Introduction
We continue in chapter 18 of Mishlei, in the series of verses dealing with the destructive power of speech. Having seen the core of the Malbim's explanation in the preceding verses, we will focus here on two verses: "A fool's mouth is his ruin" - the fool's mouth is the greatest source of his terrors; and "The words of a talebearer are like sweet morsels" - the figure of the chronic complainer, who constantly gripes against his fellow man and against the Creator of the world.
"A Fool's Mouth Is His Ruin" - When the Mouth Itself Is the Fear
פִּי־כְסִיל מְחִתָּה־לוֹ וּשְׂפָתָיו מוֹקֵשׁ נַפְשׁוֹ׃ (ז) - A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are the snare of his soul.
What is the meaning of mechitah ("ruin" or "terror")? Rabbeinu Yonah explains that mechitah denotes fear and dread, as in the phrase "Al tira ve'al techat" - do not dread them, do not be afraid. According to this: "The meaning is that the fool fears his own mouth just as he fears his enemies." Astounding words! The fool is terrified of his own mouth just as a person fears his enemies. And why? "Because his mouth is not under his control; since he has trained his lips to speak without deliberation and thought, damage and stumbling constantly befall him through his words."
This is a very common situation. There are people whose greatest fear is the moment of speech, and if not theirs, then that of their advisers. The advisers tell him: you do not give interviews at all. Why? Because across from your mouth sits someone with a microphone, and you lose control. Suddenly you blurt out nonsense, offend all kinds of audiences, and afterward you have to put out fires, explain that your words were taken out of context, and issue clarifications that this was not what you meant. What terrifies him most? His own mouth. Because once he starts talking, he does not know what will come out; his mouth is out of his control, he gets carried away by his tongue and says things that cause him immense damage. This is "A fool's mouth is his ruin" - and why? "And his lips are the snare of his soul": whatever leaves his lips turns into a landmine, and afterward he has to figure out how to defuse these mines.
This happens all the time with interviewees. During the interview itself he is relaxed, open, and everything seems fine, but afterward he is furious at the article. Why? Because he slipped one sentence into his remarks, and the reporter recognized the explosive mine in that single sentence and turned it into the headline. The moment it became a headline, he was completely ensnared. Nobody pays attention to what he actually said as a whole anymore; everyone fixated on that one sentence, in which he attacked someone or from which something disparaging was implied, causing terrible damage.
This happened years ago with Rabbi Fanger, a God-fearing and righteous Jew. In an interview, he was discussing methods of outreach and teshuvah, and they asked him about someone else whose approach to outreach was different, asking whether he endorsed that method. He replied: No, that is not my approach at all; my way is different. Immediately the headline blared, "Rabbi Fanger Against So-and-So," creating an enormous uproar. The poor man never intended that at all, and he even apologized afterward; anyone who knows him knows that he is a golden soul, a truly exceptional individual. Someone seized one phrase from his remarks and immediately "determined" that he was opposed. If you listen to his words in context, you realize that was not the direction at all. But when someone wants to extract something from you, they will pick out a sentence with tweezers, and you cannot tell them "I never said it" - they will claim they quoted you verbatim. That may be true, but you excised a sentence from an entire statement, from a complete story, and you omitted the tone and melody in which the words were spoken. It is hard to put newspaper print to music. The reporter pastes the sentence there, and it is over. Afterward, go try to retract your words. Only in the Knesset can one strike remarks from the protocol; everywhere else, whatever left your mouth will stand against you. That is why a suspect is warned upon detention: anything you say can and will be used against you. Be careful; from this moment on, guard your mouth.
When the Journalist Creates the News
Sometimes journalists believe their role is to create the news. There was once a wave of fires in Eilat, in hotels and other locations, and what turned out to be the case? The fire correspondent himself had set the fires! A reporter for a local newspaper was always dispatched to cover the blazes, and people noticed that he was always at the right place at the exact right moment. They put him under surveillance and discovered that he was igniting the fires and immediately calling in the news crews. At times, lives were endangered: a hotel fire, chaos, sirens, television cameras, people evacuated from rooms, cherry pickers - and he had himself a sensational story with vivid photographs. But how many people were endangered, and how much damage was caused? It did not matter; all that counted were the ratings.
