Introduction
In this lesson we will address three central verses in Chapter 17: a verse on the value of true friendship and who truly stands by a person in a time of distress, a verse about a person who shakes hands and becomes a guarantor for his fellow, and a verse about one who loves transgression and exalts his doorway. All three are interconnected, offering a profound moral lesson: what is worthwhile for a person to love, in what he should invest, and what he should avoid so that he does not bring strife and ruin upon himself.
"A Friend Loves at All Times" - Man's Three Companions
בְּכָל עֵת אֹהֵב הָרֵעַ, וְאָח לְצָרָה יִוָּלֵד׃ (י"ז, י"ז) - A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (17:17)
The Gaon Malbim explains this verse in light of what Chazal taught: a person has three companions - his wealth, his household and loved ones, and the acts of kindness he performed during his lifetime. And as is well known regarding a person at the time of his passing, neither silver, nor gold, nor precious stones and pearls accompany him, but rather: "And your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of Hashem shall gather you." This is what gathers you, this is what helps, and this is the viable currency over there: how much tzedakah you gave, and how much you magnified the honor of Heaven in the world.
Famous is the parable of the man who stood trial and needed to bring advocates to speak in his favor. At first, he went to his friends and tried to persuade them. They told him: "Listen, it is a court of law; we are afraid to go, it is uncomfortable, I tremble just seeing a courthouse." He went to his family. They told him: "How can we help? We will accompany you until the entrance of the courthouse, but from the entrance onward, you are on your own." He went to a distant acquaintance, someone who had only occasionally crossed his mind, and asked for his help - and precisely this one helped him, supported him, and secured his acquittal.
This is the moral: a person's money, his relatives, and his deeds of kindness. Money stays at home; it does not even come with you. Relatives accompany you to the grave, and from that point on they can no longer help - you must manage on your own. And who truly continues with you there? The kindness that a person performed. They declare: "Your righteousness shall go before you" - I will walk before you, I will plead your defense. Who are they? That prayer in the synagogue, that fulfillment of a mitzvah, which he may not have regarded as his closest companions, yet they are the ones that stand by him in a time of distress.
This is what is written here: "A friend loves at all times." According to the Gaon Malbim, following Rashi's approach, "friend" (re'a) refers to beloved companions, unlike Rabbeinu Yonah who interpreted "hara" from the root of doing evil. Rather: at all times, love the friend, the only true friend - the acts of loving-kindness you performed in your lifetime, which are always with you. Furthermore, "and a brother is born for adversity": when distress befalls a person, whether in this world or in the World to Come, what will money avail you? What will friends avail you? "A brother cannot redeem a man" - your brother will not save you from the judgment of Gehinnom. Who will? Loving-kindness, chesed, and the mitzvos. When the time comes that a person is in desperate need of merits - whether here in this world to survive, or in the World to Come to endure the judgment - it will become clear that this single friend, the tzedakah, gemilut chasadim, and mitzvos, is "a brother born for adversity"; it is what will save you. As it is written, "Charity saves from death," and "Your righteousness shall go before you" - there too, in the World of Truth, tzedakah is what will walk before you and come to your aid.
Ralbag: A Friend at All Times, and a Brother in Time of Distress
Ralbag explains something fascinating and deeply true, writing: A friend connects with his beloved at all times, so that he may rejoice in his prosperity and help him in his time of adversity. A brother, however, may not feel compelled to join his brother in his times of prosperity, but in his distress he will be aroused to help him, for nature compels him to do so, because he is his own flesh and bone.
And how true this is. When a person has a good friend, that friend is with him both in joy and in distress, accompanying him constantly. A brother, by contrast, might not necessarily be by your side in times of celebration, but when he hears that you have fallen, that you are broken, that misfortune has struck you, the brother steps forward. Why? "For nature compels him to do so, because he is his own flesh and bone."
Rav Dessler: Giving Generates Love - and the Bond of Blood
If one wishes to understand how true this is, Rav Dessler offers a marvelous insight. A person might adopt a child, raise him in his home, and care for all his needs, while at the same time having a biological son whom he abandoned immediately after birth. Whom does he love more? Without question, the one he raised. The reason is that giving generates love. When you give to someone and invest in them, you become bound to them and love them. Whereas the biological son, when they meet years later, is a total stranger to him. "This is your son" - true, but he is a stranger. It is just like taking someone off the street and being told, "This is your son" - what is the connection between us? I feel no emotion toward him.
