife where the soul is truly prepared, where the will is submissive to the will of the intellect and follows its direction - that is the ultimate good, and through this he will elicit and attain the favor and providence of the Creator of the world.
The Malbim: That She Too Wants Him
The Malbim offers a novel interpretation: "He who has found a wife" means that from his perspective he found a good woman whom he desires; "and obtains favor (ratzon)" means that she too desires him, and that is from Hashem. The first stage is when a person says: this is the woman I am interested in, she is good for me. The second stage is when she too decides that he is good for her. For many shidduchim do not come to fruition simply because only one side is interested while the other is unwilling.
This is like the matchmaker who came to propose to the town pauper that his son marry Rothschild's daughter. The pauper said: What kind of question is that, Rothschild's daughter! The matchmaker replied: Fine. The pauper asked: Wait, is there really something to discuss? The matchmaker told him: Look, we already have one side, now let us approach the other side. Half the shidduch is already done! It turns out that it is not enough for you to be interested; the other side must want it as well. And that is the continuation of the verse, "and obtains favor (ratzon)" - that you succeeded in eliciting willingness (ratzon) from the other side as well, so that the woman also desires the match and considers it good for her. And then, "from Hashem" - this occurs through Divine providence. Indeed, a shidduch is never made without mutual willingness and consent, nor is a shidduch ever forced; the moment there is mutual willingness, with each side feeling that this is the best for them, one can know that it is from Hashem.
And as is well known, the Chazon Ish was once asked where one can perceive the hand of Hashem in our generation, and he answered: in matters of shidduchim. That is where one can clearly see Divine providence even in our day. There are endless stories of couples who became engaged when there had seemed to be no natural chance that they would ever meet.
One example: a young man arrived for a date at the girl's parents' home, wearing a tie, knocked on the door, and asked: Is this the Cohen family? The homeowner understood immediately; seeing his attire, he realized the young man was likely looking for the Cohen family living upstairs - knowing that they, too, had a daughter in shidduchim - and said to him: No, there is another Cohen family above me, go up to them. The young man went upstairs, but the first father had seen him, exchanged a couple of words with him, and liked him. Two days after the date ended, he ran into Mr. Cohen from upstairs and asked him: You had a date at your home on such-and-such day, right? The young man made a mistake and came to my door first. How did it work out? The upstairs neighbor replied: It did not work out; they are not suited for each other and are not continuing. The first father asked: Do you have the matchmaker's phone number? He received the number, suggested his own daughter, both sides looked into it, a date was arranged this time in his home - and it led to a wedding! A Jew does not take a wrong turn: if he knocked here, Heaven intended for him to reach here. There are entire books on Divine providence filled with astonishing, unbelievable occurrences - how Heaven orchestrates for a person precisely whom he is meant to marry, through apparent mistakes that suddenly turn out to be the very catalyst for the match. There are no mistakes; everything is from Him, blessed be He. Therefore, says the Malbim: when you see that one has "found a wife" and she too draws favor from him, know that this is through Divine providence.
In summary:
Two portals have opened before us here. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" - the tongue represents understanding, from which one can eat and eat without ever becoming sated, because understanding has no boundary and Torah is limitless; and whoever loves to speak should channel that love into words of Torah and positive speech, for the tongue is a tool with which one can produce diamonds or produce bombs, and the reward of teachers and the punishment of scoffers belong not only to them but also to their students. And "He who has found a wife has found good" - wealth and honor are not absolute goods, whereas a good wife offers benefit without harm; and on a deeper level, "wife" refers to the Torah, the mitzvot, good character traits, and the faculties of the soul subservient to the intellect. And when there is mutual desire on both sides - "and obtains favor from Hashem," which comes about through Divine providence from Him, blessed be He.