And do not think this was an isolated incident. At the beginning of the intifada, as is well known, there were journalists who paid children to throw stones. Why? So there would be action, something to film. He needed to broadcast a dramatic report on the evening news; so clashes began, tear gas and rubber bullets were fired, and suddenly there was footage to broadcast - providing the public with its pound of flesh. Otherwise, what would you film, calm people? That is not news; that does not sell. Sadly, instead of merely reporting, they become instigators of the news. The more provocative a statement you uncover and the more waves you make, the higher the ratings climb. But what have you done? You provoked conflict, pitted communities against one another, and sowed hatred and discord. "What do I care? I can stir up a storm here; how can I just sit on the sidelines?" Sometimes people justify this as "our job" - but your job is not to cause strife, nor is it to multiply contention and dispute.
It is told of one of the great Torah leaders of Israel - either the Netziv or the Malbim - who was traveling on a train when a journalist, of the sort who constantly disparaged Torah scholars, sat beside him and tried to mock the rabbi: "Where is a journalist hinted at in the Torah?" The rabbi replied: "A journalist? That is written explicitly in the Torah!" He asked: "Where?" The rabbi said: "It is written that two he-goats were taken, one designated by lot for Hashem and the other for Azazel. And by whose hand was the goat for Azazel dispatched? 'Be-yad ish iti' - by the hand of an appointed man. And what is an ish iti? A chronicler of events, a journalist (itonai)! And why specifically him? Because what is sent away on the scapegoat? All the iniquities of Israel. And who is an expert in all the sins and faults of Israel and makes his living off them? The ish iti, the journalist. And both of them are sent off to Azazel, into the wilderness." That is the answer to those who make their livelihood from controversy, hatred, and stirring up contention.
The Malbim's Explanation: The Snare Precedes the Ruin
The Malbim explains that mechitah means shattering or ruin, and that the snare (mokesh) precedes the ruin. This is clear, because in biblical Hebrew a mokesh is not an explosive landmine as we know it today, but an obstacle a person stumbles over - a hazard against which a person knocks or strikes himself (like doors knocking against one another). Thus, first he trips over the snare, and following that comes the mechitah, the shattering. So too, "Do not fear and do not be dismayed [techat]" means do not be broken; and "made without fear [chat]" means unbreakable.
According to this, the Malbim explains the verse: with his lips, which are external, he sets a snare for himself and causes his soul to be trapped in a fowler's snare - that is, to descend into the pit of destruction; and with his mouth, which represents internal speech grounded in wisdom, he completes his fall, bringing ruin upon his physical body as well. The resulting principle: when a person speaks improperly and unworthily, he harms both body and soul. The external lips initiate the downfall - this is the snare to his soul, even affecting his life in the World to Come; and the internal mouth finishes it - "is his ruin."
The Words of a Grumbler - The Portrait of a Chronic Complainer
דִּבְרֵי נִרְגָּן כְּמִתְלַהֲמִים וְהֵם יָרְדוּ חַדְרֵי־בָטֶן׃ (ח) - The words of a grumbler are like blows, and they descend into the innermost chambers of the belly. (8)
Rashi explains that mitlahamim is related to mahalumot, heavy blows. The words of a grumbler are like physical blows; sometimes a person just wants to cover his ears, as hearing him is like enduring sonic booms.
And what is a nirgan? Rabbeinu Yonah writes: "A nirgan is a master of complaint." Notice the precision - he claims ownership over complaining. "Who constantly complains about his peers and catches them in their words and actions" - people are always doing things to him, taking his food, taking his drink, harming him, plotting against him. Everyone recognizes this: in almost every family there is a child who fits this grumbling archetype. Listening to a chronic complainer makes one's head explode; it is impossible to manage, he constantly has grievances, his mouth is filled with retorts like a pomegranate with seeds, he has objections to everything, and nothing is ever good enough for him.