Now consider what happens, says Rav Dessler: both are in a house and you are with them, and suddenly a fire breaks out. Two five-year-old boys, one biological and one not, and you can only rescue one. It is astonishing, but the person will save his biological son and not the adopted son - even though it was the adopted son to whom he was attached, in whom he invested, whom he cared for, took to the clinic, and bought things for. And yet, the blood tie is stronger.
This is precisely what Ralbag explains: to help in a time of distress - a brother cannot stand aside, for nature compels him because he is his own flesh and blood. Notice that this is not a result of cultivated good character traits; it is part of the basic nature instilled within us. A lioness cares for her cubs, a dog cares for her pups, a bear cares for her cubs - and in man, too, there is an innate biological bond to his children. One can see this even without adoption: a person may like someone else far more than his own son - in personality, in conduct, in everything. "My son only irritates me, I get no nachas from him, only grief; whereas I love his friend with all my heart." Such things exist. Yet at a moment of crisis, without question he will rescue his son rather than anyone else. This is "a brother is born for adversity": a friend loves at all times, both in joy and in sorrow, always remaining by his side; but in a time of crisis, who will come and save him? The brother - who, though absent during joyful times, finds his brotherly feelings awakened in distress, and nature compels him to step in and save you.
"A Senseless Person Strikes Hands" - The Perils of Cosigning
אָדָם חֲסַר לֵב תּוֹקֵעַ כָּף, עֹרֵב עֲרֻבָּה לִפְנֵי רֵעֵהוּ׃ (י"ז, י"ח) - A senseless person strikes hands, pledging a guarantee before his neighbor. (17:18)
The Malbim explains: Why is he called "senseless"? Because through this he brings strife and quarrel upon himself. Several commentators explain that this verse is directly connected to the next verse: "He who loves transgression loves strife; he who raises his gate seeks ruin." When a person goes and acts as a guarantor for his friend, know that in the end it will lead to strife and quarreling. First, you will have a quarrel with the lender, when he comes and says to you: "Sir, your friend didn't pay; you are the guarantor, pay me." For a person does not repay a debt, says Rabbeinu Yonah, with joy and a willing heart. He has no choice; he is obligated to repay. If I am the borrower, I might repay happily and even thank you for lending to me. But a guarantor - does any guarantor repay gladly? The only reason I signed as a guarantor was because I was certain they wouldn't demand it of me! No one enters a guarantee expecting to be sued: "What, am I supposed to cover your debts?" Thus, when you come demanding payment from me, I will not give it happily. Often, this is where their friendship ends: the guarantor is sued, so he turns to his friend for the money, and the friend says, "How can you demand this of me? Don't you see I am in dire straits?" And he responds, "Don't you realize I only stepped in to help you, and now you're telling me to back off?" A bitter quarrel erupts - both the money and the friendship are lost. Therefore: be a loving friend, and help in a time of trouble, but only up to a point. Shaking hands to become a guarantor for your friend - that is something one should never do.
This person is called senseless because he fails to realize that he is bringing strife and contention upon himself. Furthermore, after you pay the debt, with whom will you go and fight? With the person on whose behalf you cosigned. For he will say to you: "Aren't you ashamed? Look how much you begged at the time, and I was willing to do you a favor, and now you throw this on me and I have to pay!" And you will end up quarreling with him. It turns out that such a person "loves transgression, loves strife" - you are actively bringing strife and dispute upon yourself.
"He Who Loves Transgression" - Negligent in Guarding His Wealth
In addition, why is this called a "transgression"? Rabbeinu Yonah explains: you are criminally negligent in guarding your own wealth. A person is not only required to be careful with the property of others - ensuring not to steal, not to cause loss or even indirect damage, and to return lost items - but one must also be careful with his own money, obligated by the parameters of Halachah to protect it. Just as we find concerning the righteous, that their possessions are dearer to them than their own bodies; why? Because their hands are free of theft, and all their wealth is kosher and pure.
We have previously explained at length that for the tzaddik, wealth is an instrument of warfare against the Yetzer Hara. For if with a single shekel one purchases a CD and gives it to someone who listens to a shiur and consequently does teshuvah, one has brought someone back in teshuvah for a single shekel! It turns out that every penny a person possesses is ammunition in the battle against the Yetzer Hara, and you cannot afford to squander your money. Your money requires guarding, like a soldier given a specific allotment of bullets, grenades, a rifle, and equipment for battle: if he plays around at every minor sound and fires off a burst at everything he hears, when the real terrorist appears, he will find himself out of bullets. So it is with man: the money we have is ammunition with which we are meant to wage the war against the Yetzer Hara. The moment a person spends it on vanities and foolishness, when he suddenly needs it for something important, he will have nothing left. He won't be able to buy tefillin because his money is gone - having upgraded to 5G when 4G was perfectly adequate. You spent money on unneeded things, and in doing so, compromised the equipment the Holy One, Blessed be He, granted you to fight with.