The Mistake of Appeasing the Complainer
The greatest trouble arises when one tries to appease the complainer. What have you accomplished by doing that? You have amplified his urge to grumble twofold, because he sees that it works: you complain, and you receive. There are people like this: a person arrives at a hotel and searches for something to complain about, looking for an unwashed fork just so they will tell him, "Take another night at fifty percent off"; at a restaurant, something is always wrong so that he gets a free dessert on the house. And he feels righteous about it. He will search high and low, and if he finds nothing, he will even engineer a problem, just so they give him something and he takes it.
And if such a character is cultivated at home, woe to you and woe to your soul. For such a person is never satisfied, and he sees that whenever he cries, he gets his way. But if one refuses to get rattled - fine, let him cry and complain, there is no point in trying to placate him. You establish from the outset: I will give him what he needs; each child will receive what he needs, when he needs it. And as for the one who always complains - disregard it, he will complain regardless. By defusing it in advance, he comes to understand that all this whining gets him nowhere. But if he is constantly appeased - he complains that something was bought for someone else and demands one too, that someone else was given something and demands it too, always whining that "I was poured the least" - and you pour him more, you have only fueled his complaints.
An effective rule to establish at home is: whoever complains about why others were given more has his portion taken and given to the others. Once that rule is clear, no one complains. Is a parent supposed to take a tape measure and measure how much was served to each child? Take the cup and mark it with a marker? Everyone is served; one person happens to get a bit less and another a bit more; at Kiddush one gets a little less and another a little more, and whoever received less will get more next time. "Why did I get less? Give me!" - Forget it, now you get nothing. Do not complain; you did not get less, you got nothing. The next time, he will no longer complain. But when a complainer realizes that it pays off - that is the worst thing of all.
"And You Grumbled in Your Tents" - Grumbling Against Heaven
Rabbeinu Yonah explains: The grumbler is always convinced that everyone intended his disgrace and his harm, and he harbors resentment toward them - that they harmed him, did evil to him, that they are out to get him. And so too, "And you grumbled in your tents" - finding grievances against whom? Against the Master of the Universe. For the grumbler even has complaints against the Holy One, blessed be He; even He, in his eyes, needs to improve His deeds: "Because Hashem hated us He brought us out," "Because Hashem was not able."
And see how wonderful is what Rabbeinu Yonah adds: "And behold, they appear as though they are insulted, persecuted, and beaten down." How precise - Rabbeinu Yonah is a master of human psychology. The grumbler always enjoys playing the victim, because everyone starts hovering over him: What happened? What did they do to him? I will talk to him... and he relishes it. There is a Yemenite expression for this: châng - acting insulted, so that people have to appease him.
There are homes where the children play this game with their parents regularly: each time, another child acts offended, gets up, and goes to his room. And why? Because every time this happens, the father runs after him: What happened? Come back, come back right now, sit with us, eat... What foolishness! If he wants to be offended - let him be offended, good health to him. We are sitting and eating; you got offended? You got offended, what can I do? I did not insult you, I did not do a thing. You want to harbor grudges - not on my back and not at my expense. When children are raised this way, a child will never make a sour face. But when a child makes a face and the father starts placating him, the child realizes that it works: If something does not suit me, I stop speaking - and he punishes his father. And the father is foolish: why play the child's game? Speak to him normally; when he finishes making faces, let him finish, and he will realize that he is losing out, and it is over. Why dance to his tune?
"And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" - Worse than Blows
The grumbler, who constantly complains, hurts others and penetrates into their innermost depths. His grievances and ceaseless complaints wound the soul, making it almost impossible to ignore. But what should one do? The wise person does ignore it. A wise person does not take things to heart and gut: he complained - let him complain; he did not come - let him not come; whoever does not like it, let him not come.
And this is what Scripture means by "and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" - that this is harsher than "blows" (mitlahamim), harsher than physical strikes, because here the injury is to the soul. Unfortunately, there are husbands or wives who, Heaven forbid, would never raise a hand, yet crucify their spouse with their tongue: constant words of contempt and humiliation, reviling and insulting, ceaseless disparagement that torments the soul. There is no need to strike physically; one who strikes with the rod of his mouth is far worse. The same applies to parents with their children: at times a parent, Heaven forbid, never raises a hand, but constantly says, "How foolish you are," "You are a failure," "You are this and that" - and that is worse than blows. A slap would pass, but these words penetrate the innermost recesses of his belly, and he always feels that his father despises him, that in his father's eyes he is the worst of all, or that his mother speaks the harshest words to him and therefore in her eyes he is worth nothing. In such a state, physical blows would almost be preferable; here, the words have descended into the chambers of the belly and wounded the soul.
And why specifically "the innermost parts of the belly"? The Vilna Gaon explains: the belly is a metaphor for things that are retained for a long time. People commonly say, "He holds a lot in his belly." Similarly, we find in the Gemara: who is called a Sinai? A person who possesses tremendous memory in Torah, as opposed to an oker harim (uprooter of mountains), who is the sharp dialectician. And of the Sinai, the Gemara says "his belly is broad" - broad with Torah, for he retains many things. We see that the belly symbolizes something remembered for a long time. Thus, "and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" - the wound remains for many years, engraved, and difficult to erase. Often, someone says a single remark to his fellow, and that remark is never forgotten. This is not to say that holding onto it is right - certainly a person ought to forgive and pardon - but often this is human reality, and therefore one must be extremely careful not to utter words that contain a sting, an insult, harsh criticism, or anything that could cause words to descend into the other person's innermost chambers.
The Malbim's Explanation: The Grumbler Who Argues "Why Do the Righteous Suffer?"
The Malbim explains "The words of a grumbler are like blows" as a direct continuation of the character described in the preceding verses:
שְׂאֵת פְּנֵי־רָשָׁע לֹא־טוֹב לְהַטּוֹת צַדִּיק בַּמִּשְׁפָּט׃ (ה) שִׂפְתֵי כְסִיל יָבֹאוּ בְרִיב וּפִיו לְמַהֲלֻמוֹת יִקְרָא׃ (ו) - It is not good to show favor to the wicked, to deprive the righteous in judgment. (5) A fool's lips enter into strife, and his mouth calls for blows. (6)
The argument discussed there was the grievance of "a righteous person who suffers and a wicked person who prospers": why does Hashem show favor to the wicked, and why does He tilt justice against the righteous, not granting him according to his righteousness? It is this grievance that leads to "the words of a grumbler are like blows" - the grumbler is reinforced in his grumbling. Who is the grumbler? The serial complainer, always whining: Why didn't Hashem give to me? Why didn't Hashem do for me? In the world Hashem created there is more bad than good; it would be better had man never been created. Such a person is a grumbler by nature, and when he sees a righteous person suffer and a wicked person prosper, he becomes entrenched in his resentment: Here, you see? There is no justice, there is no fairness!
And what is the meaning of kemitlahamim? The Malbim explains: mitlahamim is like mithalmim, from the root holem - striking a blow. That is to say, the grumbler's claims make it sound as if Hashem is constantly striking and beating him. Notice the precision: why does it not say "the words of a grumbler strike blows" (holemim), but rather kemitlahamim? The Malbim has a fundamental principle that he writes in several places: whenever a word appears in the reflexive hitpa'el form, it indicates that the matter is not truly so, but only appears as such. Just as in "There is one who pretends to be rich (mit'asher) yet has nothing" - he appears to have become rich, but in truth he has not; and similarly "there is one who pretends to be poor (mitroshesh)" - he appears impoverished. Here too: kemitlahamim - it merely seems to him as though Hashem is constantly beating him and dealing him blows; it is only perceived as such, and these are merely his complaints.
"And they go down into the innermost chambers of the belly" - the Malbim concludes: these evils and blows are not actual strikes that Hashem inflicts upon him; rather, they exist solely within the chambers of his belly, "in the secrets of his thoughts," in his imaginations. He imagines that the Holy One, Blessed is He, is harming him, and for everything Hashem does for his benefit, he concocts an explanation as to why it will ultimately turn out bad. Regarding this, the Malbim writes: like the parable of the blind men in Chovot HaLevavot.
The Parable of the Blind Men
What is the parable of the blind men in Chovot HaLevavot? The Chovot HaLevavot describes how people in this world walk like blind men following one another - a blind man places his hand on his fellow's shoulder and steps forward. Such is reality in this world: people walk blindly, and no one is even certain that the person walking ahead of him can see at all, yet like blind men, everyone follows the blind. So it is with this complainer (nirgan): he harbors illusions and imaginations that everything here is for the bad and that nothing is good.