"Before His Neighbor" - The Embarrassment of Refusing
If we understand that this is a transgression, and that it leads to strife and contention - both with the friend for whom he cosigned and with the lender himself, since in the end he will quarrel with everyone - why does he do it anyway? "Pledging a guarantee before his neighbor": because he feels uncomfortable; he is standing right "before his neighbor." The friend comes and says: "Could you cosign for me? Do me a favor, I really need this urgently." And he feels embarrassed to refuse. The fact that he is standing "before his neighbor" is what virtually compels him to sign.
However, Rabbeinu Yonah explains: It is improper for a person to feel ashamed to refuse regarding something that sound judgment dictates one must refuse to do. There is no reason to be embarrassed when common sense dictates that one must refuse. True, we are friends, and everything is pleasant and fine, but "I apologize, I am unable to at this time," or "I was burned in the past" - whatever argument one might present, good judgment requires refusal. A person must weigh the loss against the gain, for it is better to refuse and go against the petitioner's wishes now than to face the strife and hatred that will arise in the end if the borrower fails to pay.
Rav Lasry once told of an individual who came to ask his friend for a loan. The friend said to him, "Slap me and curse me." He replied, "What are you talking about? How could I do such a thing? You are my friend!" The friend said, "If you want a loan, slap me and curse me." The man slapped him and cursed him. The friend then said, "Now I am not giving it to you." He asked, "Why?" He answered, "I prefer that you slap me and curse me and the money stays in my pocket, rather than I give you a loan, and ultimately when I come to ask for it, you cast me off, slap me, curse me, and my money remains with you as well. Here, at least you slapped and cursed me - but my money is still with me."
This is precisely what Rabbeinu Yonah is saying in simple terms: A person must weigh the loss against the gain. A minor friction over not agreeing to co-sign is far preferable to a massive quarrel later, when I will be chasing after you for the money, trying to recover both my funds and the lost friendship between us. Therefore, it is good for a person not to focus on the momentary gain, on "before his fellow," or on the discomfort of saying no.
The Chazon Ish: Co-signing Only with the Money in Hand
It has been related in the past concerning the Chazon Ish that an individual - a talmid chacham who was one hundred percent trustworthy - came to ask him to co-sign on a loan, and the Chazon Ish signed. The man repaid the loan, and everything went smoothly. Sometime later, he needed a loan again. He approached the Chazon Ish once more, but this time the Chazon Ish refused to sign. The man was astonished: It would be understandable if one refused to sign the first time, but the second time, after having seen that he is trustworthy - yet here it was the exact opposite!
The Chazon Ish told him: "Let me explain. The first time you came, you took out a loan of five thousand shekels, and at that time I had five thousand shekels in my pocket. Therefore, I was willing to sign - because the moment you failed to pay, I had the money to pay the lender. And where did I get that money? I was just about to print another volume of the *Chazon Ish*, and I had the funds set aside for the printing. But now I do not have the money. So on what basis would I co-sign? On money that I do not possess? After all, he will come and demand payment from me in two months if for any reason you are unable to pay, and what will I tell him - that I have no money? Then what did I sign for? I sign as a guarantor only if I know that I have the money to pay."
First of all, notice what an extraordinary level of integrity and honesty this is. Nowadays, people sign freely: "Don't worry, we'll spread out the payments, we'll manage, everything will be fine." No - if you do not have the money in your pocket, you do not sign. For the Chazon Ish, this was an elementary principle. In any event, as the verse says, it is best not to get into this position at all.
The Vilna Gaon: An Areiv Kablan and an Areiv Shalof Dutz
The Vilna Gaon explains that "one who strikes hands" refers to an *areiv shalof dutz* (an unconditional guarantor). There are two kinds of guarantee: There is an ordinary guarantor (*areiv stam*) - "If the borrower does not pay, you may turn to me and I will pay." And there is a guarantor called an *areiv kablan*, who is an *areiv shalof dutz*: when the lender comes to demand the money, he may turn to the guarantor just as he would turn to the borrower, and he is not required to approach the borrower first at all. The guarantor says to the lender: "I take upon myself to settle the debt as though I were the borrower." "I take upon myself" (*mekabbel alai*) - that is a *kablan*, one who accepted upon himself in advance full responsibility for the debt: "Whenever you want the money, come directly to me, without entering into whether he paid or did not pay; I owe you the money."