There is another parable about blind men - not what the Malbim was referring to, but very relevant to the point. It is told that a man once saw a procession of blind men walking in a line, about ten men, each with his hand on his companion's shoulder, being led along. A prankster approached the first man in line and said in a loud voice, "Here, I am giving you a thousand dollars right now; count it out and give each person one hundred dollars." He announced this loudly and walked away. Immediately, the others turned to the first man: "Hey, where is the hundred dollars?" He replied, "He didn't give me anything!" "What do you mean he didn't give you anything? You're cheating us! Hand over the hundred dollars he gave you!" "I tell you, he gave me nothing!" In truth, the prankster hadn't given him a single cent; he had merely shouted it aloud in front of everyone. In short, fisticuffs broke out: "Thief! Scoundrel! Aren't you ashamed? You're taking advantage of the fact that we're blind!" That trick succeeded in pitting everyone against each other. And this is precisely the reality of the complainer.
The complainer lives in an illusion: someone else has it good, that one received, only I did not receive, only I was not given, only to me does the Holy One, Blessed is He, always do harm. He lives with the feeling that others have everything and he was deprived. But the truth is - no one received; do not live in illusions. Everyone has their own problems, everyone has their own troubles. A person feels envious only because he imagines that others have it all.
"God Made Man Upright" - Most Harm Is Self-Inflicted
This is what the Malbim explains, consistent with the Guide for the Perplexed, on the verse "God made man upright": the source of evils lies within man himself and his imagination. The Rambam's view is well known - a person is to blame for nearly all his own suffering, having brought it upon himself. A person who walks in the blazing sun and gets heatstroke cannot complain to the Holy One, Blessed is He, "Why did You create the sun?" It is hot outside today - do not walk in the sun, and you will not get heatstroke. And regarding someone suffering from health problems, the Rambam states: if you ate according to the regimen I prescribe, I guarantee you would never fall ill. But what happens? You ate whatever you felt like, indulging in all sorts of treats, and then you complain about having ulcers, heart issues, and diabetes. My friend, eat as prescribed, and you will have no complaints.
Thus, it turns out that most of a person's grievances are over damages he brought upon himself. He invested without thinking, without understanding, without investigation; he got swept away - "Come on, people are making millions here!" - and in the end he lost his money and had to sell his apartment, and then cries out: Master of the Universe, why did I deserve this? You were foolish. Did you consult people who understand the field? And what did they tell you? They said: Look, these returns make no sense, such investments do not exist. And what was your reply? "But my friends showed me checks they received, they showed me how much they make each month!" You should have realized that a Madoff always falls in the end. You should have understood that such investments are a luftgesheft, built on hot air: at first money is made because they pay you with other people's money. All the enthusiastic investors put in their funds - and if everyone withdraws their money, will a bank remain? Will any money remain? Nothing will remain. So why complain to the Master of the Universe? You acted foolishly - "אִוֶּלֶת אָדָם תְּסַלֵּף דַּרְכּוֹ וְעַל ה' יִזְעַף לִבּוֹ" - "A man's foolishness subverts his way, and his heart frets against Hashem."
It turns out, then, that the one striking you, complainer, is you yourself. With your grievances you strike yourself, because you imagine that Hashem is doing you harm - and this is the meaning of kemitlahamim, as if blows are landing upon him, whereas in truth he is beating himself. And this is the conclusion of the verse: "and they go down into the innermost chambers of the belly" - the thoughts brewing inside you, in your gut, are what eat away at you and strike you. Your imaginations - that others have, that Hashem is doing you harm, that nothing goes right for you, and that everything you do fails - these are what strike you, these are what beat you, and this is what transpires in the chambers of your belly. It does not come from the outside, nor is it Hashem who inflicts this upon man, for "God made man upright" - He formed him soundly, so that he would have all his needs, abundance, blessing, and success. But man perverts his own way, and then turns around with grievances against the Holy One, Blessed is He.
The Story of the Horse - Murky Water
It is told that a man once came to a Chassidic Rebbe and related that he had owned a successful, thriving business, but it was now on the verge of collapse. What had happened? Someone opened a shop right across the street selling the exact same merchandise, causing him a massive loss. What did he want? He wanted the Rebbe to curse his competitor, so that he would lose money and shut down. The Rebbe told him, "I do not curse; it is not my way to curse, I only bless." The man protested, "But Rebbe, he has ruined my life, he stole my livelihood!" The Rebbe said to him, "Tell me, have you ever seen a horse?" He replied, "Yes." "Have you seen a horse go down to drink water from the river?" "Yes." "Did you notice anything strange?" "No." The Rebbe said, "Did you never notice that when a horse bends down to drink from the river, it suddenly stamps its hooves in the water?" The man said, "You're right, that is indeed true; it stamps in the water and only then drinks." The Rebbe asked, "And why does it do that?" The man replied, "How should I know? Was I ever a horse?"
The Rebbe explained: "I will tell you. When the horse bends down to drink, what does it suddenly see? An impudent intruder! Right opposite him, another horse has come to drink. He lifts his head - and the other retreats. He bends down to drink again - and there is that insolent horse once more: 'You see that I'm coming to drink, why are you thrusting your head in?' He lifts his head again, and the other retreats. Finally, seeing that this rival cannot be reasoned with, he kicks. He stamps into the water - stirring up all the mire and mud from the bottom until the water becomes murky. And behold: the other horse has vanished, the competitor has fled from the thrashing, and now our friend can drink peacefully."
The Rebbe said to him: And what do you say about this horse? He replied: What can I say about him - he is not a horse, he is a donkey, a complete fool! If another horse comes to drink, isn't there enough water for everyone? Why push him? Let him drink too; there is water for everyone. Besides, he is simply foolish, for what did he do to himself? He churned up the water and drank murky water; all the mud rose from the bottom, and now he is drinking water mixed with sand. What did you gain by that?
The Rebbe said to him: Now do you understand what is happening to you? If you had emunah and bitachon in Hashem, you would know that the Holy One, Blessed is He, has streams of sustenance, rivers and oceans of parnassah. Why should I worry about another person, another horse coming to drink? But instead, what do I do? I agitate myself, get stressed, look for ways to harm him, launch campaigns and boycotts so people will not buy from him - and what did you accomplish by that? You muddied the atmosphere. Even if you do earn a living, it will be a troubled parnassah, murky and devoid of peace of mind - when in truth, he is not harming you at all. "But I see it with my own eyes!" - what do you see? Livelihood is determined from Heaven. The Holy One, Blessed is He, could have brought the exact same outcome upon you in a thousand and one different ways; He could have caused you to fall ill and be bedridden for two months - leaving you with no livelihood. He spared you from that, and instead brought it about by having someone open a business across from you, and you think he is truly harming you? Everything is decreed from Heaven! Yet you drink murky water, even though there is plenty for everyone!
This is the meaning of "the words of a murmurer are like wounds": in your imagination, you envision that someone is harming you, you think that someone is doing something to you - but this is only within the innermost chambers, churned up inside your own belly. Know that in truth everything is from Heaven; nothing is done to a person's detriment, for Hashem made man upright, and everything created for him was created for the good.
In summary:
In these verses, Shlomo HaMelech alerts us to two sides of the same ailment. "A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are the snare of his soul" - one who does not control his mouth finds that his mouth itself becomes his enemy: the outer lips are the snare that initiates the downfall, and the inner mouth completes it, inflicting harm on both body and soul. "The words of a murmurer are like wounds, and they go down into the innermost chambers" - the nirgan is the chronic complainer who harbors grievances against his fellows and his Creator, feigning insult and persecution. His words strike others harder than physical blows, lingering deep within for years. And according to the Malbim, in the end, the one striking the grumbler is none other than himself: his own imaginations and grievances are the blows that batter him, for "God made man upright," and most of a person's misfortunes are brought upon him by himself. From here emerges a twofold lesson: guarding one's mouth, and rectifying one's perspective - knowing that the Holy One, Blessed is He, has boundless rivers of livelihood, and that everything that happens to a person is done for his good.