And why is it called *shalof dutz*? *Shalof* means to draw out, and *dutz* is an expression of sticking or plunging into. As it were, I draw the debt out of the borrower and plunge it directly into the guarantor: "You are now the debtor; I approach you directly without turning to him at all." Regarding such a guarantor it says, "he pledged surety before his fellow" - he took upon himself to be the one who is approached first. Naturally, when one extends a loan, one turns first to the borrower, and only when he cannot pay does one turn to the guarantor. But if the guarantor stated in advance, "Approach whomever you wish," the lender may approach the guarantor first. This is the meaning of "before his fellow": you may approach me before you approach my fellow; I assume guarantee for this debt, and you can come directly to me without requiring him to pay.
The Parable for Spiritual Matters: The Teacher and the Judge
What is being addressed here? The Vilna Gaon already explained in chapter 11, verse 15 that there are two types of guarantors - an *areiv kablan* and an ordinary guarantor (*areiv stam*). He explains that this is a parable, for all of Shlomo's words are allegories for spiritual matters. What is the allegorical meaning? There are two kinds of leaders who maintain a Torah relationship with the people: there are those who teach Torah, and there are the judges (*dayanim*) who rule on Halachah. One of them resembles an ordinary guarantor, while the other resembles an *areiv kablan*.
One who teaches Torah to students is comparable to an ordinary guarantor (arev stam). He bears a tremendous responsibility, for if a teacher imparts an erroneous halachah, contrary to the law, and the student goes and acts upon his words - who signed on the guarantee? The teacher. Who will be held accountable? The teacher. And why is he called an "ordinary guarantor"? Because it is not inevitable that the student will actually err in practice. It is possible that the teacher taught him a mistaken halachah - for example, that one puts on the head-tefillin before the hand-tefillin - and yet it is not inevitable that he will actually do so; perhaps he has a family custom to the contrary. Or the teacher might have stated a halachah regarding an uncommon scenario, and the student never encountered that circumstance at all. Although the teacher misled him, the matter never presented itself. Therefore, a teacher of Torah is an ordinary guarantor, because he will not necessarily be held liable.
In contrast, when a judge errs, this is called an unconditional guarantor (arev kablan). Why? Because a judge takes from one party and gives to the other: if he errs in the halachah, he extracts funds from the first party and robs him, giving money to the second party that is not rightfully his. Thus, from the outset, Heaven approaches the judge directly; he will inevitably be held accountable. Regarding this, the verse says: "A man devoid of understanding (chaser lev) strikes hands, pledging a guarantee before his friend" - a judge who extracts money from one person to give to another without proper precision and careful deliberation, rushing instead to issue a ruling, is a senseless person, for he has become an arev kablan: before demanding payment from his friend, they will demand it of him, and he is the one who will be liable. "And He will rob the life of those who rob them" (Mishlei 22:23) - Hashem robs the soul of those who rob Israel. If a judge perverts justice, Heaven immediately turns to him. This is an arev kablan, and one who acts this way is utterly senseless.
What Is "Chaser Lev"?
It is important to emphasize this distinction so as not to be confused: "chaser lev" (literally "lacking a heart") here does not carry its modern colloquial meaning. Today, when people wish to describe someone as cruel, they say "he has no heart" or "he is heartless." That is not the meaning here. "Chaser lev" here means lacking attention (simat lev) - lacking heartfelt reflection and contemplation. Had a person exercised heartfelt contemplation, he would have foreseen the consequences and would never have done such a thing. It is solely because he fails to pay attention to his actions that he comes to shake hands and stand as an unconditional guarantor before his fellow. With just a bit of proper attentiveness, he would never have arrived at such an outcome.
"One Who Loves Transgression Loves Strife"
אֹהֵב פֶּשַׁע אֹהֵב מַצָּה, מַגְבִּיהַּ פִּתְחוֹ מְבַקֶּשׁ שָׁבֶר׃ (י"ז, י"ט) - "One who loves transgression loves strife; he who raises his doorway seeks ruin." (17:19)
A novel insight into this verse came to light not long ago. Some may recall when a counterfeit ring was uncovered: authorities found a massive hangar in the south filled with counterfeit matzot bearing the most prestigious hechsherim. With a simple scanner, they had copied the labels, producing "Beit Yosef" matzot, "Rav Machpud" matzot, "Badatz Eidah HaChareidit of Yerushalayim" matzot - all the finest kosher certifications were forged. In reality, these matzot were produced with no supervision whatsoever - neither basic rabbinate certification nor anything else. They simply baked matzot and were about to distribute them to the markets. This would have been an enormous and terrible stumbling block, as it was actual chametz. By Hashem's grace, someone must have known about it and felt a pang of conscience to report it, and the operation was caught before reaching the markets, causing quite a stir. This gave rise to a clever homiletic reading of the verse: "One who loves transgression loves matzah" - criminals love matzah, all to make a quick profit.
Rashi: "He Who Raises His Doorway"
Rashi explains: "One who loves transgression" - one who enjoys sinning against his fellow, "loves strife (matzah)," for by doing so he stirs up quarreling and strife. "And he who raises his doorway" refers to one who speaks haughtily, where "doorway" (pitcho) relates to the verse "The opening (petach) of Your words gives light" (Tehillim 119:130). One who raises his doorway is a person who speaks grandly and arrogantly, and he thereby "seeks ruin."
And how true this is. Often, one sees a person boasting: "We will do this, we will achieve that, we will succeed!" "Let not him who girds on his armor boast like him who takes it off" (Melachim I 20:11) - and at times, it turns out to be utterly humiliating, leaving him with nothing but embarrassment and disgrace. Why talk so much? Had he at least kept quiet, the subsequent downfall would not have been so glaring. But because he spoke at such length - about what would be accomplished and how victory would be won - and then ends up looking so small, that is a true "ruin," a great humiliation. "He who raises his doorway seeks ruin" - he is practically inviting the fall. Do not boast; do not let him who girds his armor boast like him who takes it off. First, let us see the deeds, and only then talk. Do not boast, "We are winning twenty seats in the Knesset," only to discover later that you failed to win even a single seat and did not cross the electoral threshold. You made so much noise and fanfare, only for it to amount to nothing. True, it is human nature to embellish slightly to stir up enthusiasm and momentum - but speak within reasonable bounds! When one speaks in preposterous proportions and bites off far more than he can chew, when the fall inevitably comes - the ruin is immense.
Rabbeinu Yonah: From Wrath Comes Transgression
Rabbeinu Yonah explains, as noted earlier, that this verse is directly connected to the preceding one, teaching just how grave the situation is of a person who goes around distributing financial guarantees to others. Such a person is like one who "loves strife" and loves transgressions, because this provides him with pretexts to quarrel; he relishes conflicts and enjoys arguing. And from wrath, many transgressions emerge, as it is written: "And a wrathful person abounds in transgression" (Mishlei 29:22). A person who becomes a guarantor for his fellow will inevitably succumb to wrath: he will be furious at the lender who comes demanding payment - for no one gladly pays money he never borrowed - and he will be furious at the borrower in whose place he is forced to pay. And where there is wrath - there is transgression.
And this is a reality. "In an abundance of words, transgression does not cease," and an angry person is capable of the gravest iniquities and transgressions, with all forms of Gehinnom ruling over him. Out of anger, a person rages and acts in complete defiance of logic and reason, capable of harming himself and harming others. There have been those who, in a single moment of rage, even murdered another, and afterward, on the way to prison, had many years to reflect on the folly committed in that single instant. And where did this stem from? From fury. And what brought you to that fury which led to transgression? The act you did - going and signing as a guarantor. By doing so, you brought yourself to anger toward both the lender and the borrower; you brought yourself to fury, and through this, you will also come to transgression.
In summary:
The verses we have studied present a unified picture before us: "A friend loves at all times" - the true friend that remains with a person forever is chessed, tzedakah, and mitzvos. They are "a brother born for adversity," rescuing him in this world and in the World to Come, unlike wealth and unlike relatives who accompany him only up to the gates of judgment. On the other hand, "A person lacking heart strikes hands" - one who does not pay heed and is too embarrassed to refuse, becoming a guarantor for his fellow, is negligent in safeguarding his money, which is his ammunition in the war against the yetzer hara. He brings upon himself fury and strife with both the lender and the borrower alike, and from fury comes transgression. Therefore, let a person weigh the loss against the gain: let him help his fellow at all times, but never enter into a guarantee, and let him not make his entrance high with boastful words - for whoever makes his entrance high invites ruin.